From the Dec 28, 2000 – Jan 3, 2001 issue

Columns

I, Anonymous

You came into the restaurant I work at, sat down at a table in my section, and proceeded to treat me like shit. Maybe you were having a bad day. Maybe you weren't feeling well. Whatever your pathetic excuse may be, you were mean and condescending without provocation, and you ran my ass off with your piddling little demands. You complained about the food and the service, and the harder I worked to accommodate your puny needs, the more superior and rude you became. The ruder you acted, the more awed I became at your courage and stupidity for actually eating the food I placed before you. Imagine my utter delight (and the amusement of a select group of fellow employees) as we watched you devour your meal. Let me assure you that by the time I got through with it, your plate contained a lot more than just food.--Anonymous

P.S. I wiped my ass with your bread.