Columns

I, Anonymous

Your Wedding Sucks

I, Anonymous

STeven Weissman

  • comments (235)
  • Print

You used Papyrus as a font on your wedding invite. We can get past that. Asking for money instead of gifts so you can fund your honeymoon AND your fucking trip to Burning Man? It's tacky and obnoxious, but I'll let it slide. But charging for food, booze, and "carnival games"? Encouraging people to bring a guest... as long as the guest pays 20 bucks into a "wedding gift box" at the door?! The note encouraging photographer-friends to work for free and send you digital files was a nice touch. But this part's REALLY special: I found out that some people got a "ticket" with their invitation, entitling them to a wristband and a VIP area with free food. You have been going to shitty festivals for too long and you are confused. I am not going to pay at the door, pay for my drinks, pay for food, watch you get married, and then watch other people get into the VIP area. I can't wait to see what kind of hustle you're gonna try to pull when you get knocked up. Guess what: If you can't afford a big fancy wedding, you have a potluck and a ceremony in the backyard with your closest friends. Sure, maybe you couldn't invite everyone and throw a carnival, but it would be meaningful and wouldn't leave half the people you know horrified and embarrassed. recommended

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
 

Comments (235) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Yuck. That wedding sounds appalling.
Posted by Gradstudent on July 28, 2010 at 11:13 AM · Report this
wondergus 2
Wedding-fundraiser.
Posted by wondergus on July 28, 2010 at 11:26 AM · Report this
3
Sounds like the worst wedding EVER, I bet the bride gets pissed off about writing thank you notes too
Posted by toolazytosignup on July 28, 2010 at 11:39 AM · Report this
4
Auction off the first night!! Commit!
Posted by I would hit that on July 28, 2010 at 11:42 AM · Report this
biffster 5
It's cool, Anonymous, your "Thank You" card is in the mail!
Posted by biffster on July 28, 2010 at 11:47 AM · Report this
Anthropomorhpise Me 6
Sounds pretty cool. Can you get me a ticket?
Posted by Anthropomorhpise Me on July 28, 2010 at 11:50 AM · Report this
7
Hahaha. That really is tacky. Are there no parents or in-laws to put a stop to that mess? But you have also committed a crime. "Invite" is a verb.
Posted by kmlalk on July 28, 2010 at 12:02 PM · Report this
8
@4, that would be appropriate. As a fall-back, I hope the bride and groom consumated the marriage in full view as the crowning event of the evening. Carnival games aren't worth $20.
Posted by CleverScreenName on July 28, 2010 at 12:26 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 9
I guess I'm tacky, but I don't see the problem asking for money rather than household items. The traditional wedding gift harkens back to a day when couples weren't living together in sin for years before getting married.

That said, charging for food is really unacceptable.
Posted by keshmeshi on July 28, 2010 at 12:30 PM · Report this
10
2 wedding deals in a row? Starting a theme for this column?
Posted by octomom on July 28, 2010 at 12:45 PM · Report this
11
Charging people for the privilege of attending your wedding?! Holy shit. That is the most repulsive display of egotism I've heard of in a long time.
Posted by science chick on July 28, 2010 at 1:00 PM · Report this
12
This is so hilarious, I can't believe it. The bride's bad taste knows no bounds. Is she going to have bouncers at the VIP area? "I vow to love, honor, and kick my guests' butts."

This definitely calls for a food fight - hey - you paid for it!
Posted by DogBreath on July 28, 2010 at 2:04 PM · Report this
13
You know I'm trying to kick my habit of leaving such negative posts here. I'm going to try to give this Anon the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she's just found a really creative way of shortening the guest list?
Posted by Diagoras on July 28, 2010 at 2:24 PM · Report this
14
ooh...shoot..I meant the Anon's target: the Bridezilla
Posted by Diagoras on July 28, 2010 at 2:25 PM · Report this
growler 15
i was at that wedding, and a VIP. didn't spend a dime. got drunk as fuck, and nailed a bridesmaid. BOOOOOOYAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Posted by growler on July 28, 2010 at 3:19 PM · Report this
16
I call bullshit on this "I, Anonymous". NO ONE could possibly be this tacky, could they? I've heard some wedding horror stories, but this would take the prize if it was real. Let's see the invite; I want NAMES!
Posted by MrB on July 28, 2010 at 3:19 PM · Report this
17
Did they supply an atm machine wrapped in a bow for the last minute withdrawals that some guest might "want" to make?
Posted by masshole on July 28, 2010 at 3:49 PM · Report this
The Wild Sow 18
Only "half"?
Posted by The Wild Sow on July 28, 2010 at 7:13 PM · Report this
19
So, the invitations MEAN to tell people "I want you at the wedding, but I also want remind you that you're in the 'out crowd'"?

Sounds like the happy couple are still mentally in high school and still want to decide who gets to sit at the "cool kids table" in the lunchroom of life.

Posted by AlaskanbutnotSeanParnell on July 28, 2010 at 7:53 PM · Report this
20
Some of my younger friends have attended similar events, including equally creepy fundraiser style bridal showers designed to try to scrape in more money. I suspect the bridezilla learned of such things from the internet.

I don't remember anything this tacky 20 years ago. But maybe I just didn't know the wrong people.
Posted by El Brucio on July 28, 2010 at 10:33 PM · Report this
21
I know no-one will read down this far, but...

What's your beef with Papyrus font?
Posted by Ram Punchington on July 29, 2010 at 12:01 AM · Report this
22
@9: Yeah. I was thinking: Money can also be a cultural tradition. Chinese weddings? Italian and Portuguese? And probably others.

That said, if I wrote "cash preferred", I'd still have a registry for those who might want to use it and completely understand if people felt more comfortable giving a gift and not overtly revealing how much they're able to afford for me. Making your guests comfortable should be a priority of any host/hostess.

@16: Ditto! Kind of surreal.
Posted by Gloria on July 29, 2010 at 5:54 AM · Report this
23
@10: I think it's just that time of year.
Posted by Gloria on July 29, 2010 at 5:55 AM · Report this
24
EWWWWWWW!
Now, I admit to being so snippy and old fashioned that I still view gift registries with a certain amount of suspicion, though I'm not sure how else a couple is supposed to make their preferred china and silver patterns known. (It IS a quandry because these days chances are slim that a guest knows at least one set of parents and half of the bridesmaids well enough to ring them up and ask "So, what would Jim and Susie like as a wedding gift?")

But this- this is beyond the pale.
The use of the Papyrus font is the least offensive thing this Anon. mentions.... and I fear for the children produced by this couple. I'm imagining them charging 5 bucks a head for family and friends to attend their kindergarten pagent and shaking people down at birthdays, holidays and graduations.

To the couple: Guess what? Life is NOT a game of Monopoly- you are not owed a bonus for reaching the milestones.
Posted by LeBeau59741 on July 29, 2010 at 7:51 AM · Report this
More, I Say! 25
@21, in design circles, it's very vogue to shit on "decorative" fonts like Papyrus and poor, beleaguered Comic Sans...
That being said, though they ARE fairly tacky fonts that should never be used professionally, it's JUST a wedding invite.

& @7: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/i…
It's cool, I think we can say that Slog vernacular is decidedly "informal."
Posted by More, I Say! on July 29, 2010 at 9:51 AM · Report this
Sat'n 26
LeBeau, I think you meant, "Life is not a game of Life."

That said, i wish I knew these people so I could bring along some drunks and methheads and crash the gate. If they are going to charge festival prices, they should learn that they have to have festival security too.
Posted by Sat'n on July 29, 2010 at 10:08 AM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 27
I know several couples that I am amazed, given some of the collective egos, didn't charge people to go to their weddings.
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on July 29, 2010 at 10:11 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 28
@7 These people are clearly the products of broken homes, possibly abused as children. Either that, or raised by wolves. They obviously have no idea about the foundation of a lasting marriage.
Posted by Sir Vic on July 29, 2010 at 10:13 AM · Report this
thatsnotright 29
@9 and @22 You can't actually ask for anything, cash or gifts. A wedding is not an opportunity to shake down your friends and relatives. You may create a gift registry and *hope* people will be kind enough to give you something, but no one is obligated to give the happy couple anything. That's why they are called presents instead of payment. @22 makes a ggod point that in some cultures money is a traditional gift, but it is still a present. These people sound horrible, Anonymous has every reason to be outraged and call them on it.
Posted by thatsnotright on July 29, 2010 at 10:15 AM · Report this
libraboy 30
Bridezilla is a cunt. I don't use that word lightly.

@7: "invite" is an acceptable abbreviation for the noun "invitation".

@16: Yes, there are people this tacky. I've known some. Bell curve...

I hope that the concepts of "wedding gifts" and "parents of the bride pay for the wedding" are becoming passe. I find the showzilla idea of weddings offensive and wasteful, and at the age of most wedding couples gifts are just unnecessary. Unsolicited gifts are welcome, but gifts should never be required. If you don't have enough money for a honeymoon, save up and go later. My "honeymoon" has been romantic getaways to various McMenamin's accommodations.

If parents want to chip in for a wedding, that's cool, but expecting it when you're 25 or 30 is just ridiculous. Are you an adult or not?

(departs from soapbox--just my opinion, ya know?)
Posted by libraboy on July 29, 2010 at 10:24 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 31
@ 9, asking for money instead of presents is always tacky, regardless of the occasion.
Posted by Matt from Denver on July 29, 2010 at 10:37 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 32
Following up my thought @ 31, there are some cultures where that's traditional as @ 22 points out. But this couple is obviously going way beyond that.
Posted by Matt from Denver on July 29, 2010 at 10:39 AM · Report this
Julie in Eugene 33
@9 and @22, one way to "ask for cash" without really asking for cash is to use one of these "honeymoon registry" sites they have nowadays. You register for nights at your hotel, dinners, activities, etc., but it's really just a cash gift -- the person buying it feels like they're actually buying something and not just giving cash, though. I've definitely appreciated this as a guest, because I hate just giving cash, for some reason.

I would be willing to bet my left arm that this couple did not go that route, however.
Posted by Julie in Eugene on July 29, 2010 at 10:41 AM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 34
Given the people I know in the Burner circles, I wonder what number marriage this is for each of them. Also, I give it 3 years.

Charging at the door for your wedding party is tacky no matter what. But, making money off your friends is the burner way...regardless of whether you have anything to actually contribute.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 29, 2010 at 10:50 AM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 35
Oh, and I have no problem giving just cash. It saves me a lot of hassle because I hate shopping. And, a lot of people I know who are on their first marriage could truly use the money for things like rent, food, gas, electricity, beer, etc instead of purely materialistic things they may not be able to fit into their current 500 sq ft apartment.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 29, 2010 at 10:53 AM · Report this
knowsbetterthanyouall 36
@31. Depends how it's done. Opening a registry is no different from saying "hey, help us buy stuff we need" (or as 9 pointed out, "we don't really need because we already have two sets of everything)".
Asking for money specifically for your honeymoon (not to pay your utility bills. That would be tacky) is saying "help us spend some memorable time together".
Posted by knowsbetterthanyouall on July 29, 2010 at 11:02 AM · Report this
blip 37
i hope anon prints this out and sends it in lieu of the RSVP. fucking burners.
Posted by blip on July 29, 2010 at 11:13 AM · Report this
38
Stupid Americans!
Posted by TaterBug on July 29, 2010 at 11:17 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 39
@ 36, good point.
Posted by Matt from Denver on July 29, 2010 at 11:33 AM · Report this
wilbur@work 40
@34 - good insight. Glad I'm not part of the inner, outer, or known circle of anyone like these schnozzles. Burn the man (and woman), indeed.
Posted by wilbur@work on July 29, 2010 at 11:37 AM · Report this
J-Haxx 41
I would have turned around and left....seriously, who else here would have to, raise your hands
Posted by J-Haxx http://defyaugury.livejournal.com on July 29, 2010 at 11:43 AM · Report this
Tracy 42
stating a preference for cash seems fine, but the rest of it...yuck! The VIP section is especially horrible.
Posted by Tracy on July 29, 2010 at 11:51 AM · Report this
Julie in Eugene 43
@41 I probably would have stayed and had fun. However, there is no chance in hell I would have bought them a present. Pay for a meal/drink/entertainment and then give them cash too? No freakin' way.
Posted by Julie in Eugene on July 29, 2010 at 12:02 PM · Report this
Julie in Eugene 44
@41 I probably would have stayed and had fun. However, there is no chance in hell I would have bought them a present. Pay for a meal/drink/entertainment and then give them cash too? No freakin' way.
Posted by Julie in Eugene on July 29, 2010 at 12:04 PM · Report this
McGee 45
As soon as I saw no free liquor that invitation would have went right in the trash.
Posted by McGee on July 29, 2010 at 12:54 PM · Report this
46
yeah - I just got married last year. The weddings I went to that were dry or cash bar were the least fun. These people came a long way to see me get hitched, the least I can do is wine, dine, and throw a good party!

We did the registry thing, also got a fair amount of cash: all the thank you notes for cash included a note about what we spent it on (I got a great stove). Like anyone was going to by me a $2k stove....? :-)
Posted by ariane on July 29, 2010 at 1:33 PM · Report this
47
Yeah, it's tacky as sh!t, but at least they're spelling out their price. If it's worth that price to you ($20 is a good deal--if that's the stated charge, I'd take it) then go. If not, then I guess you're busy that night washing your hair. Personally I think it sounds like a great opportunity to drop these people. But that's just me being a hater.
Posted by Prettybetsy on July 29, 2010 at 3:15 PM · Report this
48
BTW, @29 and @31 are right. A wedding is a party you throw for your guests to thank them to take time off and fly somewhere to watch you you you on your big day. Any gifts they may bring or send are just gravy.

A discreet registry, information supplied only upon request, is OK. But that's it. Gifts are never mentioned on an invitation.
Posted by Prettybetsy on July 29, 2010 at 3:22 PM · Report this
Julie in Eugene 49
I have no problem with a cash bar (well, that's not true, obviously I'd rather be at a reception without a cash bar than with one). There is such a thing as a flask, you know. Sometimes extended families are religious, and sometimes there's not enough money in the budget, etc., etc. I consider that to be about a 3 out of 10 on the tackiness scale (having guests pay for food is a 10, the VIP area is an 11).
Posted by Julie in Eugene on July 29, 2010 at 3:34 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 50
@47 it seemed that the $20 was on top of whatever gift you gave them for the extra guests.

@49 the only way the VIP area isn't tacky is if it's for the talent who are doing it pro Bono.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 29, 2010 at 5:49 PM · Report this
51
Just because you don't like how one couple is planning their wedding doesn't mean you have the right to discriminate against the rest of us burners. That being said, I'll admit that I personally wouldn't sell tickets to my wedding but it's their wedding! They have the right to do what they want or pay for it however they want. If people don't like it, then don't go.

Asking photographer friends to work for free - I think it's better than leaving disposable cameras on the tables for guests to use. I've always hated that tradition!

Charging money for carnival games - more fun then pimping the bride to earn a dollar every time she dances with some drunk guy at the reception!
Posted by SeattleGalz on July 29, 2010 at 6:34 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 52
@51 You are a prime example of the reason I left the burner community.

Discriminate the whole burner community? Hyperbole much? Bitch, please. Denigrate, Belittle, Disparage, maybe... But discriminate? Fuck off. Nobody said the rude motherfuckers couldn't do what they wanted...but I would sure bitch them out.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 29, 2010 at 7:10 PM · Report this
53
Fuck you burning raver hippies. I saw my wedding as an opportunity to have a kick ass family reunion and it was. I could give two shits I'm still paying for it two years later.
Posted by Hybrid Vigor on July 29, 2010 at 8:23 PM · Report this
54
this is about my wedding. None of you know me, or my fiance. Considering you do not have the invitation in front of you to fully understand the details leaves all of your comments flawed in some way. I'm just so destroyed that some one would reach out to publicly humiliate me in such a way to try and ruin my wedding day.
Posted by phantomburned on July 29, 2010 at 8:46 PM · Report this
55
Phantomburned- If you are in fact the bride, you have hopelessly confused the protocol for planning a rave or festival, nominally open to the public and frankly commercial events at which money is due for whatever entertainments or refreshments are offered and the concept of planning a WEDDING a solemn and we hope joyful *private* function to which friends and family are invited as guests. A wedding should be planned within the budget of the hosts. Guests do not pay for admission- that's what customers do.
Posted by LeBeau59741 on July 29, 2010 at 9:40 PM · Report this
56
why would i lie about being publicly humiliated. and once again.. the details bitched about. are NOT accurate.
Posted by phantomburned on July 29, 2010 at 10:40 PM · Report this
57
i'm exhuasted. i'm planning a wedding.. a carnival..and a freakshow. everyone can say what they will. i can't waste my time reading what a group of people think... who don't actually know what's going on. given what was stated i can understand the arguments and points people are making.. but in the same respect.. this is about some one's wedding day.... you don't have all the facts... i mean.. really? ...i wouldn't shit all over any of your ideas or lives...you have no idea of what my life is like.. you have no idea of how i feel.. and none of you actually care .. you just want some one else to shit on and bitch about. i would love to take the person who wrote this and sit with them.. and talk to them.. and look in their fucking face and ask them.. what did i ever do to you to pick me apart and so publicly and inaccurately. i'm hurt, and annoyed.. so you've done what you sought out to do. i hope you feel better.. i really do.
Posted by phantomburned on July 29, 2010 at 10:49 PM · Report this
58
I am a guest at this wedding and I will be happily donating. I think it is ridiculous that this was even posted here. We are her friends. We care about them and are going to go because we love them and I look at it as I am giving them a GIFT not an entry fee. Please don't hurt the people I love it's not fair. Would you want someone posting about your wedding or you childs birth or whatever happy occasion you choose and ripping it to shreds? You live your way and we will live ours how we choose, now please really just let this drop.
Posted by happyguest on July 29, 2010 at 10:56 PM · Report this
59
If you can't afford the wedding of your dreams either a) wait until you can or b) settle for something less. My husband and I got married young and poor. Even though I had dreams of a big, beautiful wedding we married at the courthouse with 5 witnesses and then went out to dinner. Three years later and we have still not had a honeymoon.

