From the Aug 9 – Aug 15, 2001 issue

Columns

I, Anonymous

I am the man you hate. The man who prompts you to write. I am the man who leaves his dog's shit in the park, on the sidewalk, and on your lawn for you to step in. I am the man who fumbles for change on the bus, impeding your progress. I write checks in the fast lane at the grocery store, smoke in crowded, public places, and bring my squealing children to nice restaurants to ruin your dates and anniversaries. I cut in line, talk during movies, and go before my turn at four-way stops. I litter, speed through crosswalks, and let my dog bark outside all night. My car alarm blares at night and in parking lots unattended--all for you.

Why? Because I hate you--all of you silly, pasty-faced, cappuccino-guzzling Seattleites. You are spineless and passive-aggressive, but oh-so-permissive in public, never daring to speak out at injustice or utter a harsh word. Then you unburden yourselves by hiding behind a silly, anonymous column in an amateurish, pulpy magazine. You are pathetic and weak, and I will continue to torture you every day.

--Anonymous

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.

Share via

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Newsvine
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Email
Read more Columns »
 

Commenting was not available when this article was originally published.

Comments (1) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Isn't he the one who's "hiding behind a silly, anonymous column"?
Posted by tillume on December 15, 2008 at 10:58 AM · Report

Add a comment

Most Commented in Columns