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Steven Weissman
When we first got together, we had more sex than I'd had in my
entire lifetime. We couldn't keep our hands off each other and our
friends were envious. It's been two years and 45 pounds since then. I
cut my hair and started wearing glasses because I know how much you dig
"indie girls." I know I'll never be one, but it was worth a shot. I
don't read the right books or listen to the right music, but I've tried
so fucking hard. I've tried everything really, but you'd still rather
watch porn and jack off. You say it's you, but I don't blame you, I
wouldn't want to fuck me either. I know what you like. I know you'd
rather be with her. I've read the things you wrote about her. I wish I
held whatever it is that she holds over you—as hard as I fucking
try, I'll never be her. I'm not going anywhere; no one else will love
me anyway. If I stop eating and buy you booze, will you love me
more? 
Submit your unsigned confession or accusation
here.
Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
1
Oh darlin'. Someone else would love you with your own tastes in books and music and a haircut you liked.
Auditioning forever will eat your soul. Take care of you.
Auditioning forever will eat your soul. Take care of you.
2
I thought I, anonymous was for ranting about injustice or just ranting about lame ass crap that happened, not whining about a fucking pity party. He'd rather jerk his mea to porn on the web instead of whining like a victim dump his ass already and go find someone who likes you for you. But first get off the pity party and grow up. Nobody wants to date a fixer upper.
4
45lbs! That's 3.2 bowling balls of unnecessary fat and a health risk. Why can't americans age without getting huge?!!
5
It's not you. Really. After two years with HER, odds are higher than not he'd be watching porn and jacking off too.
7
Don't stop eating. You obviously feel bad about the weight gain so address it healthfully. Just stop hanging onto the past. START other things. It's not hard to lose a few pounds by getting out and doing things. And when you do, I hope you leave. The guy's an ass. He can buy his own booze and put on 45 or more of his own. Look forward to running into future him at the grocery store one day. My ex wanted to die when he saw me again after the year I spent being happy and single and he spent drinking Jack in his underwear. I didn't exactly enjoy seeing him that way but I didn't miss him one bit either.
8
Cheers to km, I couldn't have said it better! Get yourself together, get out of the relationship, and get to gettin' on. You're wasting too much energy on it.
Also, "indie" girls are a dime a dozen. He needs to grow the fuck up.
Also, "indie" girls are a dime a dozen. He needs to grow the fuck up.
10
Wow. Another pathetic post by an insecure female. Lame. K'mon Stranger - you must get better letters than this. How about something from a dude next week who stole the fat kid's lunch money. Anything else but another post from slovenly chicks who can't get any. Sheesh.
11
45 lbs? And you wonder why he's not attracted to you? Sounds like he's trying - he's stayed with you, not left you for whoever - but if he'd gained that much weight, would you still want him? If it upsets you that much, don't whine about having to stop eating; just get out of the house and walk, lift a few weights and cut out junk food. Sounds like you're just fishing for sympathy. Either accept your current weight and move on to a guy who better matches everything you like, or do something about your weight and get your sex life back with porn guy. And yes, I've been there - and I did something about it, wasn't easy but the payoff was great.
12
This is weird. I reckon you have to be pretty young because one day, you will understand yourself and start liking yourself and then you will radiate a magnetism to others that they can't help but be attracted to. You can't "change" yourself for others and when you put yourself in their shoes, think about it, would you really want someone who is so quick to change who they are just to please you? You've lost your identity and in doing so, you've missed out on being with someone who DOES want you for you.
13
The guys an idiot, but then again, so are you, and you're dating him. Quit bitching, take responsability for your happiness, and do something about this.
Oh, and lose the weight, no one wants a fatty unless you're into chasers.
Oh, and lose the weight, no one wants a fatty unless you're into chasers.
14
45 pounds is a lot of weight to gain, enough to see a real physical difference. However, it's also not an impossible amount to lose, either. I'm guessing you gained it because you were in a depressing relationship with little affection. I suggest you start eating better, start working out, and start taking care of yourself - starting by dumping the asshole boyfriend who clearly wants to be someone completely different than you. The only direction to go from here is up, my friend.
16
There are plenty of guys looking for sex (and relationships) with chubby quasi-indie girls out there, trust me. Move on and you'll have no problem finding someone else.