These sound like people who feel completely entitled for no good reason!
Posted by People suck on July 29, 2010 at 11:34 PM · Report this
60
I am another guest and in the wedding party as well. The details put forth by this I-anonymous post were taken out of context and even inaccurate. I can only assume this was not a person invited but a person who has only seen an invitation given to someone else.. I couldn't imagine any of the friends/ invitees to this occasion would be that ruthless, judgmental and mean spirited. The bride and groom have put a huge effort into this wedding to make their special day unique and enjoyable for everyone invited. The request for money instead of gifts is not required, is not an unusual request and is perfectly acceptable. If you have a problem because this wedding is not "traditional" or say "not how a wedding should be", who are you to judge? A wedding is what the bride and groom choose to make it. To you, I-anonymous poster: I don't understand what could possibly move you to publicly ridicule two of my best friends for the way they have chosen to celebrate their marriage, as it doesn't affect you or your well being in the slightest. You obviously have serious unhappiness inside of you and way too much time on your hands.
Posted by TheBridesmaid on July 29, 2010 at 11:51 PM · Report this
61
Has anyone stopped to think how horrible and assholish the person writing this is? your all bitching about the bride or the groom when your only hearing half the story, and from someone who is obviously angry....this person was obviously invited, meaning they are suppose to be a "friend" or family member and they're writing to the stranger? Bringing this all out for the public to bitch and complain about, and most likely making the people, getting married, doing it the way they want to in a way that makes them happy feel like total crap? What a pussy!

I can't imagine this being as extreme as this person is trying to make it. But it sounds like, even from him, the only people they are making pay are uninvited people...if I didn't invite you to my wedding, and you want to come, then heck yes, pay your way. Obviously its gotta be pretty cool if people not invited WANT to come....and in that respect cut them some slack...it is still their wedding, and if I was the bride I’d be crying myself to sleep right now...Shitty way to start an event that is suppose to be a once in a lifetime thing…

Posted by myvotecounts on July 30, 2010 at 12:18 AM · Report this
62
Only self-centered pieces of shit ask their photographer friends to shoot for free. The super lazy pieces of shit make the request by form letter. They did it only because they know a decent wedding photog runs over $3K.

I would have paid the $20, grabbed the mic during dinner and asked the bride to earn that $20.

Then I would have stood on the head table, dropped my pants and dropped a deuce.

I do not kid.
Posted by joemomma on July 30, 2010 at 12:49 AM · Report this
63
Well, perhaps those who are claiming to be part of this wedding could explain why it's not as it's been presented here. Then we wouldn't be all in your shit.
Posted by telluswhy on July 30, 2010 at 1:52 AM · Report this
64
Sweetheart, I'll bet you're busy with a wedding and a carnival and a freakshow. That's the problem with destination weddings (and this is basically a destination wedding that never leaves town): you're assuming that the kind of entertainment you want to pay for is the same thing everybody else wants to pay for. "Oh but" the destination-planners say, "everybody loves Hawaii/Disneyland/a Rush concert/an astronomy lecture/a Caribbean cruise/Corfu!" Well, maybe, maybe not.

Sure, the people who are happy to pay your asking price for a scaled-down, shitty festival are going to pay it. You may be surprised how many people won't. If you want to make sure that everyone at the wedding will share your exact idea of what kind of good time is worth paying for, then you've got it. But if you actually want everybody you invite to want to come, you've got to pay for it yourself. 
Posted by Prettybetsy on July 30, 2010 at 2:19 AM · Report this
65
Whenever i get a wedding invite that states "cash bar" unless I am FORCED to go because of whoever it is, I reduce my monetary gift by half. Just so you know, you are shortchanging yourself by doing that. Seriously what would it cost $500 to get a bunch of kegs and maybe 2 cases of cheepass liqour? People go to wedding for free booze, not to immerese themselves in your ridicoulous "experience". And yes, stating "money prefered" is tacky as hell. I want an update on what actually happens with this..I bet they have about half or less invited actually show. Like I said, saying CASH bar at any wedding will not only make people NOT want to come, those that do will not give as generous a gift.
Posted by bobrockets on July 30, 2010 at 6:15 AM · Report this
66
@51
@61
if i may say or rather write you are holes.
I am sorry i did not phrase myself correctly you are ass holes.
Yet again, I am sorry i did not make myself clear you are freaking fucking ass holes.
@61 your english sucks
Posted by chaya760 on July 30, 2010 at 6:19 AM · Report this
67
I miswrote that. I wont go to a wedding if it's cash bar, unless it's someone's I absolutley have to go to. And I will add for all those homebrewers, Sure I'll try your grog, but please if your going to offer up your batch at your wedding, get some pabst or something on tap too even if it offends your beer snob sensibilites, because I've seen what happens at a wedding with contaminated homebrew and its not pretty.
Posted by bobrockets on July 30, 2010 at 6:28 AM · Report this
68
it's strange that the "bride" and "guests" who posted here have yet to report back with an explanation of the inaccuracies so we can all start hating on the correct target...
Posted by tal on July 30, 2010 at 8:07 AM · Report this
Sat'n 69
"i'm exhuasted. i'm planning a wedding.. a carnival..and a freakshow."

That's for fucking sure! Thanks for being such a sport! Ha ha!
Posted by Sat'n on July 30, 2010 at 8:15 AM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 70
The bride should be able to wipe her tears away with the entry fee, if not the profit from the food and drink.

Anonymous probably thought they were a decent friend, not a wallet with legs and hugs to be kept hostage for everybody's entertainment.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 30, 2010 at 8:18 AM · Report this
71
You people are some of the most snide, arrogant and pretentious pricks I've seen online in quite a while.

First thing first, yes, this event has food available for a fee because their are a variety of restaurants involved and they'd rather make full price rather than a slimmed down catering menu which they also don't offer in the first place.

Secondly, this is a large scale event, not some shitty little boring ceremony where you are all waiting to be able to start drinking once the wedding is over and the party begins. There is live music, fire jugglers, flame swallowers, acrobats, circus freaks, and a lot more. This is an event not unlike Jim Rose's sideshow and there just happens to be a wedding smack dab in the middle of it as far as any guests (who aren't the bride & groom's close friends) are concerned.

Third, Where do you people get off talking about not accepting cash present instead of physical gifts for wedding presents? I've been to several weddings where cash donations were accepted and when you've got a couple that is hard to pick the right gift for (or have everything they need in their house already) it makes it MUCH more convenient and you know they'll use the money in a way that they will enjoy far more than a fucking fruit basket or membership to the wine of the month club, a toaster or any other stereotypical wedding present. If you are all so naive and simple that you honestly believe there's something wrong with honestly just wanting money to enjoy experiences with than you need to open your eyes to the reality of the current world around you then get off your high horses and have them kick some sense into your dense friggin' skulls.

Fourth, the "VIP" area and it's food? Seriously? It's the equivalent of having closer seats and nothing more. That "free food" you're flipping out over? Yeah, it's the equivalent of bar snacks like nuts, popcorn, etc... Nothing wrong with that at all, it's their wedding and when was the last time you got to see a circus sideshow, party with your friends to good DJ's and live music, drink to your heart's content AND be fed all for free? Never? Yeah, me either.

You know, I find the most telling thing about this rant from this soon to be ostracized member of the crew of friends is that you've probably been on the receiving end of this couple's generosity more times than you could count and took full advantage of it every time! Were you at the Superbowl party when they had full traditional King Cake, a variety of hot wings & cajun foods like Jumbalaya & Etoufee' available along with prizes for Fleur De Li coloring contests for guests and a ton of free booze? Or, how about when they setup the epic DJ'ed Halloween party with full light system again with booze & food and let at least a dozen people crash over at their place afterwards & made breakfast for everyone? Now however they want to throw an even more massive event and oh boo-hoo, they are finally asking for help in order to make it a truly epic event. Sorry but everything this couple does is under the "Go big or go home" umbrella and I'm so sorry that they actually ask for you to help out once out of al the times they've thrown events for us their friends.

My list goes on and on when it comes to all the kind, amazing things this couple has done for their friends without ever asking for a single thing in return so fuck you anon for your petty vindictiveness. I only hope you have the balls to admit who you are and not show up as the couple are amazing enough people to forgive you for your bullshit but myself and many of the other guests are not. You sicken me whoever you are and now I'm just going to be going down the list trying to figure out who you are so that everyone can make sure to never trouble you with invitations to any events that we (The dozens of actual friends of the couple) work with, for and on...
More...
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 8:53 AM · Report this
72
@ Joemamma's #62:
"Only self-centered pieces of shit ask their photographer friends to shoot for free. The super lazy pieces of shit make the request by form letter. They did it only because they know a decent wedding photog runs over $3K."

Actually, considering the sheer number of professional photographers & filmmakers this couple knows it makes it much easier so they don't insult any of their friends who have all offered to do it for free by hiring an unknown or paying a friend to spend all of their time working instead of having fun. As a video professional (who is filming, editing and producing DVDs of the wedding for them as a present) I find their choice to be the best combination of all options.

Apparently you don't know many professionals who love their work otherwise you might have some clue as to what you are talking about.

@Bobrocket's #65:

"Seriously what would it cost $500 to get a bunch of kegs and maybe 2 cases of cheepass liqour?"

On top of the thousands being spent on the location, entertainment talent, setup, cleanup & insurance for a full on event you expect them to pay for the bar as well? My, you sure do seem to thing the sun shines out of your ass don't you? Of course a giant party should be thrown just for you so that you can get drunk on other people's dimes right? Grow up and learn to spell you self-centered brat.

@ tal's #68:

"it's strange that the "bride" and "guests" who posted here have yet to report back with an explanation of the inaccuracies so we can all start hating on the correct target..."

The entire I anon rant is inaccurate. This is a 6 hour + event with aerialists, fire jugglers, burlesque dancers, fire performers, contortionists, carnival games, live music & DJs and more with a ton of burners, ravers, punks (of both the traditional and steam variety), multimedia professionals, artists and so many others it'd take me an hour if not more to explain it all... Suffice to say, it's a HUGE private event.

Asking for $20 for people not invited? Ummm, yeah. People who aren't invited or are guests of someone who was but hasn't notified the couple (all they would have to do is say oh could you please have me +1?) doesn't seem like a problem to me at all. No wedding crashers that way and if there are, they contribute. I don't understand how anyone could be upset with the couple about this...

The private area? What's wrong with the couple having their closest friends who have helped them through the years and lived, laughed and loved with them even closer to them and showing these people how much they care? This is the same as a normal wedding except it's not in front of everyone else. No big deal there either.

Whoever wrote the I anon is a selfish jerk and they obviously don't appreciate the couple is all I can say. As a guest and friend of the couple I cannot understand how anyone who knows these two wonderful people could ever get upset by any of this...
More...
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 9:37 AM · Report this
73
@29: Oh, yeah, I DEFINITELY agree gifts are optional. 100%.

I'm only saying that it's considerate to provide options so everyone's preferences/comfort levels can be accommodated. Not having a registry might annoy some people who don't want to shop endlessly, etc.

Personally, I don't see a registry and think "greedy bastards." I think it's an efficient way to make sure nobody's wasting their time and money unnecessarily, and I really prefer it. And even if I don't buy off the registry (never felt obligated to), it's a handy reminder of what everyone else might be buying.

@48: That sounds like work to me. I agree stating gift preferences ON the invitation is a tad mercenary, but there's no problem with providing that kind of info on a separate card along with directions to venue, etc. Or on the couple's wedding website. So handy.
Posted by Gloria on July 30, 2010 at 9:40 AM · Report this
74
What a special couple. And # 71, you are so lucky to be able to suck up to them so thoroughly. I bet they won't have to wipe their asses for a week! As far as sucking up goes, you go big or go home! Just like your very good and generous friends!

You have a little entoufee on your chin, though.
Posted by Schick on July 30, 2010 at 9:41 AM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 75
@J242 Just so we're clear...is the entry fee on top of the gifts or not?

Do the photographers get in free?

And, is the couple expecting to make a profit on this, especially since this guest list probably will include many who weren't at, or even invited to, the fantabulously epic super bowl party or the halloween party?
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 30, 2010 at 9:50 AM · Report this
76
I remember when I Anonymous used to be a column where people actually anonymously did random things to other people/things out of spite/desperation/boredome/loathing/insanity, etc. Now this column is just full of dumbass venting or complaints. Lame.
Posted by Wedgwood99 on July 30, 2010 at 10:28 AM · Report this
JF 77
@71 here it is - in order:

1) That's tacky

2) That doesn't justify asking people for an entrance fee.

3) That's super fucking tacky. Nobody said she can't, they all just pointed out the obvious: it's tacky.

4)When was the last time I went to wedding that featured free food, music & booze? Last weekend - those are the most standard items at any decent wedding and they happen ALL the time. Nobody gives a fuck about a circus show. That's nothing more than attempt by the B&G to prove they are individuals, creative, and some how not part of a mass tradition that's been going on for centuries.

5) If you can't afford the "go big or go home" mantra, don't do it. (read: 2008 US Economic Melt Down)

6) That's the beauty of I, Anon...
Posted by JF on July 30, 2010 at 10:30 AM · Report this
78
Rich and famous people should have their weddings on private islands, far away from normal people, just to avoid the kind of disgusting fawning and ass-suckery that J242 feels compelled to do here. Jesus.
Posted by BettyGillette on July 30, 2010 at 10:31 AM · Report this
79
I was invited to this wedding and was put off by the "bring love, cash and your camera!" line. I was even more put off by the fact that if I wanted to come with my spouse, well that would be a $20 cover charge.

I'm in the camp of peope who believe that if you can't afford a huge wedding, you scale it back or put it on your credit card. I can see one of the friends rabidly defending the bride and groom and calling objectors as selfish...however, I feel that asking your friends to foot a chunk of your wedding bill is also selfish. The friends that are willing to pony up will be there and the ones who aren't will have other things to do.

It's not an unconvential or unique idea...it's a club night, it is a rave in the form of a wedding and if that's the kind of wedding they want, that's cool. However, with throwing this kind of a pay admission for your wedding guest/husband/wife thing is not going to sit well with people who just wanted to see them get married. If you have the balls to throw a rave for a wedding, you should also have the balls to not be crushed when people don't feel like paying for the carnival.
Posted by busy on July 30, 2010 at 11:08 AM · Report this
80
Lets clear up any questions. The invitation reads:
-Come Join the freak show (in very large print)

smaller print than what is above for the section that follows

-Carnival Games- Big Prizes
Games run from 7pm-11pm. Kids play free. $1 per game, win tickets for Big raffle prizes at 11:30pm
-Aerialist, Juggles, Burlesque fire performers, contortionist
-Live DJ's - Music and Dancing
-Theme costumes encouraged
-No Host Bars
-Carnival food vendors
Bring Love, Cash and your camera

The back reads:
We will not have a gift registry. instead we are humbly requesting a suggested $20 or more cash or check gift, to help us fund our 2010 trip to Burning Man and our honeymoon. Envelopes will be provided at the door.

Please feel free to bring your friends! Anyone NOT on the guest list will be REQUIRED to pay $20 into a wedding gift box at the door.

