From the Dec 21 – Dec 27, 2000 issue

Columns

I, Anonymous

Fuck you, Mr. Raven. You wake me up early on my days off, screaming at anybody or anything that walks within a half-block of your precious offspring, regardless of the time of day. You physically attack those unfortunate enough to pass too close to your nest, screaming and swooping down from above, grabbing the hair or ears of the innocent children who happened to unwittingly play beneath your lair. But ya know what? I've got some really yummy rat poison and seasoned, rancid ground beef that you and the rest of your crow friends will no doubt find pretty fucking tasty, you rat with wings. Eat my meat and die a miserable fucking death, you noisy, dirty, diseased-looking, garbage-eating, child-attacking, screaming bag of lice. If you were a person, you'd live in a trailer and have your children taken away by the state, 'cause you're nothing but trash.

--Anonymous