Tools
Ten minutes before we were going to leave, you threw a tantrum. I don't give a damn that you have Alzheimer's, you are still in control of your emotions even if your body is disobeying you. I should know—I saw how quickly your attitude changed as soon as I walked out of the room. You were playing your daughter's emotions, pitting child against mother. Yes, I heard you, you lying snake. Any pity I had for you went out the window that instant. You lied, gossiped, and even threatened suicide in an act that should have won an Oscar—and your loving daughter fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Then, as soon as she was gone, you smiled. You sicken me.
Once, I hoped that you would die soon out of respect. You claimed you were suffering from Alzheimer's, and I hate to see others suffer. Now that I see how petty and selfish you really are, I hope you die soon so as to relieve the world of your selfishness and lies.
Stranger Personals
I don't blame the rest of the family for disowning you. Out of your three children, only my mother will even keep in contact with you, and you used her. Out of your six grandchildren, only I used to keep in contact with you, and you screwed me over. I don't care if you write me out of the will. I'll happily be lumped in with the rest of the people who avoid you while you whisper nasty things about me behind my back to my mother. Please die soon, old bitch. 
Submit your unsigned confession or accusation
here.
Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
1
Take it easy, Anon, Alzheimer's is a cruel disease that makes people do strange things to the people they love. I'm truly sorry that you're having to experience it firsthand, but the disease really works that way.
3
Awesome! No estate tax if she dies this year...but I guess that wouldn't really benefit *you* since you're not willing to kiss some pruned ass.
4
As anyone who has spent any time with Alzheimer's sufferers knows, tantrums are a nearly universal symptom of the disease. So whatever kind of horrible person she is or was, if she has this kind of dementia, tantrums are going to be a part of it. Good job not being bitter about getting cut out of the will, though, cough cough.
5
That sounds a lot like what my grandmother has been doing the entire time I can remember her and she claims that everything else (the arthritis caused me to be bi-polar, it's because i smoke, it's because i am quitting smoking, it's because i quit smoking, it is my allergy meds, it is my my asthma, it is my asthma meds, etc) is responsable for her shitty behavior. She will probably claim alzheimers is at fault for her behavior in a few more years but she has been like that her whole life... I think that is what this person was trying to convey, especially since the grandmothers entire family has split this couldnt have been a new thing with the onset of Alzheimers.
6
Maybe tantrums are common for Alzheimer's sufferers - I don't know. But lying, gossiping, threatening suicide, then smiling when your audience leaves the room? Are those all part of the same tantrum? Really, I'm asking. It seems to me that I, Anon has enough background and history (pre-disease, I'm assuming) with grandma to know that she's just a bad person and now using Alzheimer's to her advantage. I wouldn't put it past the lying, manipulative, self-interested snake in my family. Just because you're someone's mom/grandmother doesn't mean you can't also be a loathsome pile of excrement.
8
My great-grandmother was physically and mentally fit well into her late 90s, but the last 2 years of her life she became extremely hostile and paranoid. Unfortunately the people she was most brutal to were the ones she'd had the closest relationship with (my mom and grandmother) before the senility took over.
It was extemely painful for my mother to hear this sweet, lovely woman accuse her of stealing, deception and worse. But we all had to keep remembering that this angry, cruel woman WASN'T Granny Jones. It was the senility talking, it wasn't something she could control, and if she knew how she was acting the "real Granny" would have been horrified.
If your grandmother was already awful, well, Alzheimer's isn't going to change that. But it's unfair to attribute plots and deliberate cruelty to someone with Alzheimer's, no matter how it appears on the outside.
It was extemely painful for my mother to hear this sweet, lovely woman accuse her of stealing, deception and worse. But we all had to keep remembering that this angry, cruel woman WASN'T Granny Jones. It was the senility talking, it wasn't something she could control, and if she knew how she was acting the "real Granny" would have been horrified.
If your grandmother was already awful, well, Alzheimer's isn't going to change that. But it's unfair to attribute plots and deliberate cruelty to someone with Alzheimer's, no matter how it appears on the outside.
9
MY mom is really, really, old and really, really disabled and really really nice. She isn't going to have any money left for me because we're spending it all for the best care we could find. I'm going to visit her now because MY mom is SOOO much better than yours.
10
I don't have any experience with Alzheimer's, but I am wondering if Bill Cosby's joke about cocaine may apply here:
"Cocaine just enhances your personality."
"Yeah, but what if you're an asshole?"