To our guests aged 21+ pleae bring your ID for the Bar. No ID = NO liquor

Please bring cash for Games/food/drinks

Photographers please bring your cameras! We request digital copies, and will pay you for your prints.
-----------------

So that's it. Yes, its appalling, yes it's tacky, and yes I am going to watch two people very much in love get married. The rest of it is just fashion. If you don't like it, then don't come.
Posted by bitch on July 30, 2010 at 11:51 AM · Report this
81
Wow you people AMAZE me, I too am a close friend of the bride and groom and as stated NUMEROUS times, even by I Anon himself, the entry fee is for people NOT invited.
The guests (those invited) are not required to do anything. And honestly, if they don’t want to pay for anything they’re still getting a great show, just no booze or food….I’ve been to many weddings that had a cash only bar and no food served…at least they are providing the option to buy food if you’re hungry….and for the record, no they are not making a profit, they are having other people come in to serve their guests – and those people may or may not be making a profit, but not them.

@79 – you are a tool, and obviously must not be close to these people at all, you don’t have to pay $20 to bring your husband! Are you kidding me? Obviously you didn’t even ask them….now, you want to bring friends that don’t know them, then yes they probably have to pay…

@73 – the photographers are their friends, are guests, so no they do not have to pay.

@74 – the reason he is defending them so much is not to suck up to them, but because he cares about them. These people are some of the nicest most generous people that I know. And ya, maybe they go a little overboard sometimes, but its only because they want their friends to have the best time ever…they don’t expect anything in return and when you are a friend, seeing someone you care ripped apart like this it’s just infuriating…
Posted by Someonewhocares on July 30, 2010 at 11:56 AM · Report this
82
@TheMisanthrope

"And, is the couple expecting to make a profit on this, especially since this guest list probably will include many who weren't at, or even invited to, the fantabulously epic super bowl party or the halloween party?"

No, they aren't looking at coming anywhere remotely near a profit on this and wanted to have food & drink covered for everyone but simply couldn't afford it.
Most everyone from previous parties have been invited to the wedding to my knowledge but I'm not the planner or anything.
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 11:56 AM · Report this
83
"Rich and famous people should have their weddings on private islands, far away from normal people, just to avoid the kind of disgusting fawning and ass-suckery that J242 feels compelled to do here. Jesus."

Hey BettyGillete, here's an idea for you. How about instead of forming half-assed opinions about people you don't know (holding a private event) and venting your pathetic "moral outrage" or whatnot you take your thoughts and shove them back up your ass where they belong m'kay?

@JF: "When was the last time I went to wedding that featured free food, music & booze? Last weekend - those are the most standard items at any decent wedding and they happen ALL the time. Nobody gives a fuck about a circus show. That's nothing more than attempt by the B&G to prove they are individuals, creative, and some how not part of a mass tradition that's been going on for centuries."

I didn't ask when the last time you went to a tradition marriage with all the boring bells & whistles of a standard wedding was, I asked when the last time you went to a giant party. A party where there is multiple forms of live entertainment and not some shitty wedding band playing songs everyone needs to get drunk to dance to. This is going to be a massive party, not some boring suit & tie church wedding. As for not liking the circus show, that's your choice but for all of the friends of the bride & groom, it's going to be a blast and we all really like the idea of it. We'll have fun and everyone here will still be complaining about someone's choices that have no effect on their lives whatsoever. Pathetic, truly pathetic.
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 12:04 PM · Report this
84
@Someonewhocares: It's good to know some more of us are coming in and setting things straight.

I never would have met the love of my life if the Groom hadn't selflessly invited me to come down to New Orleans with him for Mardi Gras a few years back. He gave me a free (and NICE) place to stay in the quarter, covered transportation and showed me a great time in the big easy all because I had been down and stressed so he wanted to make sure I had a good time.

My girlfriend would never have the job she loves so much now if the Bride hadn't selflessly hired her on and trained her on the job at the Bride's expense! That training is what earned my cajun girl her job in our neighborhood working with great people and helping support local charities while making a living...

These two people are by far two of the most loving, kind, caring and generous people I've had the good fortune of knowing so I'm absolutely going to stand up and call out people for ignorantly assuming they are trying to abuse their friends. If any of you speaking so negatively about this event had ever met these two people, you wouldn't be commenting like you are is all I can say.
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 12:14 PM · Report this
85
@72--your words smell like those of a self-centered, self-deluded piece of shit.

Trust me--professional photographers & videographers do not get offended when "friends" do not ask them to provide $3,000-$15,000 of services, product, time, overhead, insurance, licenses, $25-35K in equipment, labor, etc... for free. Pull your head out of the sand, loser.

Anyone who request anything other than attendance in a wedding invitation is a self-centered gift-grubbing piece of shit. Even including your wedding registry info with an invitation means you are a self-centered gift-grubbing piece of shit at worst, severely misguided at best.
Posted by joemomma on July 30, 2010 at 12:29 PM · Report this
86
J242, you are overwhelmingly out-voted by 100% of the common-sense-possessing masses you have two brain cells to rub together.

Pull your head out of your ass and get with the program. Nothing you can say will ever convince anyone that your "friends" are anything less than tacky, selfish, self-deluded losers... Who need a computer with spell-check.
Posted by joemomma on July 30, 2010 at 12:34 PM · Report this
87
@81: The invite came clearly to me, and the invitation says "Anyone NOT on the guest list will be REQUIRED to pay $20 into a wedding gift box at the door". Spouse = not on the guest list, therefore $20. That doesn't make me a tool, that makes me someone who can read the wedding invitation.

Obviously you people who are pissed off about your friends being blasted in the stranger don't really care what anyone has to say, that's fine, they're your friends so you're defending them. It's awesome that you guys are willing to pay for your friends' wedding and I hope you have a great time. Although, all of you angry/noble/defending friends should also realize that if this is the kind of wedding they want to have, they are going to get flack for it and if they are as unconvential as they are making this all out to be...they should be able to deal with criticism for their rave.
Posted by busy on July 30, 2010 at 12:36 PM · Report this
funnylittlemunki 88
Why do girls need thousand dollar dresses, professional makeup, professional photographers, giant guest lists and a massive pile of gifts to be happy? I didn't even wear makeup to my wedding. Everyone had a really great time. We didn't go into debt, we didn't beg anyone for money. I felt crappy about even having a registry or receiving gifts of any type. The love and well-wishing of your friends and family should be enough. No money needed... You're walking away with the most valuable thing in the world - a loving partner.

Posted by funnylittlemunki on July 30, 2010 at 12:43 PM · Report this
89
by the way for all to know, J242 is the groom.
Posted by bitch on July 30, 2010 at 12:47 PM · Report this
90
I'm only disgusted by the Papyrus font choice. Everything else is fine.
Posted by Boston Font Snob on July 30, 2010 at 1:01 PM · Report this
91
J242.. You are an idiot, who obviously has idiots for friends. My inability to spell I can accept, but your attitude and reasoning I can not.

Yeah, I do expect free liqour and food at a wedding. That is pretty much the reasoning why MOST people go to weddings. So regardless of how much all that other stuff cost's, I am not going to cut check for a 50 to 100 gift to watch a freakshow/wedding, when I have to pay 20 clams to get my date in AND pay for food and drink. I don't see how that eludes you? If want to have a party/show to raise funds for your ridiculous excursions? fine, I would gladly accept and not question it. But if you are expecting a monetary gift on top of that, you are about as tacky and classless as moronic hipsters come.

And by the way, in response to "I asked when the last time you went to a giant party. A party where there is multiple forms of live entertainment and not some shitty wedding band playing songs everyone needs to get drunk to dance to. This is going to be a massive party, not some boring suit & tie church wedding"

...I can honestly say about 3 months ago, and yes, food and drink were provided, and no admission charge!
Posted by bobrockets on July 30, 2010 at 1:03 PM · Report this
92
@77 spot on
Posted by bobrockets on July 30, 2010 at 1:24 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 93
@ J242 - that's just it. If they can't afford it, they have to scale back. Does that mean not having her dream wedding? Then so be it.

Weddings are FREE FOR THE GUESTS. Free food. Free drink. Free entertainment. The couple pays for it all, and provides only what they can afford. Can't afford booze? Make it a dry wedding. Can't afford food? Then it's a potluck. Can't afford entertainment? Everyone has an mp3 player and can find speakers to plug in. Can't afford a venue? Someone they know has a back yard.

It's still a wedding, giant party or not, and these are the rules. If they want a rave, they need to foot the whole bill themselves, or at most ask for voluntary, no strings attached contributions which they mention just once in the invitation and NEVER bring it up again to ANYONE.

BTW, digital cameras and cell/smart phones have killed the disposable camera trend (and not "tradition" as you called it). They're within their rights to ask a friend for the favor of being the "official" wedding photographer, but that request shouldn't go out in the invitation.

If you're wondering why those of us "who won't be affected" are pissed off, it's because we want to make sure this doesn't become some trend that we will have to deal with. A disease is easier to treat when you kill the first germ than if you wait for a general infection to take place. If this couple is allowed to hold their wedding reception as a pay-to-get-in VIP event without LOUD OUTRAGE directed at them, some other dumbfuck will think they can do the same thing.

If they want a huge party, then leave the wedding out of it.
Posted by Matt from Denver on July 30, 2010 at 1:50 PM · Report this
94
What a bunch of shit, I'm getting married soon and would NEVER allow my guests to pay for food, drink or suggest they have cash on them to play games! If I were to have games at my wedding, THEY WOULD BE FREE, just like the entertainment (think about people who host weddings and hire the rolling stones for 9 million dollars) I don't think those B&Gs are charging admission to their weddings.

J242 it's all fine and good that you are defending your friends, the B&G have every right to do what they're doing, but if they had ever looked at any type of wedding etiquette they would know why this I, Anon is here. It's flat out wrong to ask for money or mention gifts on an invite, it's wrong to charge guests of guests to come (if they're not on the list, they're not invited to this "private event"!), it's horrifyingly wrong to have guests pay for their own food.

Cash bars are tacky, but not unheard of- I would never do it, but to each their own on that one.
Oh and one other thing J242 and other friends who have said this couple has been generous in the past so that makes it okay for them to charge at their wedding, that's just stupid. Sure it's great that they've been generous, but in the US social norms dictate that weddings are celebrations and they are hosted by the couple, their parents, etc. If they're the go-big-or-go-home type, they should expect to pay the big price tag, and don't be all surprised and hurt when someone goes to I, Anon calls them out on their selfishness. They're the idiots who didn't do an easy google search on "wedding etiquette"
Posted by try checking with emily post on July 30, 2010 at 2:02 PM · Report this
95
@Bitch:"by the way for all to know, J242 is the groom."

No "bitch", I most certainly am not... You obviously don't know the groom then as if you did you'd recognize my handle from around his house and the many parties... The groom may have a "J" in their name and their company's name but that is not me.

@Bobrocket: "Yeah, I do expect free liqour and food at a wedding. That is pretty much the reasoning why MOST people go to weddings."

So then, you honestly believe that most people ONLY go to weddings to sponge and leech off of their friends? That says a whole lot about you and YOUR friends...

"I am not going to cut check for a 50 to 100 gift to watch a freakshow/wedding, when I have to pay 20 clams to get my date in AND pay for food and drink."

If you were friends of the people who are getting married, all you would have to do is contact them and ask if you can be listed for a +1 for your date. No money needed, that simple. This isn't rocket science or even basic arithmetic and how you and so many others completely fail to understand this is simply beyond me. The groom & bride sent out emails over the course of 2 1/2 months + making sure everyone let them know if they would be attending so they could get them and their +1's on the guest list. As for food, eat before you go if you're so friggin' cheap. As for booze, bring a flask since you are so incredibly cheap. I don't expect my friends who've shelled out a ton of money for this to also shell out hundreds more just to get their guests tanked. Maybe your friends are down for that but then again, maybe you like in a frat house.

@Matt from Denver: "It's still a wedding, giant party or not, and these are the rules."

Where oh where in the halls of society is it written as a rule that the couple getting married has to foot the bill for everything? Please show me in the books of law where it ever states such a thing. Just because YOU feel it should be that way doesn't make it so for everyone else on the planet Matt.

"If you're wondering why those of us "who won't be affected" are pissed off, it's because we want to make sure this doesn't become some trend that we will have to deal with"

So in other words, you're pissed off because you would never allow for the possibility of someone not paying for everything at an important event they'd like for you to attend as a friend? With friends like you and so many others on here, who needs enemies?

@Joemomma: "Trust me--professional photographers & videographers do not get offended when "friends" do not ask them to provide $3,000-$15,000 of services, product, time, overhead, insurance, licenses, $25-35K in equipment, labor, etc... for free. Pull your head out of the sand, loser."

When said professionals want to add more diversity to their portfolios and you have multiple friends all clamoring to help out and save the couple money to put into an even bigger, better celebration? Yeah, WE would have gotten upset. The 6-8 people all putting our time & effort into the multimedia for this event so our friends have a professional product to relive whenever they want. I own my equipment, it's paid for and only a complete asshole would charge a friend for helping them out when it doesn't cost them a dime to do so. Again, people like you and all the other haters on here don't deserve friends like the B&G and frankly I'm glad none of you hating fucks will be there.

We're going to have a great time with our friends and wish the loving couple off in the best way possible with a massive celebration that will be a blast for all. Assholes and pricks like you aren't invited, thus the $20 charge at the door for you shmucks.
More...
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 2:12 PM · Report this
96
considering they throw free parties for groups of 50+ every couple weeks and let them bring whatever random buddies with em and its usually including free drink, food and music without admission...

fuck it

they are doing something for themselves for once, for those invited if the $20 bucks seems tacky, you must be new or your a cheap prick. The party hosters have given more than that to everyone at some point or another. If you are truly a friend or family you know this.

More than likely your one of the random jackasses that show up with all your homeless buddies that panhandle and beg for cigarettes and eat all the food... Your buddies are expensive, sorry they dont want to cover the whole trailer park on their wedding day buddy....

These people would give the shirt off their back, you have always had an emergency contact 24x7 , a place to stay when things are rough. They have never asked for anything, but the one time they have you had to call them assholes.

Your issue is simple, dont go, you dont have to.
Also, please dont keep showing up, if this is your backstabbing asshole way of being a "friend". Stay behind, dont show up, everyone in the group are good people, honest and friendly. If this offended you, you dont get it, your too much drama, and you dont belong.

To the rest of the folks on here, cool with your opinions. Ill be having fun with some of the best people I know. I have no need to kiss their asses as it doesnt change how genuine they will be.

for me, they are great people, and they deserve better response from the people they have helped in the past then this. They are some of the best people I know, and in the end no matter if i buy booze and food or not, its a cheaper wedding then the last 6 I went to.
More...
Posted by the fingerless midget on July 30, 2010 at 2:26 PM · Report this
97
If you can't afford to have the kind of wedding you might like to.... tough shit. Too bad. Sorry. You do NOT get to turn around and ask your guests to pay to attend, nor to help you out for free. That is pure douchebaggery. And if you can't afford the honeymoon you might like? Sorry, same deal. You don't get to ask others to pay for it. I want to go on vacation too. Maybe I will ask all my friends to give me $100 each so I can! What an asshole.
Posted by shivvvers on July 30, 2010 at 2:36 PM · Report this
98
J242 sorry but you sure sound like him. If you're not him then good, b/c H and J don't need to be reading all this crap and wasting their time with this. I have been to plenty of the parties at the house and have never been charged to get into any of them. That is why this is so horrifying. I also gather you are a VIP and that is also why this does not seem so rude to you, since you were not told to bring a bunch of $1's in order to drink/eat/play games. You were probably also not told that your spouse was not invited per say and that they will be charged $20 bucks to get in, even though you were invited. It's pretty common that when inviting someone to a wedding, it's you plus one. Not you and if you want to bring someone tell them to bring 20 bucks to get in.
Posted by bitch on July 30, 2010 at 2:38 PM · Report this
99
I also work in the creative industry and will be editing a friend's wedding video for free, there is no problem in that- I asked her if she wanted me to do it. While I'm sure you're exaggerating that people are "clamoring" to help out, that is not the point.
It's silly to think that you and your creative friends would have gotten upset if they had hired someone, you must not be very good at your craft if you think that you can sincerely focus on your work and have an awesome time during the whole party, or you've never worked a wedding before...

Anyway, the couple put this stupid request of photographs on their invite,another huge faux pas, insulting photographers who do care about the time they have at this wedding. I guess you and your friends who have agreed would rather work it than attend it.

