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I am engaged to my best friend. I haven't had a doubt about our love, friendship, sex life, common interests, life goals, shared dreams, or ambitions in all the years we've been together. And I still have no doubts.
I met you at work and introduced you to my fiancé and my circle of friends, and you were received with unexpected warmth. We have such easy conversations, and I really enjoy your friendship. Everyone loves you, and there's something budding between you and my closest friend. You're a good man and a good friend.
Stranger Personals
Now I look forward to seeing you all of the time. I see her every day, and it's only natural that you're always around. I rooted for the two of you happily, until it became apparent that it would be more than a hookup situation. Now I feel a tinge of jealousy when the two of you hang out alone. I know that if I were a single gal, you and I would be what you and her are.
Sometimes I wish things were different; I know we could be good together. But I hate myself for ever wishing I was with anyone other than my fiancé. He is absolutely the perfect man for me, but what if it's really you? 
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1
what a bunch of wishy washy bullshit...your "best friend" that you're engaged to doesn't deserve you.
3
I had to read this five times - slowly - before I finally figured out how "I," "fiancé," "you," "she," all fit together. I'm still not sure I have it right.
And even if I do have it right, I'm still baffled.
And even if I do have it right, I'm still baffled.
4
Yes, there is always going to be someone out there who catches your fancy. Love is, in many ways, a choice. We choose who becomes our soulmate, based on how much effort we are willing to put into the relationship. Grow the fuck up and make up your mind.
7
I can't follow this no matter how hard I try. wtf? Are the 'best friend' and the 'closest friend' different people or the same person? Neither seems to make sense.
8
Hmmmm... I'm thinking some kind of diagram is called for here, since I can't quite figure out who you're referring to for any given pronoun.
9
Her fiance is her best friend, some chick is her closest friend, and the person she's talking about is some hot guy she wants to bang that is now in a relationship with her closest lady friend.
There are many Mr Rights, Anonymous. But the one for u will be the one you decide to be happy with. You could sabotage any potential relationship with this new guy too, if u thought "what if my ex fiance was the one".
There are many Mr Rights, Anonymous. But the one for u will be the one you decide to be happy with. You could sabotage any potential relationship with this new guy too, if u thought "what if my ex fiance was the one".
10
Ok, I think I've got it:
I anon is a woman who is engaged to a man (who is also her besty).
New guy (subject of this column) has been introduced to I anon's friends, and has hooked up with one of I anon's female friends.
It's getting serious between the new guy and I anon's female friend, and now I anon is getting jealous, cause she (I anon), is attracted to the new guy.
Jealousy happens sweetheart. The problem with nice groups of friends is that sometimes you like some of your friends really a lot. And if you've been repressing your non-monogamous tendencies, they might only show themselves when that person gets together with someone else.
I anon is a woman who is engaged to a man (who is also her besty).
New guy (subject of this column) has been introduced to I anon's friends, and has hooked up with one of I anon's female friends.
It's getting serious between the new guy and I anon's female friend, and now I anon is getting jealous, cause she (I anon), is attracted to the new guy.
Jealousy happens sweetheart. The problem with nice groups of friends is that sometimes you like some of your friends really a lot. And if you've been repressing your non-monogamous tendencies, they might only show themselves when that person gets together with someone else.
11
confused?
the author (female) has a fiance (male). she is writing to/about her friend (also male) whom she feels for, but the friend is involved with another one of the authors friends (female).
OR,
the author had a pretty red ball to play with, but she 'gave' it to a friend to play with and now the author wants her pretty red ball back.
fucking children.
the author (female) has a fiance (male). she is writing to/about her friend (also male) whom she feels for, but the friend is involved with another one of the authors friends (female).
OR,
the author had a pretty red ball to play with, but she 'gave' it to a friend to play with and now the author wants her pretty red ball back.
fucking children.
13
The author of this I, Anon is disgustingly fickle. "I have no doubts about our love" LIES!! This whole column is about you doubting your love! "I rooted for the two of you happily, until it became apparent that it would be more than a hookup situation" UGH!! You support your friend if her happiness is false and transitory, but become jealous when she finds something real. That is kinda nasty, since you claim to already be engaged to the perfect man. You are just DYING to have an affair that would ruin the joy of your supposedly nearest and dearest. What is going on in your fickle little head to make you desire that? Fickle fickle fickle...
16
the world is full of temptations. you are lucky to have the love of a good person whom you claim to love in return. leave it the fuck alone or everyone loses.
grow up some before you get married. you're clearly not ready.
grow up some before you get married. you're clearly not ready.
17
Figure out whether you're in love with this man, or just jealous that you can no longer pretend you have a future with him (because whenever you two are together, admit it, you're pretending you're the only woman in his world), and that you can no longer lord your "perfect" fiance over your closest friend.