If you were a lifelong bitch prior to hitting the senior circuit, would Alzheimer's just amplify your horrible personality? Or if the tantrums are unpredictable and unavoidable, why aren't we medicating the fuck out of these people, like we do with younger psychotics?
"Cocaine just enhances your personality."
"Yeah, but what if you're an asshole?"
If you were a lifelong bitch prior to hitting the senior circuit, would Alzheimer's just amplify your horrible personality? Or if the tantrums are unpredictable and unavoidable, why aren't we medicating the fuck out of these people, like we do with younger psychotics?
11
What #1 said. But for what it's worth, Alzheimer's is a major factor in a will contest, in case the Grams you used wanted to set you up and you really wanted to go that route.
13
Haha, you are still under the thumb of your parents and grandparents. What are you 12 years old? If you dislike anyone in your family, grow a fucking sack and make it abundantly clear to them. I love my brother, but he would never be a friend of mine, ever. So why put in the effort? If you are over 25 and your parents still rule your life, they had better be financing your sorry existence. Otherwise, like I said, grow a pair and move on with your life you fucking pussy.
14
It would be kind if the grandmother was to die now. Before she's remembered as a tantrum-throwing, emotionally manipulative bitch. Quit while you're ahead (or in this case, less further behind).
Also, I lose all respect for anybody, no matter what their circumstances, when they threaten suicide. Call them on it. Every time, immediately call their bluff.
Also, I lose all respect for anybody, no matter what their circumstances, when they threaten suicide. Call them on it. Every time, immediately call their bluff.
20
Hard to know what to think. I mean, Alzheimer's and anything else that can cause brain damage, can and does cause drastic personality changes. Like it or not, we are what our brain does. But I don't hear Anon saying she misses the old days when granny was so much nicer, so maybe she's been a little like this all along and it's just been amplified.
Either way, just refuse to visit her next time. Even if she can't help it, you can let your mom deal with it or tell her to call in the professionals.
Either way, just refuse to visit her next time. Even if she can't help it, you can let your mom deal with it or tell her to call in the professionals.
21
My brother-in-law's mother was emotionally and physically abusive to him growing up. Mostly, her dementia made her a lot more tractable. However, sometimes I'd bend down to tie her shoe or something and she'd decide I was a small person, grab my hair, and shake my head violently. Caring for helpless bad people is weird.
22
Funny how this I,Anon is so OFF... you think grandma can control her emotions but not her body?? Sorry sweetie, it's the exact OPPOSITE. The body is still there, but the person inside is gone. Absolutely gone.
My grandma was the sweetest, kindest (and most hard-working) woman you'd meet. She got Altzheimer's a few years back.. and now she says the most snarky, sarcastic, LOUD things and laughs at her own jokes. It is not her anymore. My parents and grandfather are grieving because they've already lost her.
All you can do is your best, but I'm pretty sure calling her an old bitch isn't your best.
My grandma was the sweetest, kindest (and most hard-working) woman you'd meet. She got Altzheimer's a few years back.. and now she says the most snarky, sarcastic, LOUD things and laughs at her own jokes. It is not her anymore. My parents and grandfather are grieving because they've already lost her.
All you can do is your best, but I'm pretty sure calling her an old bitch isn't your best.
23
ANON,
You are way of out your league here my mother was the sweetest, loving, generous and caring person in the world, she got that sickening illness called Alzheimer... She became the most evil, selfish, a real harpy if you ask me... but it s is the illness speaking and not her true self. A word of solace though the tantrums are only a phase, the next phase is calmer.
You are way of out your league here my mother was the sweetest, loving, generous and caring person in the world, she got that sickening illness called Alzheimer... She became the most evil, selfish, a real harpy if you ask me... but it s is the illness speaking and not her true self. A word of solace though the tantrums are only a phase, the next phase is calmer.
24
You noticed how her attitude changed as soon as you left the room, did you? I'll bet mine would too. Maybe without you around she is a sweet loving old gal, the life of the party, generous and loving, a friend to all. But the very minute you appear, she goes beezlebubby. What an alarming coincidence.
25
Anonymous -
Watching a loved one spiral out of control form dementia is a horrible, ghastly experience. I silently wished an expedited death for my father as he went through Alzheimer's, and I don't think anyone could hold begrudge you for feeling the same about your grandmother. In my case, I'm glad that I persevered and continued to care for him because it was a way I could at least honor the person he once was.
However, if you feel you should be abandoned by everyone when you're old and suffering, then leave and don't look back.
