I'm standing on the cliff of my mind, looking down into the abyss that I'm not sure I can avoid jumping into. I climbed out of that abyss in 2008 and have been walking steadily away from it since. But now the medicine that dragged me into that horrible place—that is stored in my fat cells—is released every time I lose a considerable amount of weight. I'm down almost 20 pounds in two months, and now the hallucinations have started again. The worst part is that I know I don't notice the personality changes. I don't notice the anger and depression and general haze. It will destroy me, and I'll have no idea it's happening. I've been having trouble in my relationship recently, and to think that my medicine may be the cause sickens me. What's next? When do I fall? Or have I already fallen?