No, seriously. Thanks! I mean, first off, if he's the sort of guy who leaves his wife for a disease-ridden bitch because she makes out with women for show, has enormous tits, and says she's a model (funny how I've never seen your picture in any of the ads of the places you say you work for, isn't it?), then good riddance. Secondly, he's the world's biggest douchebag, with his "ironic" beard and his black Kangol hat and his George Lucas lumberjack plaid shirts, smoking pot out of a hookah and hanging out with gay guys for the sole purpose of looking really tolerant and cool. He gained 100 pounds during the five years I knew him. I gained (and then lost, thankfully) 30 pounds just from being with that fuck.

You deserved him, too, you psycho hobag. You screamed at me in the street, followed me for two blocks while I tried to ignore you, insulted my disabled brother, and told me you would "destroy" me—and then you pulled my hair and ran away. Also, good job letting my ex catch you sucking that stranger's dick behind a toolshed. I hear you didn't even take the cock out of your mouth to say good-bye. You're the best dirty whore ever.