Tools
Disliking the female gender came slower to me than it did to most girls I know. Through all of elementary school, my best friend was a girl. She was a grade ahead of me, and when I joined her in high school, I was so excited. That was the year I was really introduced to the wonder of the backbiting girl-clique. Over the next four years, I developed a deep and abiding mistrust of girls. I've never had an incredibly close girlfriend, never felt that "grrrlpower" that Oprah and her ilk speak of. For the most part, I try to avoid women.
So when my brother married you six years ago, I was a bit withdrawn. But over the next few years, I slowly began to trust you. I have more in common with you than my own super-religious sisters. We like the same music, the same movies, the same books. You're funny and smart and nice. We share the same parenting theories. So I didn't think I was doing anything wrong last November when I confided in you about some delicate marriage issues my husband and I were going through. When my husband got upset at me for confiding in you, I insisted that you were trustworthy, that we had nothing to worry about. I told him that I had to talk to somebody, that I needed outside feedback.
Stranger Personals
I have been paying for that trust ever since. Thank you for telling my husband's coworkers details about our sex life. Thank you for discussing our questions about my sexuality with them. Thank you for contributing to the work gossip to such an extent that my husband had panic attacks on a regular basis for a while. I'm sorry that you've completely and utterly reinforced my lack of trust in women. I know who I can confide in: my husband, my therapist, and my notebooks. 
Submit your unsigned confession or accusation
here.
Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
1
So basically you have no friends and it's everyone else's fault.
YOU'RE a girl. Why do women who say they hate other women always feel that they are somehow a special exception to their gender?
YOU'RE a girl. Why do women who say they hate other women always feel that they are somehow a special exception to their gender?
2
Bravo. Your obvious disfunction and social issues were very entertaining this week. I expect the myriad of pop-psychologists that post here to entertain me further!
4
come out!! come out!!!!! Sleep with some women!!! I hated them for so long too... I swear there is nothing more infuriating than being surrounded by these creatures and knowing you can look but you can't touch. I promise eventually you will actually sleep with one and the anger will begin to melt.
You know those men that are all hateful and misogynist because they can't get laid? It happens to us too, but many women sort of get all emo and social misfit about it instead of getting aggro like guys. I was there for so long. I promise, honey, eventually one of them will want you too but you have to put yourself out there. Good luck to you.
You know those men that are all hateful and misogynist because they can't get laid? It happens to us too, but many women sort of get all emo and social misfit about it instead of getting aggro like guys. I was there for so long. I promise, honey, eventually one of them will want you too but you have to put yourself out there. Good luck to you.
5
Truth is, if women didn't have a vagina there would be a bounty on them.
But don't tell the truth, you'll be labeled a woman hater.
But don't tell the truth, you'll be labeled a woman hater.
6
Women, much like men, are mostly shit. People are mostly horrible, awful creatures unwanting and undeserving of attentions. Find friends that aren't horrible. Assume everyone is guilty of having intensely poor character until proven otherwise, but don't permanently write everyone (woman or man) off. Be cynical, but don't be closed to the possibility of decency.
12
You probably shouldn't have been flirting with your sister-in-law. You wouldn't have confided sexual things to a straight brother-in-law, right? Because you would rightly know that he wold interpret your confidences as sexual interest.
I agree with Jo that you should probably just come out.
I agree with Jo that you should probably just come out.
15
Amanda: in this newspaper, there's this column called "I, Anonymous," where people write about their stupid problems and, usually, make anonymous accusations against those who have oppressed or wronged them. It has been a feature in The Stranger since about 1863, when the first "I, Anon" was printed on the back of a copy of the Emancipation Proclamation.
17
Interesting lack of response to this one. Next week you should publish a letter by someone who hates all gays, followed by one from someone who hates all men, etc... to compare which groups it's most ok to hate on in Seattle.
18
@16: My parents beat me, or something. Is that what you're looking for?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturgeon%27…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturgeon%27…
21
in my super evolved pro feminist way, i live by the motto "bitches be crazy'
i have never met one i liked, i will never be friends with a girl again....boys are easier to know...period
i have never met one i liked, i will never be friends with a girl again....boys are easier to know...period
22
People are people, people. Some guys are backstabbing little weasels and some women are too. Often enough the type is easy to spot when you keep your mouth shut and your ears open.