17
Indie girls look stupid anyway. Why ugly yourself up? Good golly, woman, find yourself and then BE yourself!
18
It's really sad that so many women would rather be fat than have a happy relationship.
I think the problem is that too many guys are willing to service a fat chick for a while before moving on.
If I was fat and wasn't getting any sex, I'd be working my ass off to lose weight
I think the problem is that too many guys are willing to service a fat chick for a while before moving on.
If I was fat and wasn't getting any sex, I'd be working my ass off to lose weight
22
nobody will fuck you until you want to fuck yourself.
you gotta go girl. 2 yrs and the spark is gone, accept it and stop hatin' the self. shit happens
you gotta go girl. 2 yrs and the spark is gone, accept it and stop hatin' the self. shit happens
23
Women are taught from an early age to value others more then themselves (Yeah, I know this is the pattest of all cliches, but it happens to be true.). A lot of us spend years bending ourselves into whatever shape suits the people we love. It's not worth it. Life whips by (Uh huh, another cliche, but also true.). Do you really want to spend the limited time you have barking up the wrong tree? (Cliches have been very, very good to me today.)
It's a lot more fun to be able to listen to the music you really like, to wear your hair the way you like, and to be with someone who likes your hair, wants to have sex with and likes at least some of the things you like. It's also possible. I don't know, on some people 45 pounds is huge. on others, it's not that bad. Still, men have varied preferences so you could probably find someone who would happily have sex with you. But.........
..........it might be worth it to give up guys for a little while and spend some of your time on earth doing things you like and being yourself. People who are comfortable in their own skin (and the cliches keep on comin') tend to be more attractive to others.
You know you're pretending to be someone else to please this guy. It's good that you know that. The first step to fixing a problem is recognizing it. (My last cliche folks--like anyone will read my post anyway, who am I kidding.)
Good luck!
It's a lot more fun to be able to listen to the music you really like, to wear your hair the way you like, and to be with someone who likes your hair, wants to have sex with and likes at least some of the things you like. It's also possible. I don't know, on some people 45 pounds is huge. on others, it's not that bad. Still, men have varied preferences so you could probably find someone who would happily have sex with you. But.........
..........it might be worth it to give up guys for a little while and spend some of your time on earth doing things you like and being yourself. People who are comfortable in their own skin (and the cliches keep on comin') tend to be more attractive to others.
You know you're pretending to be someone else to please this guy. It's good that you know that. The first step to fixing a problem is recognizing it. (My last cliche folks--like anyone will read my post anyway, who am I kidding.)
Good luck!
25
You deserve better than this scumbag. You need to love yourself, to believe you are worthy of more. Kick Jerk-Off Boy to the curb and get the hell out of there!
And wear your hair and your glasses the way YOU like, not the way you think a man likes. Mostly, we guys don't notice that stuff and the guy you deserve will let you be you.
And wear your hair and your glasses the way YOU like, not the way you think a man likes. Mostly, we guys don't notice that stuff and the guy you deserve will let you be you.
26
Also, why are so many people hating on Ms. Anonymous?
She did nothing to you.
Those of you who've bashed her are the sort who cause teenage anorexia and suicides.
Grow a soul, willya? Jeezzzz!
She did nothing to you.
Those of you who've bashed her are the sort who cause teenage anorexia and suicides.
Grow a soul, willya? Jeezzzz!
27
really lame. if you put on 45 pounds........ loose them and forget about the jerk. be yourself woman!
28
Kid, this is depressing as hell, but, uh, man. Grow a sense of self-worth. "I'm not going anywhere: no one else will love me anyway?" F'real?
29
you will never be happy in this current relationship or future relationships until you learn to love your self. Therapy? Maybe this could help you learn about truly loving your self. Once you have accomplished that, you will be a honey bucket sending out the right vibes that will attract a mate who appreciates and values the work you have down on your self.
30
Question ... it's so god damn obvious that men are more turned on visually than women. Yet women are the only ones that are allowed to address their signifigant others physical attractiveness. Men just have to internalize their frustrations. Dan Savage addressed this ad nausium. And don't give me that crap about age making us all fat and ugly, the right attitude and good habits make beautiful people at any age ...
