From the Jul 13 – Jul 19, 2000 issue

Columns

I, Anonymous

When your mother invited us to her house for lunch, I was happy that she finally knew the two of us were such a hot item. I enjoyed her company very much, and was glad to stay and chat after you had to return to your job.

You told me a lot about this nice lady. Why did you leave out the fact that she is a nymphomaniac whore? She went from June Cleaver to Peg Bundy in one fell swoop and practically raped me over the remaining hummus and pitas on the kitchen table. I finally gave up resisting and was going to let her have her way with me. But when her fat, drooling boyfriend entered the picture, I carried my ass outta there quick.

Now you have the nerve to believe her claim that I forced myself on Mommy Dearest. I can halfway understand why you and she would get restraining orders against each other, but do I need to restrain Mom's nasty-ass boyfriend, too? Fuck you and your beat-up "family!"

--Anonymous

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.

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