I used to think I hated women too, but it turned out I was only hanging around the wrong ones.
I used to think I hated women too, but it turned out I was only hanging around the wrong ones.
23
Sorry for doubleposting, but just a note to Anonymous:
The phrase "Grrlpower" makes any sensible human being cringe. This is not a bad thing.
The phrase "Grrlpower" makes any sensible human being cringe. This is not a bad thing.
24
@ 4, I love you. And anon, get over it. All people can be assholes at times. I have had some hellish fights over gossip with both sexes in my group of buddies, but that is how friendships grow. And about you not liking women? Grow up. If you don't like women than how can you like yourself? Love and trust yourself first. Know yourself and your judgments. Then you can eventually find the discernment within yourself to trust the kind of friends you choose to confide in. She is family and I doubt she will be leaving anytime soon. She probably was drunk or lonely (or both) and looking for attention the only way she knew how, by talking about a person who was likely the only link between her and those people she was gossiping with.
25
People suck. Sad but true. It's hard to find a real friend who won't betray you or blab about you, but I hope that you give it another try sometime...
26
You told a SECRET to a female, and SHE DIDN'T KEEP IT?? s-h-o-c-k-i-n-g.
Really, that just floors me. Really. Way.
Really, that just floors me. Really. Way.
27
And what exactly did YOU do for your friend to retaliate like that? Sorry, but the only common denominator in all your failed friendships with women is you.
I knew another woman who had the same complaint as you. Turns out she was a crazy, backstabber drama queen and didn't have female friends for a reason.
I have friends of both genders. I haven't found any reason to exclude either gender from my friendships.
I knew another woman who had the same complaint as you. Turns out she was a crazy, backstabber drama queen and didn't have female friends for a reason.
I have friends of both genders. I haven't found any reason to exclude either gender from my friendships.
29
sometimes when unconsciously we want to hate a certain group (e.g. all the world's women), we go out there and give up our trust too quickly, dismiss our instincts to be cautious, and jump off a ledge, just to prove to ourselves that our prejudices were warranted.
When we have preconceptions about a group, and secretly want to write them off, sometimes we go out hunting for "proof" that our prejudice is justified.
I think perhaps you trusted this woman too quickly. And that you were unrealistic in your belief that you could trust her. Doesn't make her swine, just makes you were naive.
Personally, I don't tell anything to anyone that I'm not prepared to see leaked. I'm not cynical about human integrity, I just know that holding people's secrets for them is a big responsibility for some of us ( I know I suck at it), so I don't expect anyone to do it for me. Not unless I pay them (i.e. a shrink). Don't tell secrets to someone unless you know you have their full loyalty, and that they are generous enough to want to hold something as heavy and cumbersome as a secret. They have to owe you to want to do something like that.
When we have preconceptions about a group, and secretly want to write them off, sometimes we go out hunting for "proof" that our prejudice is justified.
I think perhaps you trusted this woman too quickly. And that you were unrealistic in your belief that you could trust her. Doesn't make her swine, just makes you were naive.
Personally, I don't tell anything to anyone that I'm not prepared to see leaked. I'm not cynical about human integrity, I just know that holding people's secrets for them is a big responsibility for some of us ( I know I suck at it), so I don't expect anyone to do it for me. Not unless I pay them (i.e. a shrink). Don't tell secrets to someone unless you know you have their full loyalty, and that they are generous enough to want to hold something as heavy and cumbersome as a secret. They have to owe you to want to do something like that.
30
Well, you know what to do. Have your men cut off her prize racehorse's head and slip it into her bedroom while she's sleeping.
31
If you irrationally hate all women because they backstab and gossip, it's probably because you're the same way and hate it about yourself. Get over it. Embrace your inner drama queen or learn how to not be one.
32
I don't think your issue is directly relating to women but to people in general. Men are just as bad for gossip as women. Trust me, I've met them. You've just had more problems with women because people tend to have more friends of their own gender in school.