Female psyche, sigh.
Female psyche, sigh.
21
Crushes happen. Yes, even when you're in love with someone else. Grownups deal with it and move on. They don't turn it into a big But-What-If-I'm-Missing-Out-On-The-Best-Thing-Ever psychodrama.
That said, in my experience, the more people a person refers to as her best/closest friends, the more inclinced that person is toward the psychodramatic.
That said, in my experience, the more people a person refers to as her best/closest friends, the more inclinced that person is toward the psychodramatic.
23
Cutesy incompetent writing which fails the first requirement of thinking about 'How will this read to a fresh READER?' and then making sure the intended meanings are CLEAR.
This happily solipsistic incoherent babbling is like the letters to Carolyn Hax (or used to be; I quit bothering with that column long ago).
The writer happily blathers on about 'me and my significant other', while the reader keeps wondering -- 'Hey! Time out! Are you a Woman? A Man? What age range??'
These self-absorbed writers are oblivious to the fact that they are posting in the big wide world, way beyond a cozy social circle comprised exclusively of other people just like them.
This happily solipsistic incoherent babbling is like the letters to Carolyn Hax (or used to be; I quit bothering with that column long ago).
The writer happily blathers on about 'me and my significant other', while the reader keeps wondering -- 'Hey! Time out! Are you a Woman? A Man? What age range??'
These self-absorbed writers are oblivious to the fact that they are posting in the big wide world, way beyond a cozy social circle comprised exclusively of other people just like them.
25
FFFUUUUCCCCKKKK. marry your "best friend" as planned. fuck up, muddle and disrupt his, hers and his lives with your childish bullshit. be sure to have street performers, overpriced warm libations and $1 carnival games at this grand event. get dee-vorced so's you can go on to become your own best friend. that done you can now cleanly and cleary go fuck yourself. wow, who said i would'nt need math. just sayin'.
26
the fact that she's writing into Ianon means it's already over...she might as well let her fiancee go.
he'll never be good enough because she'll always wonder about what "could have been" and in that fantasyland the new guy will always do what's right.
her fiancee will be constanstly compared to her imaginary "could have been" man without knowledge of it...such a shame.
just slut it up and get it over with, you've already ruined your relationship with your fiancee...might as well make it 2 for 2 and screw you best friend over as well...then you can start a new life, alone, without anyone
he'll never be good enough because she'll always wonder about what "could have been" and in that fantasyland the new guy will always do what's right.
her fiancee will be constanstly compared to her imaginary "could have been" man without knowledge of it...such a shame.
just slut it up and get it over with, you've already ruined your relationship with your fiancee...might as well make it 2 for 2 and screw you best friend over as well...then you can start a new life, alone, without anyone
27
I think she sees her bff in the throes of a new attraction/love and is jealous of the new relationship fireworks. If you're this easily thrown off course, IA, then you're gonna be in REAL trouble when you're married and KNOW you have to spend the rest. of. your. life. with the same. man.
28
It's called lust, deary, and if you do get married you'll experience it many times. It does not mean you are with the wrong person, it only means you are human and it's no reason to go messing up a good thing. Of course, since you are not married yet and aren't sure maybe you should take some time to figure out if you are really ready to get married. But don't pin your hopes on this other guy, who is clearly into a close friend of yours.
29
Sigh. I really wish there were a Universal Relationship Bullshit pamphlet that we all get when we turn 16. Too many people commit to the supposed love of their life only to find out *gasp* they can fall for another person! And that person just so happens to be fucking someone else they know...
If this person you supposedly love and have had no doubts about until now, someone that you've invested so much of your time in and are getting ready to MARRY is suddenly not Mr. Right, how well do you think you'll fair with this other guy?
Seems like the reality of commitment has got your doubts coming to the surface...
If this person you supposedly love and have had no doubts about until now, someone that you've invested so much of your time in and are getting ready to MARRY is suddenly not Mr. Right, how well do you think you'll fair with this other guy?
Seems like the reality of commitment has got your doubts coming to the surface...
32
Sounds like you're not equipped for monogamy. For the sake of all the hearts involved, get involved with polyamorous folks who feel the same way or they'll all get hurt.
And thanks to #10 who explained all this bullshit to me.
And thanks to #10 who explained all this bullshit to me.
33
LOL @ #6
If you're under 25, don't even think about getting married if you get this wrapped up over some new guy. You'll be getting wrapped up over other guys, too, much to the anguish of your "best friend".
Maybe #24 offers a clue?
If you're under 25, don't even think about getting married if you get this wrapped up over some new guy. You'll be getting wrapped up over other guys, too, much to the anguish of your "best friend".
Maybe #24 offers a clue?
34
I could pile on like the other commenters, Anonymous, but the real idiot is your fiancée. Whatever his reasons for choosing to be with a selfish "grass is greener" whiner, his mistake will quickly be revealed to him. I just hope that wedding deposit is refundable.