Watching a loved one spiral out of control form dementia is a horrible, ghastly experience. I silently wished an expedited death for my father as he went through Alzheimer's, and I don't think anyone could hold begrudge you for feeling the same about your grandmother. In my case, I'm glad that I persevered and continued to care for him because it was a way I could at least honor the person he once was.
However, if you feel you should be abandoned by everyone when you're old and suffering, then leave and don't look back.
26
i get the impression the grandma doesn't actually have alzheimer's, but is using it as an excuse to behave as she pleases while raking in the pity and attention. in any case, i think anon makes it pretty clear that grandma was a bitch long before the alleged dementia. like almost there said up at #6 - being a mom or grandma doesn't automatically make you a nice person. some people - grandmas included, and grandmas with dementia included - are honestly just rotten, nasty, manipulative, BAD people. i'd like to give anon the benefit of the doubt and think that's probably the case here.
27
I would assume that Anon's grandma was a dick WAY before the illness struck. Anon, my grandma is an evil, Bible-thumping Southern Baptist, Borderline, Narcissistic witch. I'm going to visit her next month just to stay in the will. The least she can do is pay me for the suffering she caused my mom, which was in turn passed on to me.
Fuck grandmas!
Fuck grandmas!
29
Hell, if someone was hoping for me to die, and waiting for it, I probably wouldn't be too kind either. That's not healthy Anon, hoping someone will die. I mean, I say I hope someone walks off a cliff or falls down an elevator shaft all the time, but you're really feeling this "die Granny die" thing. What an A-hole.
30
Word to the all the ignorant folks out there - Alzheimer's is a really, really shitty disease that robs a person of all control over his or her actions/behavior. It means a former Nobel Prize winner will spend her final days painting the walls of her room with her own feces. And a once doting grandma will curse her own children as whores and murders, etc. It's an extremely cruel disease, and anyone who is is moronic enough to think that it somehow brings out a person's true self needs to educate his/herself. If anyone deserves compassion and sympathy, it's the suffers of this disease. Nuff said.
31
wow psycho. im a nurse so i deal with alzheimers and other forms of organic brain disease and dementia all the time and its pretty f-ing sad that someone would piss all over their g-ma like that while being aware that she doesnt have control of her body but she does her emotions. ya know alzheimers affects your memory and emotions for the most part? its true that demented folks who werent that nice to begin with just get un nicer over time but..... wow. i bet the writer is going to be a mean old cuss when she or he gets old and confused. it does run in the family.
33
The disease CAN change personalities. Bits of the victims brain are fucking rotting away, that leaves all kinds of marks.
But it doesn't mean you just roll over and take it. Caregivers have to set firm boundaries and not let themselves be pushed around.
But it doesn't mean you just roll over and take it. Caregivers have to set firm boundaries and not let themselves be pushed around.
34
Dealing with Alzheimer's sucks, and I don't blame Anonymous for her anger. Victims often do become manipulative, amoral individuals.
I think of Alzheimer's as essentially reversing brain growth. That doesn't just mean forgetting facts and memories; it also means regressing to the state of someone with a much less developed brain. In short, aging in reverse. So your grandmother has basically reverted to junior-high age: mean, manipulative, and a complete pain in the ass.
She'll revert even further, becoming increasingly frightened and amoral-- just like children are. She'll throw more tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. She'll lie to your face without any hesitation. In the same way you don't really take anything kids say seriously (e.g., "I hate you!"), you'll have to do the same with your grandmother. It's a difficult shift, especially when you're used to holding your elders in esteem. But the sooner you come to grips with it, the better.
Then she'll hit baby age, where she doesn't even know what's going on around her. Then she'll die. Not a fun disease.
I'm not saying you should put up with any of grandma's shit. I'm just trying to help you get to a place where her antics just wash over you.
I think of Alzheimer's as essentially reversing brain growth. That doesn't just mean forgetting facts and memories; it also means regressing to the state of someone with a much less developed brain. In short, aging in reverse. So your grandmother has basically reverted to junior-high age: mean, manipulative, and a complete pain in the ass.
She'll revert even further, becoming increasingly frightened and amoral-- just like children are. She'll throw more tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. She'll lie to your face without any hesitation. In the same way you don't really take anything kids say seriously (e.g., "I hate you!"), you'll have to do the same with your grandmother. It's a difficult shift, especially when you're used to holding your elders in esteem. But the sooner you come to grips with it, the better.
