Steven Weissman

I have never, ever met anyone as pretty as you. And I have never, EVER met anyone as self-absorbed and cruel. So breaking in virgins is what you do (four young, shy guys so far). I want to warn them, let them know what they are getting into. But they are so mesmerized by your amazing face and body that it's impossible to even get their attention long enough to let them know that after you train them, you treat them like crap while patting yourself on the back for being such a good person. Telling them that you love them is beyond cruel; it's cunt behavior. My only consolations: (1) You will be old one day. (2) Karma is a bitch. (3) You may one day realize that while you can attract any man you want, you have the personality and wit of a potato bug. I will admit that you liven up when you have a drink or two in you, but that is not a good thing. Trust me. You're still out looking for the right guy (so you say) who makes you feel intelligent. But be warned: No amount of smart on his part is going to make you a better person or all that much smarter. You will make a wonderfully dim-witted trophy wife. In the meantime, could you please, PLEASE leave the virgins alone? We don't need any more young guys running around trying to find you at clubs and bars in the hopes that you still love them. It's just too much clean-up work.