From the Jan 24 – Jan 30, 2002 issue

Columns

I, Anonymous

I told you I did not want to kiss you. I told you, when you said you were wondering if you should make the moves on me, that you should not. I was nice enough to let you stay the night when you said you were too drunk to drive home, and it was a bad decision to let you sleep next to me, but I thought you respected me. Waking up to you trying to dry hump me was the second most traumatic waking experience I've had; the first was waking to find my best friend raping me while I was knocked out on drugs. Thanks for the reminder, it made me weep all the way through Christmas. Did you notice the state of paralysis I went into? Obviously not, since you called the next day. You total fucking idiot asshole loser piece of shit. I hope you get an STD.

--Anonymous