Or everyone on Capital Hill can just keep sporting the smokers build/ ie slim and possibly a runner/swimmer with clothes on, but so obviously not when naked.
Or everyone on Capital Hill can just keep sporting the smokers build/ ie slim and possibly a runner/swimmer with clothes on, but so obviously not when naked.
33
I don't understand why the combination of trying to please him and become an Indy girl made you fat... just because he's not attracted to you anymore doesn't make him a jerk. Do yourself a favor, get a gym membership, go 4 times a week, make your own lunch, stop eating out all the time, and go to bed a little hungry. Get freaking healthy lady and then the self esteem will come! If he doesn't come around, THEN bag him, and wow look, you can have your pick of men in Seattle who dig a girl who cares about herself. By the way, on the music front.. you can like Indie music as well as Britney Spears and Lil Wayne and be normal. It doesn't have to be one or the other.
34
Get away from that relationship - I waited 5 years before ditching the porn addicted ex husband and within months I met a delicious boyfriend 7 years my junior who adores who I am and spoils the crap out of me. Weight came off so easily through uhm.. acrobatics in the bedroom.
Truth be told, the older I get, the more I realize that a single woman can always find someone new to light her fire and treat her well. Don't tolerate an ounce of bad behavior, and kick him to the curb, dearie.
Truth be told, the older I get, the more I realize that a single woman can always find someone new to light her fire and treat her well. Don't tolerate an ounce of bad behavior, and kick him to the curb, dearie.
35
I think you need to learn how to suck five dicks at once and take 3 up the ass and maybe someone will value you then cuntshine.
36
some people don't want to be loved and adored, they want/need to be ignored and abused. it's a mommy thing. perhaps he would respect you more if you stood up to him (emulate stern, neglectful mommy) rather than turning yourself inside out for him. and maybe you should look at why you need his abuse. whose love are you really after? start with your own. it's all you can be sure of. it's been said many times (i heard it so many times before i finally figured out what it meant--that it applied to ME) only when you love yourself can you truly love anyone else. now that i do, i'm beating them off with a stick, and it seems they want that much more than the loving kindness i gushed before. it's a strange world.
37
whether you're a giant person or just a tiny person, if he doesn't pay you the attention you need, then maybe it really is time to move on. you deserve someone who loves you for who you are. fat or thin. it's not you, it's him.
38
Ummmm, there is a very easy solution to this. It's called DTMFA. And then stop bitching about how you completely changed into something you're not to make someone love you. You really thought that would work out for the best? No one wants to deal with a faker
39
*cracks knuckles on voting hand*
I know this is too obvious at this point, but anon doesn't actually 'say' it was her that gained the weight. Could be him? She could be hopelessly in love with a fat, emotionally retarded, alcoholic asshole who wants her to desperately be someone she's not. Eh...?
About 14 hrs till polls open CST, good luck west coast.
I know this is too obvious at this point, but anon doesn't actually 'say' it was her that gained the weight. Could be him? She could be hopelessly in love with a fat, emotionally retarded, alcoholic asshole who wants her to desperately be someone she's not. Eh...?
About 14 hrs till polls open CST, good luck west coast.
40
Look, honey, I don't mean to be cruel, but 45 pounds in two years? That's not normal aging, that's an eating disorder. Are you one of those people who eats when they're sad or insecure? If so, look at the circumstances in your life. I see one big change: him, the guy who doesn't love you as you are. So:
Step 1. Lose the guy
Step 2. Lose the weight
Step 3. Find yourself fuckable again, but this time by someone who really digs you, not some fictional indie girl.
Step 1. Lose the guy
Step 2. Lose the weight
Step 3. Find yourself fuckable again, but this time by someone who really digs you, not some fictional indie girl.
41
Your boyfriend is not abusing you by not fucking you. He is abusing you by not fucking you and still dating you. You shouldn't have to change yourself that much for anyone.
It may not be your boyfriend's fault that you feel this way (you are responsible for your own feelings), but it certainly doesn't seem healthy that you are still with him.
There is someone out there (plenty) who like girls just like you, and I can say that without having ever met you. Trust me, all you have to do is put yourself out there.