Oh and the VIP thing!! Woah, that's sincerely messed up. Free food for people who are close to the B&G? While the other guests look in hungry, think about what your friends are doing, help them put an end to this madness instead of encouraging it!
Posted by whatastupidwedding on July 30, 2010 at 2:39 PM · Report this
100
Guests shouldn't have to contact the bride and groom for a +1. If the bride and groom don't know you have a +1(boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife), then you probably shouldn't be going in the first place. This would probably go so much smoother if they had just taken the people they sent VIP tickets and had a wedding with them.
Posted by ohboy on July 30, 2010 at 2:40 PM · Report this
101
also it's not my job nor the B&G friends job to pay for their trip to Burning Man, and to pay for them to buy over $1000 worth of drugs for that trip. I think if you want to spend a week at some event being fucked up on a variety of drugs you can pay for that shit yourself.
Posted by bitch on July 30, 2010 at 2:49 PM · Report this
102
@J242.. Your words are very well spoken and I'm sure backed by everyone attending the wedding, including myself. I must say though, the bride and groom have so many friends and reasons that will make this wedding amazing that this I-anonymous nonsense will not diminish the special day in the slightest. I suggest that we go about enjoying this beautiful day with the amazing friends we have. Lets let the rest of these angry, bitter people with far too much time on their hands, have this posting board to vent their petty frustrations. This is just silliness, in the grand scheme of things, none of this will matter.
Posted by TheBridesmaid on July 30, 2010 at 3:01 PM · Report this
103
@95, RE:

"only a complete asshole would charge a friend for helping them out when it doesn't cost them a dime to do so"

Please, fill us in--how do you operate your business with $0 in overhead?

Did $20,000 in camera gear fall out of the sky into your lap? Along with $10,000 in computer, monitor, storage and back up systems?

Where do you get office space for free?

Please tell me which company insures you and your equipment for free?

Also, who does your accounting for free?

The 12 (min) to 40 (average) hours spent shooting and editing for the greedy, douchey B&G are 12 to 40 hours not spent with paying clients.

How does any of this equal free?

It is clear that no amount of rational thinking will open your eyes to reality. So, on second thought, don't bother answering any of these questions.
Posted by joemomma on July 30, 2010 at 3:12 PM · Report this
104
RE: FREE WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHY

To anyone thinking of asking a friend to shoot your wedding for free, don't.

What you would be doing is asking your friend for a $5,000+ wedding gift. Which is just as tacky, selfish, greedy and crass, if not more so, than the actions of the B&G in this topic.

If you really want him/her to shoot your wedding, ask yourself-- why?

Is it to save money? If you answer yes, then you are a self-centered piece of shit.

Is it because you love his/her work? If yes, than discuss hiring them to shoot it for you. You never know, they may even offer to do it for free. And most likely will offer you a discount. But you should never expect it.

It's a shame this isn't common sense.

Posted by joemomma on July 30, 2010 at 3:22 PM · Report this
105
@Bitch: "J242 sorry but you sure sound like him. If you're not him then good, b/c H and J don't need to be reading all this crap and wasting their time with this. I have been to plenty of the parties at the house and have never been charged to get into any of them."

I am most definitely not him and if you had been to the most recent Halloween or Superbowl parties you would have most likely met me and remembered me from things I mentioned like having met my girlfriend in New Orleans while traveling with the groom... As for them not needing to read this, I would agree but it's way past too late for that. They've known for a little while and understandably aren't exactly jumping with joy over this...

"I also gather you are a VIP and that is also why this does not seem so rude to you, since you were not told to bring a bunch of $1's in order to drink/eat/play games."

Wouldn't have mattered to me one bit. I'm still planning on buying one of the infamous hot dogs I've heard so much about and paying for a drink or two like I would at any concert, "rave", fundraiser or other event that I would want to go to. The fact that this happens to be a wedding doesn't change my view of it at all. This is going to be a huge party and I'm accustomed to paying for food, beverage & misc fun that is outside of the "show"...
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 3:30 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 106
In a burner way, it's all making retarded sense. But, most burners know that there should be at least one paid photographer and videographer so that there is controlled, complete, coverage while the rest take photos at their leisure.

The VIP thing is still da suck.

And, as for the food cost and cover. If the B&G accept that the cover charge and the food cost is their present (as suggested by the invitation) and expect no more than a $20 check from every guest, then that's fine. Etiquette states that your present is supposed to cover the cost of your plate (plates if you are a +1) of food (at least, which is generally $40 a head), so this is far cheaper.

Making your wedding a festival is OK, as long as you don't expect the gifts that come with a wedding...and just want the cover charge as well as the food charge and the liquor charge.

Having a cash bar really sucks though.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 30, 2010 at 3:39 PM · Report this
107
@Joemomma:

"Please, fill us in--how do you operate your business with $0 in overhead?"

Very easily, it's on the side and I've paid off my equipment 5 fold since I bought it just a few short years ago.

"Did $20,000 in camera gear fall out of the sky into your lap? Along with $10,000 in computer, monitor, storage and back up systems?"

Nope, I bought equipment as the need for it arose and my professional gigs for bands, vegas casinos, real estate groups, tech companies and more have more than paid it off so it was only ever money out of pocket for at most a week.

"Where do you get office space for free?"

My home with a dedicated office section. I meet clients at their respective businesses, I would never expect them to come to me.

"Please tell me which company insures you and your equipment for free?"

Again, covered by how much I make, I'm not worried about it because for me to go out and shoot this event doesn't cost me a penny. I'll be there enjoying it, I'll just happen to be viewing a good portion of the night through the lens of my HDR.

"Also, who does your accounting for free?"

I do my own as it's not very difficult as long as you keep track of your expenses & income... Do you honestly think that everyone requires a CPA? I guess the ad firms that handle the tax prep groups have been really effective on you, it's really not hard and only takes me about 6 hours of prep before filing. Sheesh...

"The 12 (min) to 40 (average) hours spent shooting and editing for the greedy, douchey B&G are 12 to 40 hours not spent with paying clients."

I would be there regardless so your point is moot. Also, I work on two or three projects a month if that and I'm sorry but if it takes you or anyone you know 12 to 40 hours to edit down 6 hours of footage and a few hundred photos that's just pathetic. No wonder you expect it to cost so much, the people you deal with don't have a clue what they're doing! I can take a 5 cam rig and have a 45 minute live concert synched, chopped, timed, and the proper 5.1 mux tested & published within 2 days of importing the footage at 6 to 7 hours a day at the most. Before you try to suggest anything about potential quality or whatnot, my high-end clientele have no complaints, nor do their customers/fans/investors and you've probably seen my work and not even realized it. lol

"How does any of this equal free?"

If I want to give them this memory as a present and my coworkers are going to be there as well and also are all onboard to film this then it doesn't cost me even 1 penny to film this and with owning all of my own equipment it doesn't cost me 1 penny to capture, edit, master & produce either expect for the eventual printing/packaging costs which I'll be putting in as it's a gift for the B&G...
More...
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 3:45 PM · Report this
108
@TheBride'sMaid:

"I suggest that we go about enjoying this beautiful day with the amazing friends we have. Lets let the rest of these angry, bitter people with far too much time on their hands, have this posting board to vent their petty frustrations. This is just silliness, in the grand scheme of things, none of this will matter."

You're right, I'm done here. I've said my piece and haters will be haters no matter what is said or how much detail one gives explaining things. Thanks for the quick reality check so I can get back to planning things for this kick-ass upcoming wedding party! Still have to get the costumes wrapped up for my girlfriend and I! ;)
Posted by J242 on July 30, 2010 at 3:49 PM · Report this
SurlyYurmom 109
Jesus, the I, Anon forum has so many posts. I think because so many of us have been offended by, or forced to sit through bed weddings it provokes some spirited responses.

TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM: you guys have given plenty of free entertainment at your expense right here on this post and in I, Anonymous. For this, you get a pass. We WILL be watching and said pass will be revoked if this is your birth announcement. I wish you Love & Light for the rest of your time together.
Posted by SurlyYurmom on July 30, 2010 at 3:53 PM · Report this
110
Love that the defense of mentioning cash repeatedly on the invite and charging for food and drink and having a VIP area is: "no no, we're only charging STRANGERS 20 dollars at the door!"
Way to miss the point.
Posted by wont be going on July 30, 2010 at 3:58 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 111
@ j242, where is it written that you give up your seat on the bus for an elderly lady? Where is it written that you don't cut in front of someone in line? Where is it written that you should cover your mouth when you sneeze?

Rules don't have to be written to be real. That's why you're alone and the whole world is against you.

Don't worry about my friends. I didn't charge them to party at my wedding, so they're all cool with me.
Posted by Matt from Denver on July 30, 2010 at 4:18 PM · Report this
112
All I have to say is the article is right on. I am an invited VIP guest and am totally horrified by the way this has been presented. The bride has set up everything and the one thing the groom actually does is so tasteless my +1 and I are considering not attending (+1's get in free to VIP area according to the VIP ticket). It is pretty amazing that an invitation can be so off putting that we are now not wanting to go watch a friend get married. That is how obnoxious this whole thing is. Just amazing.
Posted by boredwithbadweddings on July 30, 2010 at 4:18 PM · Report this
113
When I first read this I was dumb-founded and offended, then I re-read it and realized the piece I had overlooked which made it all make sense and helped me understand how the fuck someone could pull this kind of tacky, borish, bawdy shit- "AND your fucking trip to Burning Man?"

Fucking burners
Posted by burnersarelame on July 30, 2010 at 4:20 PM · Report this
114
This reminds me of something my cousin back in Michigan had, but not the wedding, it was a bachelor party they called a stag party, people sold tickets for 20.00, they had a bunch of kegs and a mud bog! and your ticket was entered into a raffle drawing for a rifle, Then the money he made, a couple grand, paid for the honeymoon and the bar bill for the reception. My family out there you might call them ultra hicks, but it seems they have far more class than this group, to have a cover charge or expect people to pay for their food at a wedding reception. Seriously? they actually stated on the invite that they want people to help pay for a "trip" to burning man? No one would actually do that right? What has the world come to when someone actually asks on a wedding invitation to finance a trip to a rave??!?!
Posted by use_my_gift_to_buy_drugs_just_dont_comeoutandask on July 30, 2010 at 4:31 PM · Report this
115
I, too, got a VIP pass. I also recently got an email explaining that only strangers get charged the 20 dollars. I can't believe they don't understand the larger picture here. It's pretty disgusting. My plus one said "if we go it's not like we're supporting this or.....uh....right?" We just stared at eachother.
We're not going.
Posted by still not getting it on July 30, 2010 at 5:44 PM · Report this
116
@still not getting it: I hear ya, we have decided to go just b/c we have known them for so long and we would like to see them get married, but we are not giving a gift at this point and time.
Posted by boredwithbadweddings on July 30, 2010 at 6:05 PM · Report this
117
Wow! This sounds like an AWESOME wedding! It sounds like the b&g have gone to a lot of effort to make this a damn cool event, for themselves & for all of their friends & family. Wanting guests to help out with the food & drink costs? i really don't see what the big deal is. These are their FRIENDS, who obviously love & appreciate them & are happy to give back.
i'm not sure what universe most of you are living in; but in my world, friends help friends out. i don't know ANYONE who lives by societal norms, etiquette or expectations. We think & do for ourselves. And if my good, kind & generous friends wanted to have an amazing event like this to celebrate their union, not a single person that i know would balk at helping in any way. For me, in the past, that has meant gladly providing free photography, editing & prints for 2 weddings & 2 births. It's what friends DO!
It also sounds like this couple has a very large acquaintance base, hence the need to ask for a contribution from those not invited. And if anyone bothered to read the actual invitation posted here in the comments, what they said was that they did not want gifts, instead, they wanted money for the honeymoon & burning man. That IS the gift.
Again, fuck all this etiquette & "rules", shit. Some people don't care in the slightest about that crap. i say Congratulations to these 2 for planning such an amazing & unconventional experience for their day & for their friends enjoyment.Best of luck...And i hope that you make it to BM. Blessings!
Posted by theeinfinite on July 30, 2010 at 6:13 PM · Report this
118
I fucking KNEW someone was going to chime in with something like "it's unconventional! Think outside the box! Who needs etiquette!" in order to defend mentioning cash several times on an invitation and all the other clueless bullshit that is going on here.
It's possible to have a creative, modern, interesting wedding and not act like a rude douchebag. Don't act like it's radical or creative to blatantly hit people up for cash. It's stupid and embarrassing.
Posted by wont be going on July 30, 2010 at 6:39 PM · Report this
119
117,

It's also unconventional to ask the bride for a blowjob in the RSVP, but that doesn't make it ok.
Posted by joemomma on July 30, 2010 at 8:13 PM · Report this
growler 120
TO ALL YOU DEFENDERS OF THIS WEDDING:

GET A FUCKING GRIP. NOONE'S SAYING THE BRIDE AND GROOM ARE BAD PEOPLE, BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKES ADMIT THAT ASKING PEOPLE TO PAY FOR YOUR WEDDING AND HONEYMOON IS VERY FUCKING LAME. IT JUST IS. NOT SAYING YOU ARE LAME.

IF YOU DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE REACT THE WAY THEY DO TO YOUR WEDDING, THEN YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY DILUSIONAL AND ARE PROBABLY SOCIALLY RETARDED.
Posted by growler on July 30, 2010 at 8:49 PM · Report this
growler 121
and think about this for just a second....

your invite was so retarded that someone had to write in to a public paper to show off its unreal bullshit. AND invitees are commenting their own distaste and thinking about not going to your 'wedding'. think about that. step outside yourself for a second and think.

i'm just glad i don't know your self asses. seems you really don't mind using your friends to fund your trips to......burning man? are you fucking kidding me? get help.
Posted by growler on July 30, 2010 at 9:01 PM · Report this
122
If the bride and/or groom were people that you care about, none of this should bother you. I, for one have often wished I could've contributed somehow to a couple's wedding to make it possible for them to invite me so that I could share with them their special day, but since tradition has long held that the family pay for the guests, weddings have become smaller as people struggle in these hard times. You don't know the full story behind their decision. Perhaps the people who received tickets were people who were already helping to fund the wedding. And again, if these are people that you care about, wouldn't you want to make sure they have a gift from you that is needed and most appreciated? I don't see the difference between a mention of a registry or suggestion of cash. What difference does it make what they spend it on? But wouldn't you want them to have a nice honeymoon? It sounds like the bride and groom may have made a big mistake by inviting you and assuming that you are a person who cares about them. Since you quite obviously have no love for them, why wouldn't you just decline the invitation? It was meant for loved ones. I have to wonder why the bride and groom made such a terrible mistake in thinking that you are their friend. I hope they are soon made aware of your duplicity and drop you from any future guest lists. Your article said so much more about you than it did about the bride and groom.
Posted by lgrrrl on July 30, 2010 at 11:35 PM · Report this
123
Yeah, lgrrrl. It says he/she doesn't want stupid, selfish friends. Something tells me there wont be any "duplicity" to uncover (no one in their right mind would remain friends with these douches) and that he/she wont miss not being on future "guest lists." Boo fucking hoo. What a terrible loss.
Posted by waaah on July 31, 2010 at 12:02 AM · Report this
124
@117 - you are completely right!

And to the Bride and Groom, if your reading this, you need to re-evaluate some of your friends.
Posted by I'mVIPBitch on July 31, 2010 at 12:06 AM · Report this
Julie in Eugene 125
@117 - "what they said was that they did not want gifts, instead, they wanted money". Wait, what the fuck. Since when is money not a gift? How is this an argument? Asking for cash is just as tacky as asking for a gift, if not moreso.

Ergh. I don't get what is so freakin' hard about this. Asking for gifts/cash directly (i.e., on an invitation) is tacky. Full stop. Though there is the expectation that in most cases, a gift/money will be given, it is rude to assume that someone's going to do so. There are all kinds of ways to get around this (the most popular nowadays being a wedding website with travel & event information, that also as the couple's registry information listed on it).
Posted by Julie in Eugene on July 31, 2010 at 12:19 AM · Report this
126
check it out, 124 is proud of being on the "VIP" list. This is so fucking gross.....
Posted by sugartits on July 31, 2010 at 1:10 AM · Report this
127
I'm acting as a bridesmaid in a wedding next month that lots of people are outraged over. The venue is a cottage that's a 2 hour drive out of town, guests are expected to bring their own food and drinks and TENTS since there isn't enough room for everyone (150+ guests) to sleep in the cottage. The couple also had a "stag and doe" (a pre-wedding fundraiser where people pay to play games and buy drinks) a couple of months ago.

So yeah, a lot of friends think their idea for a wedding is extremely tacky. I personally don't think your wedding should ask as much of people as they are asking of their guests. That being said, if you don't want to go to the wedding, you don't have to go. I don't see the point in being morally outraged. The couple didn't actually DO anything to anyone, other than send out invitations to a wedding that people can either choose to attend or not.
Posted by Amanda on July 31, 2010 at 3:18 AM · Report this
robwolf 128
I think the big mistake the bride and groom made here was calling their 'event' a wedding. If you are going a non-traditional route, take a lesson from the fags and lesbos and call it something else. That way you can avoid all of the emotional/historical baggage and expectations that come with the words 'marriage' and 'wedding' - and you can strike out and do your own thing.

That said, I agree with the posters who toss away wedding invitations for cash bar weddings, gift required engagement parties, or stag parties that require a major cash outlay. If someone is having a 'traditional' marriage then the booze needs to come as part of the package.