Then she'll hit baby age, where she doesn't even know what's going on around her. Then she'll die. Not a fun disease.
I'm not saying you should put up with any of grandma's shit. I'm just trying to help you get to a place where her antics just wash over you.
35
Unfortunately, that "true self" business is pure fantasy. Once you get Alzheimers, you are a different person. There is no "true self" inside. Better to mourn the type of person one was and deal with what you've got.
However from what I read of Anon, this lady was a bitch before. So, even if there were such a thing as a "true self," it would have been a bitch, just like me.
There's no true self. Dig around inside a person, and where is it? What's it made of? Puffs of magic clouds? You are what you are, and you are what people think you are. It's arbitrary, and doesn't really exist (i.e. the "soul" thing. It's hogwash). We are thinking, remembering, metabolizing beings in the now only. The "self" is only memories--poor and good. It only exists as neurons firing chemical electricity.
However from what I read of Anon, this lady was a bitch before. So, even if there were such a thing as a "true self," it would have been a bitch, just like me.
There's no true self. Dig around inside a person, and where is it? What's it made of? Puffs of magic clouds? You are what you are, and you are what people think you are. It's arbitrary, and doesn't really exist (i.e. the "soul" thing. It's hogwash). We are thinking, remembering, metabolizing beings in the now only. The "self" is only memories--poor and good. It only exists as neurons firing chemical electricity.
36
Those of you who can attribute behavior like this to Alzheimer's, be thankful -- my grandmother passed away earlier this year, and she was bitter and manipulative without it. She was fully aware that she was exaggerating symptoms and such to play with peoples' emotions and get them to dote on her, but she'd gotten so in the habit of doing so for most of her adult life that she just couldn't bring herself to stop when confronted with it. I wish I could have blamed her personality on Alzheimer's, but I couldn't. Her mind did start to go right at the end, but it was entirely due to lack of oxygen to the brain as a result of her physical condition.
The knowledge that a family member's change in personality is entirely due to an outside force is the smallest of minor blessings. Enjoy it when you can.
The knowledge that a family member's change in personality is entirely due to an outside force is the smallest of minor blessings. Enjoy it when you can.
37
This comment shows the ignorance of most people about Alzeimer's..people absorb rumors & hearsay & don't seem to want to take the time to really learn about the disease! A bok entitle 'The 36-Hour day" has been around quite a awhile & each new edition is updated...Tantrums, for instance, can be a stage of the disease - but the attitudes disturb me - we have dealt with it twice in our close family - and beware - if your mother, grandmoher, father, etc have been through it - don't be surprised if YOU end up with the symptoms. This is not something for the Ann Landers or Dan Savage columns to deal with - get some edcation to help you deal with the problem!
38
Anon, read #1 & #22. A lot. Educate yourself, maybe then you won't come off like a whiny brat.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
39
@38
STFU, you passive aggressive, piece 'o shit. Anon is clearly upset at how her MOTHER is being treated like shit by this old bag. Disease or no disease, the bag 'o bones is behaving like a BITCH and Anon is understandably pissed and expresses that. Apparently, you'd happily stand by and watch your own mother be pissed on by the evil old broad. Remind me not to have kids like you. Have a nice day!
STFU, you passive aggressive, piece 'o shit. Anon is clearly upset at how her MOTHER is being treated like shit by this old bag. Disease or no disease, the bag 'o bones is behaving like a BITCH and Anon is understandably pissed and expresses that. Apparently, you'd happily stand by and watch your own mother be pissed on by the evil old broad. Remind me not to have kids like you. Have a nice day!
40
i have a grandma like this bitch and don't feel bad either. mine is wise enough to keep a few people around to support her, unlike yours that's only burdening your mom.
don't feel bad. the entire family can't be wrong. just let your mom do what will make her happy and give her peace, even if it means taking shit.
don't feel bad. the entire family can't be wrong. just let your mom do what will make her happy and give her peace, even if it means taking shit.
41
The body lives and the mind dies when you have Alzheimers. However, I think from what Anon is trying to convey is that Grandmere was a major c-you-next-tuesday before the diagnosis of Alzheimers and now the old bag is using the diagnosis to really be an asshole. She may not have advanced Alzheimers and instead has an early stage of it and still be mostly lucid and is using it as an excuse to be even more abusive than before.
42
If you can't have any sympathy for her, you're a selfish cow. Do that poor woman a favor and DON'T darken her doorstep again. Sounds like she won't miss anything if you're not there.