And vote, it'll make you feel better. And it's sexy.
It may not be your boyfriend's fault that you feel this way (you are responsible for your own feelings), but it certainly doesn't seem healthy that you are still with him.
There is someone out there (plenty) who like girls just like you, and I can say that without having ever met you. Trust me, all you have to do is put yourself out there.
And vote, it'll make you feel better. And it's sexy.
43
Damn, and here I can't meet a nice "indie" girl to save my life. For what its worth I have tried Lovelab twice and have never gotten so much as one nibble.
Life is unfair.
Life is unfair.
44
45lbs? I steadily gained 80lbs in the 6 years following highschool, and at my fattest ever, I met the most awesome dude I've ever encountered. 2 years and 40lbs lighter, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life, and last month I married that guy that didn't care that I was carrying a boatload of extra weight. (I still want to lose the rest though. ;)
45
I'm the guy in similar circumstances in an otherwise successful 20+ year marriage. However, I'm not pushing my wife away; I would rather have more intimacy. (I also don't keep porn around and I don't write about fantasies about other women. Those are both pretty insensitive on his part.)
Two factors in my situation which may or may not be relevant to you.
1) My wife's weight is NOT a turnoff to me. But she has low self esteem about it and tends to reject any attempt on my part to complement her. I, being a typical clueless male, am inept at convincing her that she turns me on (and she does).
2) There are also secondary effects of the weight that also get in the way of intimacy. In her case, a bad back, lack of stamina, and more frequent illnesses. Overweight isn't solely responsible for these but tends to compound them. (She had lost weight at one time and I did see a difference in these secondary factors, so I have some basis in making the link.)
Mostly, take care of yourself. Get yourself into the best shape that you can for the sake of your own health. Learn to love yourself, be your own person, and be willing to accept love. If your boyfriend has a clue he'll see you growing and learn to grow up himself, or run the risk or losing what you have to offer him.
Two factors in my situation which may or may not be relevant to you.
1) My wife's weight is NOT a turnoff to me. But she has low self esteem about it and tends to reject any attempt on my part to complement her. I, being a typical clueless male, am inept at convincing her that she turns me on (and she does).
2) There are also secondary effects of the weight that also get in the way of intimacy. In her case, a bad back, lack of stamina, and more frequent illnesses. Overweight isn't solely responsible for these but tends to compound them. (She had lost weight at one time and I did see a difference in these secondary factors, so I have some basis in making the link.)
Mostly, take care of yourself. Get yourself into the best shape that you can for the sake of your own health. Learn to love yourself, be your own person, and be willing to accept love. If your boyfriend has a clue he'll see you growing and learn to grow up himself, or run the risk or losing what you have to offer him.
48
You gained 45 pounds in 2 years?! To me that shows that not only do you not really care about him, but you don't care about yourself. When people date they should want to look nice for each other. Additionally for health and esteem reasons you should want to keep taht weight off for yourself. By your gaining 45 pounds in two years all you were saying is "I finally got a man, now I don't need to try anymore". It's horrible.
49
Sweetie, please move on. Your boyfriend is obsessed with some other girl. You need to stop trying to make yourself over into this other girl and find someone who likes you as you are.
Someone else noted, you might have a problem with eating. I don't know if that's true or not. But 45 pounds in 2 years sounds like what happened to me, from compulsive overeating--when I was frightened, depressed or lonely. I had therapy, which helped tremendously. You might want to try that, or Overeaters Anonymous.
Someone else noted, you might have a problem with eating. I don't know if that's true or not. But 45 pounds in 2 years sounds like what happened to me, from compulsive overeating--when I was frightened, depressed or lonely. I had therapy, which helped tremendously. You might want to try that, or Overeaters Anonymous.
51
I cannot wait until "hipster" and "indy" are bad words like "alternative" and "youstillgotamulletbitch"! Oh wait, that's already happened! Go get yourself some indie glasses, and a white belt, and some tight black jeans, and dye your hair black. You'll look so different! Douchebags...
52
You're BEAUTIFUL honey, don't let him do this to you! Hold your head up high, walk out the door and enjoy this wonderful life you've been given. Good luck!
53
You teach people how to treat you. If you want something better, then start treating yourself better.
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