In my twenties I went to every crappy wedding, stag party and engagement party I was invited to out of some sense of social obligation, even though cash was very tight for me at the time. It has pretty much turned me against the institution of marriage in a big way. Not only was I expected to travel long distances and buy gifts for all of these weddings, most of these couples never bothered to return the favour when my partner and I formalised our domestic partnership a few years later. I was often seated out in Siberia, with the third-cousins and work colleagues of the bride and groom, and was usually at the last table for the buffet that was intentionally under-stocked to save cash. Then, on top of it, I have to pay more for a glass of bad wine than I would in a bar. In defence of some of the posters, so many of us have had so many experiences like this, how can we not get annoyed to receive an invitation to a 'wedding' like this.

Seriously - if you are having a 'wedding' then treat your guests right, or scale it back or don't do it at all. This sounds more like a 'celebration' or 'kick ass party that happens to relate to our marriage' or whatever - perhaps you should have called it that. That said, it sounds like it might be a fun party. Good luck putting it together.
More...
Posted by robwolf on July 31, 2010 at 9:13 AM · Report this
Canadian Nurse 129
I'm hoping that everyone who's commented here knows about the
follow up Slog post. Some stranger writers are going to be writing up the wedding for a Party Crasher column!

This will be amazing. Prepare to be amazed.
Posted by Canadian Nurse on July 31, 2010 at 11:23 AM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 130
@127 You're wrong in that the couple DID do something to every one of their non-VIP attendees: they made sure they knew they were not part of the inner circle. What's more, is most couples are hurt, or pass judgement on people, if you don't make it to the wedding.

Your friends are amazingly greedy. Really. Having a pre-wedding fundraiser AND a BYOEverything, including lodging, destination wedding where they also expect presents. Unless they are the poorest friends in your circle, I'd be rightously pissed at their arrogance.

But, that's just me.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 31, 2010 at 11:58 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 131
@ 127, what @ 130 said.

Here's a clue to people like you and j242. When you go through life, every now and then you piss people off. So how do you know whether you're really being an asshole?

Well, if only one or two people are mad, then it's probably their problem. But when LOTS and LOTS of people are pissed at your actions, that's a very good sign that you're the asshole, even if you have a few people sticking up for you.
Posted by Matt from Denver on July 31, 2010 at 1:46 PM · Report this
132
@130

Pre-wedding fundraisers (or stag and does) are actually really common where I grew up -- most people have them. My husband and I didn't have one when we got married because we didn't feel like we needed one.

Also, when I said the couple really didn't do anything to anyone, I was talking about the couple whose wedding I'm attending. But you could argue that when you ask certain friends to stand up as your attendants in a typical wedding, you're inviting them to be part of an "inner circle" that all your other friends are excluded from. Most people don't feel that way though because they're so used to that tradition.

@131 I don't think the couple I'm talking about knows that lots of people are pissed off at them because nobody has confronted them. The people choosing not to come to the wedding have just bit their tongues and made excuses, but remained friendly toward them.
Posted by Amanda on July 31, 2010 at 2:26 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 133
@132 Where you grew up, do people have both fundraisers AND BYOEverything weddings?

Also, that people are just biting their tongues while being pissed shows how honest and good your friends are.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on July 31, 2010 at 3:02 PM · Report this
134
As someone who knows the Bride (and Groom) personally and will be attending the wedding, all of you speculating on what kind of person she is when you don't fucking know her, you people and your disgusting disrespectful bullshit are what I find tacky. It's not your fucking wedding. Yes it is a party, a party in which $20 was "humbly requested" (as it says on the fucking invitation), not required IF YOU HAVE AN INVITATION! It also says that they DO NOT HAVE A WEDDING REGISTRY and do not want gifts, you fucking tools. So no it wont be "Did you put your $20 in the wedding box?" It will be a heartfelt thank you, as that's just the kind of person she is.

And yes she is very cool with having people that she doesn't know at her reception, because she's used to her friends bringing everyone and their brother to her parties, eating all of their food, drinking all of their booze, sleeping on their couches, never staying to help clean up, etc. Also, this is going to be at a public venue. So if some random person comes to the door and wants to hear the music, play the games, see the entertainment, eat the food and imbibe the alcohol that the B&G spent a lot of time and energy organizing so their friends and family can have a good time, yes they pay $20. But they still get to be a part of it.

As for the VIP room, there are several dozen people invited to this wedding, so to have a special area for the B&G's family, close friends, and the rest of the wedding party is not tacky to me at all, as I've been to several "traditional" weddings in which the wedding party has a closed off room, just for them. Paying for food and games I don't mind because those profits DONT GO TO THE B&G. They go to the people they are hiring to run the games and food vendors.

I'm sure I'll just be blasted as another ass-kissing just-as-tacky wedding guest. Go ahead. I'm still going to see two people who mean the world to me committing themselves to each other. And I'm going to pay my $20 and then some, because this couple has done more for complete strangers than Anonymous would be likely to do for them. Obviously.

Anon, if you were really that upset with everything, from the font to the REQUESTED $20, then you should have just called the B&G. Then all of this bullshit would not have happened, and you wouldn't be labeled as a coward and wedding-ruining bitch. Seriously, if you feel that you can't call people who consider you close enough to invite you to their wedding, then you probably should not have been invited in the first place. If you don't like the ideas of the wedding to the point that you're going to anonymously bitch to a local newspaper, how do you have the nerve to call them tacky? And did you really think it would be that hard to figure out who you are? Go fuck yourself, you fucking cunt.
More...
Posted by shadowblind on July 31, 2010 at 6:15 PM · Report this
135
I love Burning Man weekend. It's when all the douche bags leave San Francisco. Ahh... it's nice to have The City back once in a while.
Posted by City Dweller on July 31, 2010 at 7:19 PM · Report this
136
Whatever you think about this wedding, if Anon submitted this to The Stranger knowing that people involved in this wedding might read it, s/he's a real jerk.
Posted by SunGirl on July 31, 2010 at 8:46 PM · Report this
137
aaand the tide is turning. Britney is making her comeback, bitches!
Posted by cherry on July 31, 2010 at 8:55 PM · Report this
138
This has gotten crazy. Now I hear that the bride invited The Stranger to the wedding? By the end of the Party Crasher column, I fully expect to be the cartoon villain. It will be my turn, and that's fine.

I hope you all have a great time. But I regret nothing. If my identity was revealed, I still wouldn't regret this. (I need to trim the fat from my facebook friend list anyway. No one actually has hundreds of friends. Not on facebook, and not to invite to their wedding either.) One lady is claiming to know who I am but also seems to think I'm a chick. Because, you know, fags are never catty. Just ask Dan Savage. Anyway, don't worry, there isn't a douchebag in your midst. This douchebag keeps to his side of town.

Maybe I'd feel bad if I was real-life friends with these people. Maybe I would have just called them and said, wtf, you're making enormous asses of yourselves. But I can't remember when we last spoke. I don't even have their phone number. I'd have to find my invitation in order to remember their last names. Shit, I don't even know why they invited me. I'm clearly an asshole. Another reason not to invite everyone you know to your wedding, I guess.
Posted by wtfked on July 31, 2010 at 9:29 PM · Report this
139
By the way, I'm just jealous.
Posted by wtfked on July 31, 2010 at 9:30 PM · Report this
140
@ 133

Nope, where I grew up, most couples don't have BYOeverything weddings. For this wedding, however, the bride and groom also specifically asked people not to bring any gifts, which also hasn't been the case with most weddings I've been to.

And my friends would be better people if they confronted the couple and bitched them out about how tacky they think the wedding is? Easier said than done, as "Anon" has shown us.
Posted by Amanda on July 31, 2010 at 10:29 PM · Report this
141
Wow, everyone here needs to get a life. Who fucking cares what these people want to do for their wedding? It's their special day and they should do whatever they fucking want with it. If you don't like it then don't go and mind your fucking business. I know the groom, not well but have met him several times and he is a really nice and down to earth guy. I wasn't sure if I was going to go to their wedding because I'm not a close friend, but now I want to just to give them the love and support they (and all couples) deserve on their wedding day. And I'll gladly contribute to their honeymoon fund and I'll have a great fucking time at a great fucking party with some great freaky shit I haven't seen in a long time. PS My husband, who is generally concerned with proper etiquette says "Fuck you you fuckity fuck fuck fucking idiot fucks!" to all of you who are flapping your gums about people you don't even know.
Posted by Tothefuckerstryingtoruinanicecouplescelebration on August 1, 2010 at 12:23 AM · Report this
142
WOW. There certainly are a lot of you in the "There is only one correct way to do a wedding" camp. I would be really interested to see exactly how cool/lame this thing/party/wedding is going to be. I hear people throwing random opinions about how this thing will suck, the B&G are selfish, etc, but you're all basing that on your simplistic personal experience of the "correct" way to have a wedding.

I find the comments of "guests don't want to pay for your circus" to be especially funny. Such certainty that the rest of the city and world only want what you want. I'm visualizing a white person, at a star*ucks, in Bothell, proudly proclaiming that "Nobody wants to pay money to hear that crappy rap music"

I'm all for breaking the rules and making a different wedding, different music, different corporate norms, different whatever.

I raise my glass to these people who I bet are gonna provide an amazing experience for people who, I'm guessing, really want to be part of a festival/party/circus.

Rock on, and throw another Wild party for your 20th anniversary. Whoever you are, I bet those first 20 years of marriage are going to be a lot more interesting than those experienced by your "weddings by the book" critics.
Posted by Mr. Kevin on August 1, 2010 at 1:19 AM · Report this
143
@wtfkd

Okay so let me get this straight. You obviously don't really know them, and even though they were nice enough to send you an invite to their special day, a request for 20 bucks that you are not required to give if you don't want to is pissing you off? You know, maybe it was a mistake to invite you if you're really going to act this shitty towards them.

Oh dear, you'd have to read a name on an invitation. How taxing to read their names and find a way to contact them to let them know you have an issue with something they are doing. Again, obviously you don't know them very well if a fucking email is too much for you.

And for the record, I consider the terms "bitch" and "cunt" gender non-specific when one has acted in such a bitchy cunt-like manner.

I really don't give a damn if you're jealous or not. You have some serious issues with yourself if you feel the need to shit all over a day that many people have put/are putting a hell of a lot of effort into because you couldn't read an invitation properly or contact someone who considered you enough of a friend to be there for their nuptials. I don't care how tacky you think they or their wedding ideas are, you obviously did not get the whole picture, nor did you even try. Therefore you're not just a fucking moron, but because you posted this in a local paper, knowing that the Bride and Groom, not to mention all of the guests, might read it makes you just plain hateful, cruel, overdramatic, and undeserving of having them in your life. Really, I mean, at least have some tact if not some fucking grey matter.
Posted by shadowblind on August 1, 2010 at 9:00 AM · Report this
144
@ 141, the only reason they invited you and dozens like you is to pad the list: as an extra in their movie, and an incentive to the vendors. Plus, that invitation means you're probably going to give more than $20.

I bet the freakshow's worth it.
Posted by hoho on August 1, 2010 at 10:17 AM · Report this
JunieGirl 145
My sister had some kick-ass stuff she was going to do at her wedding, but when she realized she couldn't afford it, she dropped it from the plans, rather than ask guests to foot the cost, because "guests" implies that you're being provided for. "Customers" are the ones who pay.

I'm so glad I don't have young friends. It's so much more pleasant to deal with people who understand social norms.

I don't care how "kick ass" and "generous" the bride and groom have been before--if this one-of-a-kind event is what they want to do for their wedding, then they should hold off for a few years while they save up the money to do it.

And if all of you vociferous supporters think they're so damned wonderful, why don't you just give them the money up front so they don't have to charge everyone?

One of you supporters said that the bride was "fine" with having people crash at her place after parties and then have them leave without cleaning up. Those people aren't friends--why would you invite them to a wedding? I guess that's really the key here--the bride & groom have "friends" who use them, so they feel free to use their friends in return. I'm glad I'm too old for this type of "friendship" to be the norm in my social circles.

It's rude in every civilized society to ask people to pay to attend your private party. It is not a commercial event, it is a private one. Asking for money makes it a fund raiser, not a celebration, no matter how "kick ass" and "awesome" it's going to be.

They may be very nice people and generous in other ways and at other times, but they are clueless in this case. If you can't afford to host it, then you can't truly consider it a party.
Posted by JunieGirl on August 1, 2010 at 10:18 AM · Report this
146
Shame on you, Seattle. Planning a wedding is difficult enough without your entire city cruelly passing judgement on you. Some peole aren't interested in tradition. If this couple wants to wed their own way, and if that means they need to ask for help to do so from their guests, then that's their perogative. Are we all so closed-minded that we can't accept that? Seems many people here feel like a wedding should be a day of free food and booze. Who says it has to be that way? Nobody who is invited is required to go, nor to pay. It's a free country and people should be allowed to get married the way they want to, without having to hear the backwards, closed-minded opinions of folks they may or may not have met. I'm all for free speech, but this is just terribly cruel and unnecessary. I wish all the best to the bride and groom, and I hope their wedding day will be one of the best of their lives. And to those who are going to their wedding, I truly hope you plan to do so with love and support.
Posted by LTPB on August 1, 2010 at 11:25 AM · Report this
147
Shame on Seattle? I don't think so! This wedding is tacky and clearly violates societal norms and basic etiquette. What I don't get is the defensive stance of the bride and groom and their defenders...if you are all unique snowflakes marching to your own beat why do you care when society ridicules you for violating its norms? If you don't care about social norms then why care about social criticism?

Posted by penguin on August 1, 2010 at 3:37 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 148
this shit here ..ummmm ...fascinates me..
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on August 1, 2010 at 4:11 PM · Report this
149
@ penguin:

The bride and groom didn't ask for the opinions of the readers of this column. Some asshole just decided to ridicule them in public for their personal choices. It is that person who is tacky and lacking in social graces to be trying to ruin their wedding day.

And by the way, here are some awesome "societal norms":
Illegal gay marriage
Racism
Gender discrimination
Circumcision
Talking incessantly on one's cell phone
I could go on and on.

And as for "proper etiquette" tell me, do you hold your fork in your left hand and use your knife for everything from steak to salad? Do you never put your elbows on the table? Do you never invite a friend out for drinks and then split the bill?

Get over it. Why is it so hard to live and let live?
Posted by LTPB on August 1, 2010 at 4:35 PM · Report this
150
@LTPB It is not a basic civil right to be able to ask for money at a wedding without ridicule so let us not go there.

Yes, Miss Manners frowns upon correcting people in public but she would also frown on such an invitation as was issued here.

As for etiquette rules, yes I have been known to break them but I don't cry unfair when I get called on it. I can wear booty shorts and a bikini top to a funeral if I wanted to but I'd better expect to get some commentary.
Posted by penguin on August 1, 2010 at 4:56 PM · Report this
151
I thought the purpose of a wedding was to invite friends and family to celebrate your special day. That being the case, why would you deliberately plan an event that seems especially designed to drive people away?

I quote: "Secondly, this is a large scale event, not some shitty little boring ceremony where you are all waiting to be able to start drinking once the wedding is over and the party begins. There is live music, fire jugglers, flame swallowers, acrobats, circus freaks, and a lot more. This is an event not unlike Jim Rose's sideshow and there just happens to be a wedding smack dab in the middle of it as far as any guests (who aren't the bride & groom's close friends) are concerned."

Lots of weddings have live music, but the rest of it? And vendors all over the place trying to sell you stuff? I'm all for thinking outside the box and being nontraditional but how about being nontraditional in ways that are actually inviting to people? How can you make your friends feel like they are sharing a special occasion with you when you put on a freak show and let in random people who pay an entry fee? Yes you have the right to do anything you want for your wedding but you also have to realize that guests have the right to decline your invitation. Do you want strangers to celebrate with you or friends? Obviously you have at least one friend who is likely not going to attend because you don't know the difference between a wedding and a highly commercialized freak show.

I know if someone invited me to something like this, I'd have to decline. Just thinking about a train wreck of an event like that gives me a headache. (And btw, not everyone even LIKES circuses!)
Posted by Diagoras on August 1, 2010 at 6:33 PM · Report this
152
@ Diagoras

Really? Because a vast majority of the wedding guests have since the publication of the IA been sending a massive outpouring of support, love, and great excitement of the coming festivities, including their families. Hell the circus/carnival/freakshow aspect is what guests are so excited to see, as it's not a normal wedding reception. And those that have the sense to call if they are confused don't mind giving a small cash gift to people they care about.

These invitations have been out for almost two months. Anon had plenty of time to air this shit out, and to choose three weeks before the wedding is bullshit. Even worse this person is getting their panties all in a bunch over an event they were invited to by people they claim to barely know. So why not just not say anything and skip it instead of acting like an asshole?