There's a great old saying about "what goes around, comes around." Maybe you should read up on that.
There's a great old saying about "what goes around, comes around." Maybe you should read up on that.
43
Sounds to me like you've currently got the exact kind of Grandma you deserve. You talk evil shit about your own granny, a woman with a disease that you clearly haven't bothered to even superficially research.
I don't know anything about her, but if the rest of the family is anything like her dear granddaughter then she's damn lucky they wandered off and forgot about her.
Careful what you wish on other people, it often ricochets right back in your face.
I don't know anything about her, but if the rest of the family is anything like her dear granddaughter then she's damn lucky they wandered off and forgot about her.
Careful what you wish on other people, it often ricochets right back in your face.
44
No, your grandmother is NOT in control of her emotions. Alzheimer's does that to people. Mentally, they regress and lose their maturity, becoming like teenagers and then like small children, throwing tantrums when something, anything, upsets them. Don't hate her, pity her. With that said, there's no reason for you to see her if it makes you miserable to do so, especially since she'll forget you were ever there five seconds after you walk out the door. Hoping she dies soon is well justified, since the person she originally was is effectively already dead.
45
I feel you. My mother is well on her way to being this grandmother - except I decided long ago not to subject myself or any children I may someday have to her shit any more, so they won't be subject to the kind of abuse I'm sorry you had to bear.
Hope she dies soon!
Hope she dies soon!
46
From the writer's description of Grandma having alienated nearly her entire family, I would guess that the manipulative behavior predates the Alzheimer's. My grandfather is a piece of shit. He was a piece of shit at 40, and the fact that he's now an old, sick piece of shit doesn't mean I have to start thinking of him with fondness.
47
I doubt that granny was faking it and being manipulative, it was likely the alzheimers. and even if she was,so the fuck what - give in to the ole girl sometimes and let her enjoy some dignity.
And if you can't bring out your compassion, here's what you do - take some nice powder MDMA and spend a couple hours with your granny some afternoon - it'll change you and her relationship forever....
And if you can't bring out your compassion, here's what you do - take some nice powder MDMA and spend a couple hours with your granny some afternoon - it'll change you and her relationship forever....
48
@Bagel- Have both persons take mdma? That would be funny.
Since Alzheimer's reduces people to mere physical shells occupied by an unknown raging demon brat/ child, why are they allowed to live still? Wouldn't it be more 'humane' to simply put them to sleep? Seems a waste of money and resources to keep such people alive, esp if they are already inherently 'dead' to their families.
God forbid I ever win a Nobel Prize and then the legacy to live after I die is that I used my feces to paint walls.
Since Alzheimer's reduces people to mere physical shells occupied by an unknown raging demon brat/ child, why are they allowed to live still? Wouldn't it be more 'humane' to simply put them to sleep? Seems a waste of money and resources to keep such people alive, esp if they are already inherently 'dead' to their families.
God forbid I ever win a Nobel Prize and then the legacy to live after I die is that I used my feces to paint walls.
49
From Wikipedia's article on Alzheimers: "As the disease advances, symptoms include confusion, irritability and aggression, mood swings, language breakdown, long-term memory loss, and the general withdrawal of the sufferer as their senses decline."
On the other hand, she's taking up valuable space and resources and using them, whether or not her addled brain knows it or not, to spread lies and slander and then pretend to be a sweet old granny when you're around. Anon, you're right to be pissed. And even her cobweb-filled mind can barely remember the name of that cute pharaoh she used to flirt with back when she did some temp work overseeing the construction of the pyramids, that gives her no room to stab you in the back like that.
Goodnight and good riddance, ya old cunt, and may Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed and all the rest of 'em kick you in the cooter on your way down to hell.
On the other hand, she's taking up valuable space and resources and using them, whether or not her addled brain knows it or not, to spread lies and slander and then pretend to be a sweet old granny when you're around. Anon, you're right to be pissed. And even her cobweb-filled mind can barely remember the name of that cute pharaoh she used to flirt with back when she did some temp work overseeing the construction of the pyramids, that gives her no room to stab you in the back like that.
Goodnight and good riddance, ya old cunt, and may Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed and all the rest of 'em kick you in the cooter on your way down to hell.
50
Considering Alzheimer's is believed to be genetic, one can only hope that the turd known as Anonymous is similarly afflicted, and treated with the same respect that the POS treats his grandmother with. Die, Anonymous! Die!
More I, Anonymous
RSS
Twitter
Comments (50) RSS