35
This doesn't make any sense. You say you "have no doubts" about the relationship with the fiance then at the end you ask "What if you're the one?". Sounds like you have doubts to me.
Doubts are normal. It sounds like you don't accept that. If you are really happy with your fiance, you will just have to live with not knowing what else you could have had. Life is sacrifice - you either sacrifice knowing if you'd be compatible with new guy, or you sacrifice your relationship with your fiance to find out what else is out there...
Doubts are normal. It sounds like you don't accept that. If you are really happy with your fiance, you will just have to live with not knowing what else you could have had. Life is sacrifice - you either sacrifice knowing if you'd be compatible with new guy, or you sacrifice your relationship with your fiance to find out what else is out there...
36
Or maybe the four of you should all go out some night, have a few (or a few more) drinks, go back to someone's place, and shag each other until you all fall asleep. Worked dandy for me and my husband.
38
Whatever you do, be sure to marry your fiance then have sex with this other guy. That way you can be sure to ruin any happiness you might have had AND make everyone around hate you. A win-win for everybody!
40
Unless everyone in a group is a poly you will face the mono/poly poly/mono problem if you have an emotional relationship with the other type of person. Its almost guaranteed that someone will get hurt.
41
Absent poly possibility, the ALMOST "no doubts" may be focused within the involvement with the new guy as a kind of psychological projection. Having cold feet about marriage is normal and easily gotten over. Also, it's a grassv-is-always-greener situation when someone lovely whom you've never fucked or lived with is nearby (who still has no foibles or flaws seen up-close). Potential is very alluring, but grownups stand by their decisions.
44
this is one of those times where polyamory and nonmonogamy are not only options, but should be considered...not everyone can be in love with just one person...i know i cant
45
i would also like to add, re:#40....with every single relationship, someone will always get hurt...it might not end, but pain is apart of being in a relationship...its not real til you have your first fight, i stand by that wholeheartedly
46
What, has I Anon suddenly leaked into Savage Love? This isn't a freakin' love advice column! Post a real letter!
47
It took about three times reading it to figure out that her "best friend" is different from her "closest friend".
Women!
Women!
48
I hope your fiance or his real "best friend" reads this and recognizes you, your writing, the situation. For his sake, this should not be anonymous. Douche.
49
The fantasy, infatuation, the lust in the early days of a new relationship (or with the prospect of a new relationship), inevitably gives way to the reality of the day to day interaction. The fantasy of the new perfect person will give way to his imperfections. It may be you should try to learn and understand this basic relationship concept.
Trouble is many people know this, but can't truly understand this lesson except through direct trial (and error).
Trouble is many people know this, but can't truly understand this lesson except through direct trial (and error).
50
that is a bunch wishy washy shit... don't be suprised your fiancé broke up with you after you explained to him with smuged mascara eyes that you cheated on him..
51
You're a failure as a writer. And I can't believe something so incomprehensible and boring was chosen for an IA.
Next time, choose fake names. At least then we'll know what your stupid point is. Because as it stands, all I understand from this piece is "I know some people, and I'm engaged to one of them, but I'm not confident that we're all in the right types of relationships".
Next time, choose fake names. At least then we'll know what your stupid point is. Because as it stands, all I understand from this piece is "I know some people, and I'm engaged to one of them, but I'm not confident that we're all in the right types of relationships".
52
In my opinion (skipping over the part where I blast her for the sloppy writing)... she needs to get out of the relationship. She sounds young and/or immature. Think about how boring it will be married to your best friend in 20 years -- aren't you glad you met this guy now, BEFORE you got hitched?? Some people get married, meet the RIGHT person, and then wish they hadn't gotten married so early..
Don't get married until you know what's going on here. I say follow your heart and the guy at work. He might end up being your best friend too.
Don't get married until you know what's going on here. I say follow your heart and the guy at work. He might end up being your best friend too.
53
I'm really hoping that the fiancé reads I Anon. There is probably just enough identifying information to do the trick.
Hell, even if the wrong person recognizes himself, there are plenty of people in that basic situation, all of whom deserve a shot at the truth and a chance to avert a failed marriage, or at very least a postponement long enough for dearest spouse-to-be to get her (or his) head on straight again.
Hell, even if the wrong person recognizes himself, there are plenty of people in that basic situation, all of whom deserve a shot at the truth and a chance to avert a failed marriage, or at very least a postponement long enough for dearest spouse-to-be to get her (or his) head on straight again.
57
Like they say in Peep Show - 'You work out who you like the best.....then pretend to not like anyone else.' - Jez
59
@54: HAHAHA! I have zero interest in Twilight but I can't help knowing exactly what you're talking about and I hate it, so thank you for making me LOL.
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