@penguin

It's not your wedding. So how about you leave your snarky comments about "proper wedding etiquette" at the door. You don't know what the actual ceremony is actually going to be like, you don't know these people. As stated earlier most of the invited guests are still planning on going. They've known about the requested cash gift for a while now, and I don't hear any of them bitching or moaning behind a local paper. I'm sad to hear that others are changing their RSVPs this late in the game based on a rant that took everything about this wedding and the invitations out of context by someone who was invited despite their clear vindictiveness and lack of courtesy towards the bride and groom. All of this is a huge misunderstanding that could have easily been cleared up had someone had the testicles to just ask a freaking question.
Posted by shadowblind on August 1, 2010 at 7:24 PM · Report this
153
The B&G are two of the fakest mother fuckers I've ever met. They've fried their brains and its painfully obvious. This is the dumbest fuckin wedding ever. The extravagance is purely to stroke their own egos. They want nothing more than to be the king and queen of their group of 'friends'.

And I'm pretty sure they're both gay.
Posted by +1hater on August 1, 2010 at 11:05 PM · Report this
154
BEST.
I ANON.
EVER.

(How can I have been the first to say this?)
Posted by Best. Ever. on August 2, 2010 at 1:58 AM · Report this
155
Does a +1 have to pay $20 to attend this, or not, hmmm.…

Whether the b&g intended it or not, the answer is technically YES for anyone who received an invitation addressed solely to himself/herself. The clear, commonplace, and sensible solution, if +1s were meant to be invited for the same “free admission” as the friends themselves, would’ve been for each one-person invitation to have been addressed:

Mr./Ms. [name] and Guest
123 Shady Tree Lane
Etcetera, WA 98123

That’s how couples addressed their invitations to me when I didn’t have a +1, and I really appreciated it.

BTW: “and Guest” can sometimes be used to avoid awkwardness if you don’t know if your invitee is still in a relationship, or if you can’t remember the name of the +1 or how to spell the +1’s name.

Posted by Pretty simple on August 2, 2010 at 3:59 AM · Report this
156
Why do all the comments here keep blaming this fiasco solely on the bride? Did it ever occur to anyone that the groom, at the very least by his participation in the event, was a collaborator in all this tackiness? Everyone seems to have gone straight to a misogynistic "bridezilla" mentality, failing to remember that a wedding involves a COUPLE.
Posted by hhhmph on August 2, 2010 at 9:25 AM · Report this
157
This is not a wedding, it is a commercial festival to which anyone with a spare $20 is admitted. The ceremony is merely the hook to guarantee minimum attendance.

Had the happy couple wished for a blowout AND a honeymoon AND a free trip to Burning Man, they could have saved, held honestly for-profit raves or sold lemonade on the sidewalk. Milking family and friends to cover their exorbitant luxuries in the guise of helping them celebrate their special day displays both enormous self-centeredness and a depressing lack of creativity. They can't be very artistic, alternative types if their best idea for paying for a wedding is calling any member of the public who pays at the door a close enough associate to be invited to their wedding ceremony.

Performers of all sorts have gotten married for centuries; they do not get a free pass from the rules that others keep merely because they like to live large. Etiquette exists to protect the feelings of others by establishing social norms and expectations. There needs to be a good reason to break such conventions, or at least an understanding that the results will not be pretty and a willingness to brave the resulting shitstorm. The fact that they clearly did not expect such negative reaction only reinforces the impression they give as completely oblivious narcissists.

I would regard the invitation to this party with the same eye I would cast on a flyer to any other cash-based event. If I want to spend money I could use to fund my own art projects on attending a 1990s-era San Francisco circus, I will go and drop a twenty in the box. Otherwise, I will wait for an invitation from the next happy couple of my acquaintance who treats me like a valued friend and not a profit center.
Posted by editrix on August 2, 2010 at 9:26 AM · Report this
158
Penguin hit it on the head.

I think so many people are aghast because they have or know people who have taken time to remember etiquette for what is supposed to be a momentous occasion in two peoples' lives. For the most part a lot of old etiquette and american traditions are dead, but weddings are the one time when people look to Miss Manners for advice, open up a book on what the proper way to do things are and decide for themselves what they will and will not include.

The B&G have every right to say "to hell with etiquette" (which they VERY CLEARLY did) but should not expect for it to fly over without some criticism. Considering how many bad etiquette decisions they made, (VIP, lack of caring to find out who someone's guest is, guests paying for food, guests paying for drink, guests paying for games)I'm shocked that they are surprised to be receiving this type of backlash. This IA had to be written to say what others were not. People pussy-foot and talk behind everyone's back for every detail of a wedding, I commend the IA writer for telling it like it is. And come on, this was not taken out of context, scroll up and take a look at the actual invite's wording (#80)I would have been offended to receive this.
It seems that they invited a lot of people who barely know them, that was their mistake again, this whole thing could have been avoided if they had invited their close friends instead of the whole world. I can't wait to see what the stranger staff has to say about this shit show of a wedding.
Posted by try checking with emily post on August 2, 2010 at 9:44 AM · Report this
long-time reader 159
Sounds like a couple of selfish, egotistical, megalomaniacal assholes. So they deserve each other, but I give this marriage a shelf life of about six months.

My wedding was at the courthouse, with only immediate family and a couple of friends present. And it was still a huge event, inasmuch as it was a public statement of our lifelong commitment to each other.

If I ever do feel the need to throw a massive party, I'll pay for it myself. These people are confusing the roles of "couple in love" and "event promoters". If I lived in Seattle, I would seriously try to find this ridiculous event just so I could projectile vomit on the bride and groom just before they could say "I do (want all my friends' money)"

Love: UR DOING IT WRONG.
Posted by long-time reader on August 2, 2010 at 10:21 AM · Report this
kerfuffle 160
After reading the invitation, if I knew and loved this couple I would have no problem plunking down a $20 donation instead of a gift to go to a kickass party and be witness to a fun wedding. I mean, if they were my friends and had gone to all the effort to plan something spectacular, why not support them? I think it's a better show of love to throw them a few bones for their honeymoon than to get them a wok or a toaster. This clearly is not your traditional wedding, so I think it's a-okay that they are not playing by "the rules." If you don't agree, and it offends your delicates sensibilities, then don't go. I'm sure the couple and the guests who understand the intent behind the event will have a kickass time whether you're there or not.
Posted by kerfuffle on August 2, 2010 at 12:57 PM · Report this
161
Proverbs 10:13 - If you have good sense, it will show when you speak. But if you are stupid, you will be beaten with a stick.
Posted by thewhiterabbit1 on August 2, 2010 at 3:22 PM · Report this
162
The bride and groom are repulsive and Burning Man is dumb. If you are into Burning Man you are a shit-for-brains.
Posted by Brown rose on August 2, 2010 at 8:24 PM · Report this
yucca flower 163
Your wedding is an "event"? I was under the impression than an "event", such as a concert, a play, or carnival, was a production in which patrons paid for entertainment. Isn't a wedding (and the reception) supposed to be a celebration of the couple's future together? I know that in recent years the trend for weddings has leaned toward putting on a huge, elaborate drama with the bride as the star of the show, but this is ridiculous. You aren't having a wedding, you're having an event you're charging people for? This is the nadir of bad taste. Congratulations, Bride-and-Groom-zilla, you have achieved the depths of tastelessness. Really, truly you have.
Posted by yucca flower on August 2, 2010 at 8:59 PM · Report this
164
This can't be a Burner wedding. Money does not exist on the playa, and Burning Man is a GIFTING economy.

This sounds like evil Fox propaganda. LOL!
Posted by Dubhbairn on August 2, 2010 at 11:54 PM · Report this
165
Wow @ 152. It's not a misunderstanding, it's a transparent and sad little joke. And an appropriately placed anonymous rant about it. And seriously, your having to bitch about the timing thereof, of all things, just shows up the weakness of your argument. At least one guest who's known about the requested cash gift for a while now is calling it as they see it: a blatant and crass use of near-strangers.

The awesomeness of the freak show is irrelevant to the question of whether the wedding ceremony should be part of one. Apparently the answer is YES. The obvious reason to invite all and sundry is to get warm bodies and funds, and it bit the couple in the ass, here. So what? Have fun and take pictures, m'kay?
Posted by hee hee on August 3, 2010 at 1:17 AM · Report this
166
Oh, for fuck's sake. Get over yourselves and just burn an Anonymous Man in effigy, capitalist piglets.
Posted by bleah on August 3, 2010 at 2:05 AM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 167
..people keep asking me if my marriage to my husband is legal. and i'm still saying 'no'.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on August 3, 2010 at 9:12 AM · Report this
168
Man, what a fucked-up wedding that must've been. I now pronounce you event manager and scalper!
Posted by a friend on August 3, 2010 at 9:13 AM · Report this
169
To all those horrified by the sheer tasteless gall of the bridal couple: From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
Reading the comments, it's easy to see that the shocked among us are from a very broad spectrum of places, traditions and current cultural affiliations and I am absolutely delighted to see that the basic concepts of hospitality span all these diverse perspectives.
The barbarians may be at the gate but at least some of us are not prepared to invite them in... even if they will pay a $20 cover charge.
Posted by LeBeau59741 on August 3, 2010 at 10:38 AM · Report this
170
Shadowblind, you just contradicted yourself. You told me: "Really? Because a vast majority of the wedding guests have since the publication of the IA been sending a massive outpouring of support, love, and great excitement of the coming festivities, including their families."

And then in the same post you went on to tell Penguin that some people are changing their RSVPs because of a "misunderstanding" that could have been cleared up if people had just asked about it. But the couple getting married is responsible for effectively communicating information in the wedding invitation. If people need to ask questions to avoid confusion, then you failed to communicate properly in your wedding invitations.

Most likely people replied to the RSVP initially out of obligation, but now that the date is drawing nearer they realize that they don't really want to attend a highly commercialized freak show. And there's no guarantee that people who RSVP will show up. And even if they show up, with the huge crowd and noise and stressful carnival atmosphere, I doubt most people over the age of 16 will want to stay very long. Why not plan something that people can actually enjoy instead of something guaranteed to induce a headache? Does any adult really like circuses? Isn't that only something we feel obligated to take the kids to in order to say we've done it?
Posted by Diagoras on August 3, 2010 at 12:23 PM · Report this
171
Burning man sounds kinda cool.

That said, every single person I have met that identifies themselves as a "burner" is, without fail, such a child-like narcissist that it's mind-boggling.

Posted by Doot http://serbia-sucks.blogspot.com on August 3, 2010 at 12:40 PM · Report this
172
Burning Man is amazing, but most of the people who are preoccupied with nothing but Burning Man are predictably, well, Burnouts.

As for that variety of navel-gazing wedding narcissism, it's far from exclusive to the Burnout community. I've witnessed just as much arrogant exploitations amongst squares. But there is something about the festival-going scene that makes it seem ethically unproblematic to perpetrate this kind of chicanery on friends and family.
Posted by DannyA on August 3, 2010 at 1:19 PM · Report this
samanthaf63 173
Here here!

Sick and tired of these Bridezilla/Groomzilla/Momzilla types who simply don't understand: their most important day is NOT the world's most important day and should adjust accordingly.
Posted by samanthaf63 on August 3, 2010 at 1:30 PM · Report this
174
They will soon be raffling off the right to name their first-born child. Those who buy the most tickets will be able to watch the baby actually get squeezed out live and up close, and photos will be sold in the waiting area at $20 a pop. Show your support, buy the "True Friend" package and save!
Posted by DF on August 3, 2010 at 2:12 PM · Report this
175
I don't care one way or the other about the bride, the groom, their friends, their enemies, or their frenemies. However, if I have to hear, read, interpret in American Sign Language, or have communicated to me by any other means the words "THE/THEIR SPECIAL DAY", I will make a vow to spend the rest of my life hunting down the people who use this phrase and washing their mealy little mouths out with soap. I've found that the people who use this term feel that it's a bride's right to be a fairy princess on her wedding day, no expense should be spared to make her feel like the afore-mentioned fairy princess, and any amount of bad behavior should be tolerated in pursuit of a state of princess-ness. Because, you know, it's her SPECIAL FUCKING DAY! Wedding ceremonies are nothing more than two people dressing up in ridiculous costumes and reciting a legal agreement framed in Hallmarkese to each other in front of everyone they know. Please let the cult of the SPECIAL DAY end soon!
Posted by ohthehorror on August 3, 2010 at 5:41 PM · Report this
176
OH MY ILLITERATE FUCKING GOD. Can you people not tell by now??? Have you no reading comprehension skills? Burners have different social standards and ideals than the rest of you. This couple's friends (minus one douchey person who was such a good "friend" they wrote I-Anon instead of the couple) are happy to pay for a giant entertainment event at which said couple plans to marry.

No, this is not how weddings normally are. This is not a normal wedding. This is not a normal couple. THERE'S NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT THIS. So what? SO WHAT?!?! GET OVER IT!
Posted by heatherly on August 4, 2010 at 3:25 AM · Report this
177
make sure if you are going to do something "different" in good ol liberal Seattle you follow the strict guidelines of how to be different.

Dont piss off the hipster troll community! Do your own thing, but only if it follows the rules.
Posted by like screaming at a wall on August 4, 2010 at 7:39 AM · Report this
178
In the words of the wise philosopher Patsy Stone: "It's not a rave, it's a happening."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBRYXn-1k…
Posted by amusedtonoend on August 4, 2010 at 9:59 AM · Report this
179
In the words of the great philosopher Patsy Stone: "It's not a rave; it's a happening."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBRYXn-1k…
Posted by amusedtonoend on August 4, 2010 at 10:02 AM · Report this
180
Sorry for repeating myself-- stupid iphone.
Posted by amusedtonoend on August 4, 2010 at 10:05 AM · Report this
181
heatherly, did you not see the bride's letter to the editor? Watch who you're calling illiterate.

I know a lot of burners, though I've never been to Burning Man. It's my understanding that you don't bring cash. Cash has no value on the playa. So, yes, they have different social standards and ideals. And those standards and ideals have NOTHING to do with cash. None of the burners I know would ever dream of asking their friends for cash for any reason. What I do see are people offering help and accepting help where needed - to build an art car, to sew desert-worthy apparel, just pitching in and supporting noble efforts. Every burner I know would be sickened by something like *this* posing as a way to bring the burning man experience to someone who hasn't experienced it. Just all around fail.
Posted by burn on August 4, 2010 at 10:33 AM · Report this
182
@181: Since I am a burner I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit on "the burners you know" being disgusted by a large scale entertainment event funded by the participants. Where people happen to get married. Like, oh say...Burning Man? Weddings happen there every year, and often involve people's families making the long hard trek down there for the wedding. Tickets to Burning Man range from $200-$400. It's not a "humbly requested donation",either, it's a fixed price.

Do you have any idea how much money we spend to get ourselves to and throw an event like Burning Man every year? Burning Man is a HUGE cash generating machine!!! We're talking millions and millions of dollars here, pal. There's a reason why half the participants are between the ages of 31-40.

Seriously, you don't understand the nature of this event because it's taken *completely* out of context here. You aren't qualified to be a judge of these people or their situation, but what's staggering is that you (and so many others, apparently) feel the need to judge in the first place.

Get a life?

Posted by heatherly on August 4, 2010 at 12:40 PM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 183
@shadowblind, j242, et al...

I'd just like to point out that the shit-storm created by the original IA was multiplied by the bride's letter & your continuing posts to defend her/them/the wedding. If you feel that the wedding, b/g are being attacked, well, it's because you feel that way & chose not to take the high road. A strong, un-conventional community can withstand the attacks of others if it believes in itself & its goals. If you feel the need to reach out to strangers to justify yourself, I begin to doubt your own belief in yourself & your friends. I think that public perception is far more important to you than supporting your friends.

I mean, please-- The SLOG is _not_ "all of Seattle," no matter how much it wishes it were!

If you truly believe that the wedding is going to a glorious celebration of love, community, joy, togetherness, support, blah blah blah, then no snarky IA's could ever change that. Unless, of course, you value the perception of strangers far more than you value your own. Which seems to be the case, judging from your many defensive posts, thereby adding lots of fresh energy to the shit-storm.

Also, if the bride has hosted *lots* of parties where the guests walk all over her, then the problem rests w/ the bride. Fool me once & all that.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on August 4, 2010 at 1:48 PM · Report this
184
To Some Old Nobody, I haven't posted in quite a while but I simply have to pop in and respond to this:

"If you feel the need to reach out to strangers to justify yourself, I begin to doubt your own belief in yourself & your friends. I think that public perception is far more important to you than supporting your friends. "

No, what's important to me is that a bunch of anonymous haters are verbally shitting all over an event that you have nothing but ignorant assumptions about. This is an important event to all directly involved in it (Obviously I anon is not involved seeing as the B&G have been discussing this with their friends & families and actively planning it for a year now so no detail should come as any surprise and there shouldn't be any confusion on the guest list concept) and all of our large group of friends who are more than happy to give $20 to help our friends have a great honeymoon & burn. See, rather than give some tacky kitchen appliance or whatnot, in our circle we prefer experiences. For a variety of events from birthdays to holidays, we give each other great experiences like traveling, hosting a party, going out camping, etc, etc, etc. It's far more meaningful than some tangible item that anyone can get for themselves at any time. That's how we do things, if that's not your thing, that's fine. We're not coming out trashing you for buying shitty gifts for people on events now are we? Of course not, you can celebrate events however you want and so can the B&G...

