I admit it: I'm the "straight" girl who is coming on to you and your lesbian friends as I'm emerging into a queerer identity. My imaginary dating profile ("Fit and attractive, charismatic, successful professional woman," all true, BTW) might make a desirable W4W personals ad—if only I were out. When I travel on business, I leave my wedding ring back at the hotel while I cruise lesbian clubs. Supposedly-straight suburban dads on the down low do this all the time, and deception in the bar scene—gay or straight—comes as standard as a Sex on the Beach with maraschino-cherry garnish. I feel like I'm violating not only my marriage vows (though I've never slept with a woman) but also some unwritten rules of the lesbian tribe—my future community?—when I flirt with lesbians.

I should have womaned up decades ago and come out of the closet. Now here I am: 17 years, two kids, and a $300,000 mortgage deep into a marriage that I want out of. In addition to crushing my husband's faith in humanity and marring my kids' childhood with their parents' divorce and divisive joint-custody decisions, I fear that after finally reconciling my emotional life with my same-sex orientation, I'll end up alone. Not getting a girlfriend is not an option.

Here is where you and your lady- loving lady friends come in: I purposely go to events that draw a disproportionately high number of you in order to practice getting my flirt on. Is it possible to say that, yes, I'm auditioning with you but I also sincerely want you? I promise I'll only be a girl tease until I meet The One.

—Anonymous