You said that six years ago when you met your brother's wife that you were withdrawn. It sounds like you didn't have many friends outside of your husband.
I'm guessing that you are just a bad judge of people, and that's not going to get any better if you don't meet more of them. Most of us make a lot of varied friends growing up and learn from the random betrayals how to gauge a person's trustworthiness. I think that you were hurt by a friend at an early age and withdrew socially, depriving yourself of these experiences.
I would urge you not to give up on women or people in general. Make more friends, but don't trust them so easily with big secrets. Start small with stuff that won't ruin your life, and see whether they trust you in return.
You said that six years ago when you met your brother's wife that you were withdrawn. It sounds like you didn't have many friends outside of your husband.
I'm guessing that you are just a bad judge of people, and that's not going to get any better if you don't meet more of them. Most of us make a lot of varied friends growing up and learn from the random betrayals how to gauge a person's trustworthiness. I think that you were hurt by a friend at an early age and withdrew socially, depriving yourself of these experiences.
I would urge you not to give up on women or people in general. Make more friends, but don't trust them so easily with big secrets. Start small with stuff that won't ruin your life, and see whether they trust you in return.
33
@4 "come out!! come out!!!!! Sleep with some women!!! I hated them for so long too... I swear there is nothing more infuriating than being surrounded by these creatures and knowing you can look but you can't touch. I promise eventually you will actually sleep with one and the anger will begin to melt.
You know those men that are all hateful and misogynist because they can't get laid? It happens to us too"
Hahahhhahahh you sound nearly as fucked-up as the OP.
Those issues don't suddenly go away once you get laid.
You know those men that are all hateful and misogynist because they can't get laid? It happens to us too"
Hahahhhahahh you sound nearly as fucked-up as the OP.
Those issues don't suddenly go away once you get laid.
34
I love me my women friends. I have tons of them. They aren't backstabbers.
I have some man friends too. They are pretty cool. Seriously, though, why would anyone write off a whole gender just b/c of some bad seeds? There are good ppl, there are bad ppl and sometimes, even good people act bad when faced with a really annoying person.
I do my best to be a decent person and I know that most people I know think that I am one.... but I have been called out a few times for poor behavior.
You sister in law sucks, tho. Nobody deserves to have their secrets outed at a workplace. What a b!tch.
I have some man friends too. They are pretty cool. Seriously, though, why would anyone write off a whole gender just b/c of some bad seeds? There are good ppl, there are bad ppl and sometimes, even good people act bad when faced with a really annoying person.
I do my best to be a decent person and I know that most people I know think that I am one.... but I have been called out a few times for poor behavior.
You sister in law sucks, tho. Nobody deserves to have their secrets outed at a workplace. What a b!tch.
35
You made the mistake of talking about personal and marriage issues with a relative. That's violated your husband's privacy as much as your sister-in-law did but at least she never took a vow.
Next time when you just have "to talk to somebody", make it a professional, or if you're too cheap, a complete stranger (the internet is full of chat sites).
Only victim here is your husband. You and your sister-in-law are birds of a feather.
Next time when you just have "to talk to somebody", make it a professional, or if you're too cheap, a complete stranger (the internet is full of chat sites).
Only victim here is your husband. You and your sister-in-law are birds of a feather.
36
Sometimes, you gotta ask what's the common denominator. If you always have these issues with women, then you have to start asking yourself what you're doing. Are you a bad judge of character? Too trusting? Or maybe there's something about these types of women that attract you to them? Or maybe you're a complete ass, and they have little respect for you.
I can't say that I love the stereotypical woman who gets overly emotional and diamond obsessed, but I do have quite a few of the best quality female friends a girl could ask for.
I can't say that I love the stereotypical woman who gets overly emotional and diamond obsessed, but I do have quite a few of the best quality female friends a girl could ask for.
37
Did you ever think your husband was pissed off that you shared your marital secrets with her because he knew she was untrustworthy?
The problem isn't her, it's you. You're shit at deciding who to trust and who not to.
The problem isn't her, it's you. You're shit at deciding who to trust and who not to.
More I, Anonymous
RSS
Twitter
Comments (38) RSS