You and the other haters can continue hating all you like, I certainly can't change any of your minds, nor am I going to try to as your your self-righteous "holier than thou" opinions are so thick nothing would get through even if we were to try.

To sum it all up, you have no right whatsoever to be offended or even speak about the event being held by complete strangers which you are not even invited to in the first place. You and the rest of the haters are basically doing nothing more than spewing inane and hateful rhetoric at complete strangers and for what? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Does it make you feel witty or clever to bash on a loving couple's event which over a hundred people are eagerly anticipating and are more than happy with the way it's set up? Well good for you...

" Unless, of course, you value the perception of strangers far more than you value your own. Which seems to be the case, judging from your many defensive posts, thereby adding lots of fresh energy to the shit-storm."

Again, the last time I posted was when? 5 days ago? So sorry that I take offense to douchebags slamming good friends of mine and their attempt to have a great time with their friends and family. Let us know when you try to do something so we can all come out and completely bash everything you do and see how you like it. Basically I'm just calling you and the rest of the bad-mouthers out for what you are, a bunch of classless pricks who have nothing better to do than to try and demean others based on one jerks opinion of an event. Oh, but then you try to justify it by saying it's US, the B&G's friends who are causing all of the problems. Wow, that's laughable considering the negativity was spewing well before myself or anyone else I know came on here in the first place.

Get a hobby or something and stop wasting everyone's time talking shit about people you don't even know throwing an event that you aren't even invited to. Seriously, do realize how pathetic you and your ilk are? You're almost as bad as the fucking $cientologists...
More...
Posted by J242 on August 4, 2010 at 6:41 PM · Report this
185
I was wondering when that J242 guy was going get back into it, he's hilarious and so easy to get wound up.... best to the married couple btw, with however they wish to celebrate their wedding vows.
Posted by bagel on August 4, 2010 at 8:48 PM · Report this
186
@ 183: "If you feel the need to reach out to strangers to justify yourself, I begin to doubt your own belief in yourself & your friends. I think that public perception is far more important to you than supporting your friends. "

The irony of posting this in your own "reaching out to strangers" comment is lost on you?
Posted by heatherly on August 4, 2010 at 9:13 PM · Report this
187
@ All: This whole thing is now about as lame as discussing what happens to contestants on "reality shows" like they're close friends.

Holy fuck, how meaningless.
Posted by Jared Bascomb on August 4, 2010 at 9:42 PM · Report this
188
I dont think they are being unreasonable. Nontraditional yes, but not unreasonable. They are only asking for $20. You cant buy decent gift with that money anyway. What's the big deal?
Posted by exbride on August 4, 2010 at 10:40 PM · Report this
189
You know, bride and groom and vigilant friends, seriously why do you care? None of us know you from Adam's housecat. We're not going to your wedding, we'll never meet you, and if you all had just bitched to each other about how could one of your guests, guess what? We'd all have long since forgotten about you. Instead, you can't STAND the thought of someone thinking negatively about you, your wedding, your lifestyle. Kind of ironic, given that you lead a lifestyle that purports to "not care" what other people think. You seem to care a whole hell of a lot what other people whom you've never met think about what you're doing, which is ironic given your etiquette gaffs. I'm not even going to lecture you on manners, because it's obvious you don't have any.

And no, letting other people walk all over you does not allow you to be an asshole at a later date. You let people take advantage of you, and it obviously bothered you, but you didn't set limits then. But you decided that you were "owed" for your wedding. Classy. No one is owed a huge wedding reception. People elope... people have potlucks and are fine with it. You are no better than the princess brides that demand Vera Wang, French service and signature cocktails. Actually, you're probably more of an asshole than Betheny Frankel, despite how alternative and entertaining your event may be.

You could have never commented at all, and guess what? Your event would have still happened, and the people willing to put up with your bullshit would have lined up at the door.

Just seems to me given how unconventional this wedding is, the people involved have awfully thin skins. One (or more) of your guests thinks the thing is in bad taste, and suddenly the whole thing is ruined. Jesus.... good luck with parenting, or getting a job, or doing anything where you might get critical feedback or interact with other human beings. Maybe you've been able to surround yourself with syncophants, but that ain't generally how the rest of us roll. And like someone said, ain't like they can bring anything directly to you... look how you react.
More...
Posted by MinnySota on August 5, 2010 at 10:15 AM · Report this
190
What's funnier than anything else is that said "freakshow" wedding is now, more or less, a public event.

Oh, didn't mention that yet, did they? If you were paying attention to large scale places in the Seattle area to hold events where such an industrial-style event might be able to take place, It happens to be right smack in the middle of a Magnificent Park...and in a week's time.

For $20, you too can go to this Saturday Evening affair with Midgets and Freaks and Wedding. Because at this point, this whole event is little more than a dinner and show. Oh, and did I mention the cheap bottom-shelf liquor that will be served by a coterie of people well-versed in pouring short?

And to the persons chanting and ranting about how much Burners have different social ideals than the rest of society: eat a giant bag of infected pusmonkey dicks. I'm a Burner and I consider the ten principles to be common sense rules of human living, not some set of behavioral superiority guidelines.

Seriously, people, those who are out there chanting, "Burners are sooooo evolved!" are usually the ones who are excusing the fact that they went off, humped fifteen different people in a silver dome and got a cold sore or ten.

I am an eight-year Burner, and every time some douchewad trots out "Burners do it better than you do, we're so spiritually and environmentally and emotionally and creatively different from X, Y, and Z" I want to shove their sanctimoniously pretentious faces into their own dust-filled asses.

Burners are everywhere, and THIS Burner is having a wedding too. But he's marrying a Burner who wants a quiet, family and friends wedding that we're paying for. We're asking for the gift of presence of our family and friends to share a celebration. We have photographers we're paying very well to take pictures of us and our wedding.

We're feeding people. We're getting a cake. And *gasp* we also will be having Burners perform at the wedding.

And here's the other shock - we're not charging ANYONE. I know, crazy, right?

So to the people who are chanting, "Burner weddings are TOTALLY DIFFERENT" - seriously. Get the fuck over yourselves. Take all the behaviors you've seen in this thread and in the event itself and put it to the "traditional" wedding setup, and you see selfish people with a very greedy self-involved, tacky wedding.

I already made a bet that the parties involved are going to be divorced in a few months - probably AFTER they get back from Burning Man and the groom gets caught humping the leg of a transvestite from New York by the trash fence.

Being a Burner does not give you a license to act like a douchewad.
More...
Posted by malachi on August 5, 2010 at 10:35 AM · Report this
191
Oh, one other thing? I'd go pay $20 to act like an entitled douchewad at a wedding that the hosts were stupid enough to pass to the public realm.

I'm just shocked nobody leaked the deets to the SLOG yet.
Posted by malachi on August 5, 2010 at 10:39 AM · Report this
192
I met a crowd of 'Burning Man' types once and came away thinking, "Where are those nerve gas throwing Japanese doomsday cultists when we need them?"

As for this wedding, I think the appropriate response would be to tell the B&G, to their faces, how hideously tasteless, crass, low-class and offensive their arrangements are.

People in their state generally do not take hints well, or at all. More direct communication is called for.

That, or the nerve gas..
Posted by GeorgeFromNY on August 5, 2010 at 11:00 AM · Report this
193
To Malachi: May you and your intended share long years, great joy and small troubles and may your wedding NOT be the "happiest day of your life" but the first of many.
Posted by LeBeau59741 on August 5, 2010 at 11:34 AM · Report this
194
...before they could say "I do (want all my friends' money)

LTR, that's the best line in this entire thread. Well done. :)
Posted by GeorgeFromNY on August 5, 2010 at 11:34 AM · Report this
195
Sorry, one more...

"And no, letting other people walk all over you
does not allow you to be an asshole at a later date. You let people take advantage of you, and it obviously bothered you, but you didn't set limits then. But you decided that you were "owed" for your wedding. Classy."

Minny, your entire post was a +5 Mace of Truth, but that's the key part right there.

I'd say we're looking at what happens when people fail to observe (or even have) a sense of personal and social boundaries. They don't, or can't, say "No" to others or even to themselves.
Posted by GeorgeFromNY on August 5, 2010 at 11:54 AM · Report this
Lissa 196
(Posted this on the slog thread as well)
I've been following this kerfuffle for some time now on both threads, and as a Burner must weigh in. No one objects to the theme of their wedding or the type or variety of the entertainment provided, or will, one imagines object to the undoubtedly unique self written vows they will exchange. I certainly take no issue with their culture or lifestyle, because remember, I too have seen the Man burn more than once and, as corny as it may sound, it changed my life. What is objectionable is asking people to pay for the privilege of attending a private event. And it doesn't matter if the people asked don't mind. That's not the point. The point is asking for money, or gifts for that matter, from your guests is appalling. It is crass. It is insulting. Doubly so by virtue of the VIP tent, the inhabitants of which are the only true guests at this wedding. Every one else is a customer.
Posted by Lissa on August 5, 2010 at 1:19 PM · Report this
197
How different is this from having a "destination wedding" somewhere exotic where many relatives (whom the wedding couple is close with and spend time with ordinarily) can't afford to go? I was in a resort-wedding recently (so I had to go, although I almost backed-out at the last minute) where the bride's family owned a house, but everyone else had to pay for resort-priced rooms and food. And the festivities lasted for a week.

Maybe it's just me, but I though it was pretty obnoxious and insensitive to force the poor friends and relative to fork over a large chunk of change to see someone they love tie the knot, just because the bride's family is loaded.
Posted by still pissed on August 5, 2010 at 5:59 PM · Report this
198
To #197- It's not different and the "Destination Wedding" is among the most selfish things a couple can plan when they know that the resources of the people who care about them are not without limit.
The exception is when the bridal couple and the assorted family and friends are far flung- Then it becomes reasonable to plan a wedding in a location more or less central to everyone or which features great flight and room packages (Vegas, Reno and Orlando, to name a few)but to plan a lavish "event" in an exotic locale is to try to have your cake and eat it, too (literally) by taking the best aspects of eloping while still demanding the pomp and fuss of the more traditional arrangement.
Posted by LeBeau59741 on August 5, 2010 at 7:34 PM · Report this
199
What is she going to do when she get's knocked up? I wonder...Oh wait she can't because she has problems with her uterus. Do you even know the bride? And yeah you have to pay $20 if you are a guest of a guest, and weren't originally on the guest list. Meaning they don't know who you are. Oh and anonymous, no one said you had to come.
Posted by Bawstin_Sean on August 5, 2010 at 10:30 PM · Report this
200
I find it funny that IA was outraged by the pay-your-way mentality, but 'let slide' the B&G's request that friends and family provide them with cash for a trip to Burningman...
The most valuable gift one could give to the B&G would be a lesson titled 'How to earn and save YOUR OWN money like a real adult.' It seems that they are well practiced in the mooching arts.
Posted by da_alpinist on August 6, 2010 at 12:05 AM · Report this
201
J242 says:

"To sum it all up, you have no right whatsoever to be offended or even speak about the event being held by complete strangers"

Alright, so talking and opinions are no longer allowed. Kinda idiotic as far as rules go, but at least J242's belief system is internally consistent, right?

[two paragraphs later]
"I take offense to douchebags slamming good friends of mine"

Doh!
Posted by hotdogs on August 6, 2010 at 12:40 AM · Report this
202
I agree with the person who said this was the best IA ever. This whole thread plus the SLOG comments just used up about 2 hours of my time. Time well spent, methinks.
I'm excited to read the Party Crasher story..God,it's going to be great!!
Posted by aeros66 on August 6, 2010 at 2:36 AM · Report this
203
A word about Destination Weddings:

A "loaded" family wanting one of these should pony up for the travel expenses for relatives and close friends... or call the whole thing off and have a normal wedding.

If you're rich (bored, vain, pompous) enough to want your darling daughter married on Easter Island or some goddamned place and you have the wherewithal to actually make it happen, you're certainly in a position to spring for some airplane tickets.
Posted by GeorgeFromNY on August 6, 2010 at 1:04 PM · Report this
attitude devant 204
Yeah 201, it's also rich that he describes other weddings as "some shitty little boring ceremony."

Ya know, J242, people don't go to a wedding primarily because the entertainment's awesome. They go to support people they genuinely care about who are making a commitment to each other.
Posted by attitude devant on August 6, 2010 at 5:40 PM · Report this
205
J242 and Phantomburned ... Dudes, you better talk to your lawyer. Based on #80 (the invitation), I think you are going to need a permit for this festival if you are charging admission. And a temporary liquor license.

It would really be a downer for the police to bust up your party as an illegal party because you are selling alcohol without a license, you are charging mandatory admission, and are allowing non-invited guests (i.e., the public) to attend.

Leave the commercial ventures to the professionals ... just have a private party.
Posted by Krunch on August 6, 2010 at 7:04 PM · Report this
206
Posting this here as well as in the update comments:

When I was in 5th grade I called a friend of mine by a racial slur while we were having a fight about something. Someone told the teacher, and I got into very very deep trouble. It was a humiliating and horrible experience, and I cried. A lot. It's one of my worst memories, one I couldn't think rationally about for around 10 years.

You know what? It was also really good for me.

Perhaps in 10 years the bride will look back and think, "well, this is one of my worst memories, but it was good for me. I would NEVER think of treating my guests this way now."

Okay, assuming that this can be a moment of epifany:
If you are hosting a party--any party-- that means that those you invite are the guests. This arrangement means, by definition, that you will be paying for all the costs of the party, whatever they may be. Your guests may repay your generosity by bringing you a nice gift, or by inviting you to a party they are paying for, but they never, ever help you pay for the party you are throwing. Any party. If there is any other arrangement, it is not one of host and guest.

Also: if your professional photographer friends wish to photograph your wedding due to their undying love of you, they are perfectly capable of thinking it up all on their own and contacting you to let you know. Then it will be their idea, their choice, and their lovely gesture, instead of your awful entitled demand.

Oh, and to both the bride and #159, no one with any manners requests presents from anyone other than Santa. Presents are freely given, or not. You seem to be confused by the concept of a wedding registry, which is there to let people know, IF they CHOOSE to get a present, what might be most appreciated.

See, 'cause if a wedding guest chooses not to get a present for the couple, that reflects on the guest's manners. But if a couple requests presents, thereby taking away the guest's choice in the matter, it reflects on the manners of the couple.
We can't control the manners of others. Only our own.

In this case, we can control whether we request presents (don't), whether we encourage people other than those we have invited to come to our party (don't), whether we slap those people with a $20 cover charge (don't, but since we're not inviting the uninvited it's moot), whether we charge our guests for food and drink (don't), whether we ask our friends to work for free (don't), and whether we have a VIP area at our party (holy christ, please don't).

We cannot control, then, if our guests get us presents, or if they bring along a cast of thousands, but, you see, if our guests are rude, then we know what to do next time: leave them off the invitation list.
More...
Posted by Bon on August 6, 2010 at 7:07 PM · Report this
207
I also see you are having a big raffle at 11:30, presumably the old marketing trip to keep people around to make the vendors happy (do people have to be present to win their prize?). Sorry, you might need a raffle license if the "big prizes" are of any value.

Or maybe you've got all the above covered ... good luck! There's a reason that private parties are essentially unregulated and that commercial shows are regulated. It has to do with something called the "social contract".

Thanks, BTW, for hours of amusement.
Posted by Krunch on August 6, 2010 at 7:40 PM · Report this
208
Without commenting (yet) on the tackiness/awesomeness of this couple's wedding plans, I wanted to say something to all the people who have said that it's ALWAYS tacky to mention gifts (or donations-for-gifts) to your guests, whether in the invitations or otherwise.

Firstly to me, a non-American, this sounds so bizarre, because to the rest of world America is the culture where it's considered totally acceptable and normal to set up a wedding registry FOR SPECIFIC, PRE-SELECTED GIFTS AT A SPECIFIC STORE. To most non-Americans this is mortifyingly disgusting and greedy. (Although it is starting to catch on in some other Western cultures. Ugh.)

