Your Mouth Is No Place for Things
On behalf of everyone everywhere who runs a cash register as part of their job, I have a very simple request—STOP PUTTING SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH AND HANDING IT TO ME!!! This means credit cards, cash (do you want to get sick?!), whatever you are buying that I may have to touch, and anything else I haven't yet conceived of that you toxic monkeys are inclined to shove into an orifice and pass my way. Also, if you could not lick your fingers to separate the bills in your wallet, well, that would be super. To make all of this worse, I work at a hospital! Half of you dirty bastards spend the day lecturing people on health issues. Trust me, if I thought telling you off wouldn't cost me harassment from my bosses, I'd be lecturing you pretentious motherfuckers every day myself. Hypocritical bastards.