On the other hand, I really liked what my aunt & uncle did when they got married - with the invitation came a little card that said "Bride's Name & Groom's Name have made a list of presents they would really appreciate, please talk to Bride's Name's sister for ideas." And then a contact number. Instead of listing things like "Le Creuset 28" Green Dutch Oven" or "Kitchenaid Red Stand-Mixer", it was stuff like "good quality feather doona", "set of nice wine glasses", and "hammock". So they wouldn't get a huge pile of stuff that they didn't need, but the guests still picked out the things themselves, meaning the gifts had a personal touch, and there was no pre-fixed price tag on gifts. I just thought this was a really polite and lovely, but practical, way of letting guests know what the couple would actually appreciate.
Posted by RoseX on August 7, 2010 at 8:43 AM · Report this
209
OK, now to comment. When I was halfway through these comments I thought "man, I bet the bride has a blog. She's either totally self-indulgent and blogs about how spiritually, ethically & socially superior she is, being a Burner and all, OR she is actually really interesting and her blog posts will shed light on this huge seething mess." But, errr.... then I read her LttE. Maybe she was just really hopped up? Nah. If you know how to string 3 words together in the first place, no amount of drugs will make you that illiterate. The letter also answers all my questions about how someone could put so little thought into the wording of their own wedding invitation. Irrespective of whether she realises how tasteless the whole concept is, it was poor form and lazy to not make it clear that spouses of invitees would not have to pay.

I am actually going to try to be fair to the couple and their motivations.... One of my initial thoughts about why this whole 'event' sounded like a self-indulgent exercise in forcing it down everyone's throats that the B&G are so unconventional and openminded, was something said by a commenter in the last wedding-y I Anon. Someone said "The ceremony is for the couple, the reception is for their friends & family". And nobody has brought up the fact that presumably this couple has FAMILY, not just 100+ friends who fortunately all are just as into this carnival idea as the B&G. Like they say, you can't pick your family. It's likely that not every family member would be as rapt about a 6-hour 'freakshow', nor would all of the friends, unless this couple only deign to make friends with people into the exact same scene as they are (which'd be pretty hateful in itself). But you know, whatever. Maybe they DO only mix with fellow Burners/would-be Burners, and maybe they figure if a family member isn't into it they don't deserve to be taken into consideration anyway. But I don't know the family, so hey.

Now to J242's argument that this couple has been generous in the past, let people pass out on their couch, paid for huge parties, etc etc. The couple themselves may not see that as justification, but you do, so I'll speak to you. Past generosity does not mean that it is now not rude to host a party at which your 'guests' are required to pay for their own food & drinks. It may be a reason why the couple cannot fulfill their "go big or go home" desires without relying on other people's money for a large part of the celebration. It may be a reason that many of the 'guests' were not offended by the pay-your-way concept. But it does not actually JUSTIFY it.

I also believe that, no matter how desperately you want your dream wedding, if you can't afford to pay for it, and your close friends and/or family haven't offered to cover what you can't, it's just crass to turn it into a commercial event by making people pay for the things that are meant to be free when you get invited to a private party. Yes, this even goes for when you believe your wedding to be some sort of social service for those who haven't been to BM. It's still your wedding. If you want dozens (or in this case seemingly hundreds) of people to congregate for the sake of celebrating YOUR unending devotion and commitment, then it's a bit nasty to ask for their money for the event itself.

BUT at the same time I can kind of understand that this couple really do just want to throw a massive festival-party for a gazillion people who may be friends & family or may just be casual acquaintances... Which just happens to be centred on their wedding. So in a way the pay-for-food thing is a little bit understandable. In the framework of a festival. But you know what, why not just organise a Burning Man-like thing and leave the wedding out of it? Because clearly, as one of the invitees pointed out in the comments, a good deal of those invited don't seem to actually know the couple on anything but an extremely casual basis. That's the point that I keep sticking on whenever I try to think of this in a sympathetic way. If you don't really know some/a lot of the 'guests', why make it a festival-wedding? Just have a wedding with those who matter, then if you're so desperate for the festival, have it, charge for it, and you won't have to "deal with the attacks"! Easy peasy!
More...
Posted by RoseX on August 7, 2010 at 9:33 AM · Report this
210
By the way, to the people attacking those who are pointing out the crassness of this whole thing by trying to belittle and insult on the basis of evolved-ness/free-thinkiness/whatever...

Etiquette is basically systematising certain generally-accepted ways to be polite to other people. Yes, there are lots of etiquette rules that can be silly (this fork for that food), but in general the ones that are not silly are the ones that relate to being polite to others. And 'being polite' is really just another way of saying 'being kind to others & considerate about their feelings when you don't know them very well and/or cannot totally accurately judge their feelings.' OK? Surely the ethos of being decent to other people fits in with your whole "We won't be stifled by your hate and ordinariness, we exist on another plane" schtick. Right? And it's just not very kind to assume that everyone you know and their dog will want to witness your marriage so much that they will be happy to attend an event catered to particular tastes, and pay for it too. Sure, most of them might, but it's unkind to assume that they all will, and that those who aren't don't deserve to be at your wedding anyway.
Posted by RoseX on August 7, 2010 at 9:51 AM · Report this
More, I Say! 211
@Riz, agree! cannot. stop. reading. this. thread. !!!
Posted by More, I Say! on August 7, 2010 at 11:09 AM · Report this
long-time reader 212
@184, "you have no right whatsoever to be offended or even speak"

Alright, then.

Permission to speak on the subject of you and your friends being offensive, self-righteous assholes?

ZOMG, you really do exist on a different plain: "Plainly delusional"

@194: Thanks! I do what I can.
Posted by long-time reader on August 7, 2010 at 11:19 AM · Report this
213
@208
There are Americans who know that it is tacky to put the wedding registry information on the invitation; that it should only be mentioned if a guest asks about it, but it's so common that most of us just do our best to remember that our friends aren't aware that putting a wedding registry on an invitation screams "come to my wedding and bring me something! something I have selected for you!"

This wedding invitation, however, is so beyond ordinary unintended rudeness that it's like the Goofus version of a wedding invitation.
Posted by unregisteredatwork on August 7, 2010 at 1:02 PM · Report this
214
I think it's tacky to ask the bridesmaids to pay for their own (ugly, matching) dresses. I can't even imagine asking guests to pay to attend.
Posted by HarmonyAk on August 8, 2010 at 6:31 AM · Report this
215
Okay, I had my own epiphany about this nonsense last night. It just so happens that I work on a casual basis for a catering company of a high end caterer in the Twin Cities. We were setting up all the usual nonsense, and it dawned on me. The bridal party's catering situation is nonsense. There is no way in hell my company would agree to such a thing without a "guarantee." Let's put it this way... they got to schlep out to some venue, bring all your shit, including food, staff, cleaning supplies, ect and HOPE that the guests are in a buying mood, bringing enough staff to serve everyone expediently but few enough to turn a profit? Umm.... no. What guarantee do they have that the guests are going to buy a certain amount? No way. Yes, food at weddings costs money, but any sane businessperson would demand either a) a set menu, prepaid before the event (or due upon the start of the event) or b) a "guarantee," or an amount that gets paid in the event sales do not meet a minimum. I'm guessing the B&G have been assessed the latter and are trying to pass it off on their guests.

We've done vendor style things in the past (not for weddings). Note I said PAST. The ONLY time they will do vendor stuff is for HUGE, publicly attended stuff, like college football games, Basilica Block Party, and other things guaranteed to bring people out in the thousands who are willing and able to buy concessions or the ability to sell liquor next to a venue (ahem, U of M) that doesn't allow it and it's known to be a good business plan, and they are SURE they are going to MAKE MONEY. I guarandamntee that if some couple called up today and said "I want you to come out and sell from your menu out of a vendor cart," they wouldn't say no, but you can be damned sure they'd put a pretty hefty UP FRONT price tag on it to even show up. If they sold enough, they'd give it back... otherwise, too bad.

I can't imagine that any other businesses would see this as anything other than a huge risk, and would charge accordingly. So, I'm guessing the B&G ARE paying more up front for food than if they'd just picked a menu (and kids, you could have picked cotton candy and corn dogs, if that's what you wanted) and provided it for the guests. Restaurants are hard enough to run, and they have to guarantee they're gonna git paid. Ain't no guarantee by just showing up at this kind of wedding with a cart, particularly when many of the guests might not buy anything because they were supposed to get a free meal. And yes, it says on the invitation, but tell me SOMEONE isn't going to show up and leave in a huff because well, people expect, at the very least to be fed for free at a wedding. Cash bars are becoming more acceptable, but a free meal is the minimum. Not to mention the guests who, like other smart carnival-goers, eat a meal beforehand and only snack at the ceremony. Seriously, when's the last time YOU bought a full on meal at a fair? I don't know about you, but I don't typically go hungry because it would cost a fortune. Especially if you brought a date.

I'm just saying from a business standpoint, it doesn't make any sense unless the vendors got a guarantee.
More...
Posted by MinnySota on August 8, 2010 at 2:10 PM · Report this
216
Bottom line: you either have guests or customers. Not both.
Posted by acescott on August 9, 2010 at 12:02 PM · Report this
217
@198: Agreed. I know at least one couple whose respective halves are from opposite sides of the country, so deciding on a COAST, much less a venue, is already fraught with risk and drama. In any case, SOMEBODY'S family will have to schlep themselves a far, far distance.

In those cases, I think many couples understand the problems and take pains to stress that nobody is obligated to attend, while trying to keep costs down for the closest family and friends.

@214: Ditto. I figure: (1) You pay for the awful dresses yourself, (2) pick a dress budget that *easily* accommodates everyone, or (3) my favourite, just ask bridesmaids to colour-co-ordinate or something similarly simple. I always found the "identical bridesmaids" kind of creepy anyway.
Posted by Gloria on August 9, 2010 at 12:37 PM · Report this
218
"To sum it all up, you have no right whatsoever to be offended or even speak about the event being held by complete strangers which you are not even invited to in the first place."
-J242

WRONG! We are ALL INVITED, as this is a PUBLIC EVENT!!!! A burning man theme camp is running the bar as a fundraising stragegy! They are hoping for as many people as they can get to come, which means YOU GENTLE READER, YES YOU! You are invited! (Just not to the VIP area.)
Posted by TheloniousPunk on August 9, 2010 at 1:53 PM · Report this
219
Aah, the eternal question -- What's Love Got To Do With It?
Call me old fashioned (and BTW Ihave no problem with cash as a gift -- newlyweds are often broke and short on space) but isn't the heartwarming fuzziness of sharing your commitment to true love with all your nearest and dearest enough of a thrill? Do you really need fire jugglers, flame swallowers, acrobats, circus freaks, aerialists, burlesque dancers, and contortionists to make it worth your friends' while to come?
I hate to think what this couple's sex life will become, in their endless quest for MORE.
Posted by danfan on August 9, 2010 at 11:09 PM · Report this
220
To get so bent outta shape guys. This is the last hurrah for these idiots to prove they are 'different' and 'special'. Pretty soon the bride will shit out a couple of kids and get fat and the groom will be driving a minivan and they will move to the suburbs and remember the old days. Then their kids will fuck off to college and hardly ever come home because their parents are losers and they will go to thier own stupid festivals and think that makes them special too. It's the cycle of life.
Lay off and enjoy watching it.
Posted by LazyBum on August 12, 2010 at 11:37 AM · Report this
221
@219

"Do you really need fire jugglers, flame swallowers, acrobats, circus freaks, aerialists, burlesque dancers, and contortionists to make it worth your friends' while to come?"

Apparently you do if you're a rude, egotistical, pretentious, hipster douche.
Posted by my mama taught me manners on August 12, 2010 at 1:25 PM · Report this
222
J242, This :

See, rather than give some tacky kitchen appliance or whatnot, in our circle we prefer experiences. For a variety of events from birthdays to holidays, we give each other great experiences like traveling, hosting a party, going out camping, etc, etc, etc. It's far more meaningful than some tangible item that anyone can get for themselves at any time. That's how we do things, if that's not your thing, that's fine. We're not coming out trashing you for buying shitty gifts for people on events now are we? Of course not, you can celebrate events however you want and so can the B&G...

has got to be one of the most pretentious, self indulgent pieces of BS I have read online and that is REALLY saying a lot.
And excuse me, you obviously ARE trashing people for the "shitty gifts' you think they are giving. How is repeatedly referring to them as "shitty" and "boring" not trashing them?
Posted by Don't like circuses-who does? on August 12, 2010 at 2:19 PM · Report this
223
Let me add... the comments defending this couple as "unconventional" and "not playing by the rules" are so tragically predictable. The fact that this wedding and invitation are non traditional and "unconventional" are NOT what is wrong with this. Instead of trying to either conform to or flaunt what is considered conventional etiquette, why not just think about treating people well?
Some of this couple's defenders OBVIOUSLY look down on people they think are more "traditional" and "conventional" than they are, and who do things like have church weddings or give blenders as gifts.
Being "unconventional" does NOT make you more creative or interesting. This juvenalia is ridiculous.
and notice, I am not passing judgement on the wedding itself...only your attitude towards others.
Posted by I hate circues-who doesn't? on August 12, 2010 at 2:31 PM · Report this
224
So... did this wedding thing happen yet? I'm looking forward to the review.
Posted by Fizz on August 12, 2010 at 3:13 PM · Report this
225
The only time it's acceptable to mention money in a wedding invitation is to state that the bride and groom would prefer their guests make a donation to a specific charity in lieu of a gift.
Posted by mtiffany71 on August 15, 2010 at 1:25 PM · Report this
226
@223,

Bravo. Well said.
Posted by GeorgeFromNY on August 16, 2010 at 12:02 PM · Report this
227
Just as a little aside:

I went to a very non-conventional wedding which involved many Burners (including the B&G and the wedding party).

They designed their own ceremony and did it on a small budget.

And it was GORGEOUS. No one had to pay a dime unless they wanted a cocktail that wasn't on the hosted list.

They kept the guest list small so they could afford it, had many of their friends perform, paying for their expenses, but many of the performers were happy to do it for free, as their gift.

It was a spectacle with aerial acts, hula hoopers, and fabulous dance numbers, terrific photography, and amazing djs- and they did it to celebrate their relationship with their community.

They asked for gifts of a "pay it forward" variety, asking only for guests to post to a website where they donated or how they paid the love forward.

My point? Burners can have "spectacle" and "non-conventional" weddings without being assholes. They can design an event that celebrates the love of their community, and the love of the B&G without charging admission.

Posted by Revelry on August 16, 2010 at 1:01 PM · Report this
228
I had a very unconventional wedding, and have attended several outdoor, carnival, burlesque, festival, or otherwise different weddings. I have seen bridesmaids in pasties and slip'n'slides at receptions and everything in between.

Never, ever, once, would anyone I know DARE to ask their guests to pay for food, or tell some friends that they're entitled to participate more than others because they're more important.

This isn't a critique because someone is doing something different, it's saying that charging admission (implicitly or explicitly), charging for food, and giving a "suggested donation" isn't just tacky, it's outright offensive.

Yes, when my friends invite me to their wedding, I spend a decent amount on a gift, but once I was invited to a baby shower where they said they ONLY wanted gifts off their list, each of which started at $50, and I didn't get them anything. If they hadn't said anything, I would likely have spent more than $50 on gift, but the arrogant presumption and DEMAND that I spend my money how they want is so offensive it's sick. I didn't even attend the event, and don't speak with them anymore.

I don't care if you're spending half a million dollars to rent U2 and providing caviar served on naked supermodels, you STILL don't get to charge admission for your wedding, and to think it's ok shows just how out of touch you you really are with reality.
Posted by flotiste on August 16, 2010 at 1:27 PM · Report this
229
"I don't care if you're spending half a million dollars to rent U2 and providing caviar served on naked supermodels, you STILL don't get to charge admission for your wedding, and to think it's ok shows just how out of touch you you really are with reality. "

That might be my favorite comment in the entire, remarkably long IA!
Posted by LeBeau59741 on August 19, 2010 at 8:05 AM · Report this
230
The wedding was amazing, btw. I have never seen a happier group of people in my life.
Posted by Bawstin_Sean on August 19, 2010 at 3:32 PM · Report this
231
Lemme guess @230, the people in the VIP?
Posted by Mockingbird on August 19, 2010 at 8:07 PM · Report this
232
I fucked the bride and that cost me twenty five dollars. It would have been thirty dollars before the wedding so I waited and saved a fiver.
Posted by Fuck Off Seattle on September 4, 2010 at 11:56 AM · Report this
233
Where is the follow-up? I've been checking this damn thing for almost two months now and there has been no follow-up.
Posted by Concerned Citizen on September 19, 2010 at 9:10 AM · Report this
234
Follow-up: http://lineout.thestranger.com/lineout/a…
Posted by moroser on October 5, 2010 at 2:19 AM · Report this
235
Can you repost the follow-up link? I'm dead curious as well, and the link got cut off!!
Posted by no name #21 on October 11, 2010 at 8:41 PM · Report this

Add a comment

Most Commented in Columns