There are two ways of knowing that something exciting is about to happen within the "geek community": (1) They squeal. A geek squeal is not the squeal of a regular person. It's high-pitched, uncontrollable, and sounds like an elongated version of a basketball-court tennis-shoe squeak. (2) The smell. When geeks get excited, they emit an aroma not unlike a combination of sweat, burning tires, and Cool Ranch Doritos.

That being said, one can almost smell/hear the stench/squeak of geeks losing their minds over this week's season two premiere of The Walking Dead (AMC, Sun Oct 16, 9 pm). And well they should! This show about a zombie infestation and the human survivors who bash their heads in with rocks was last year's breakout hit. And if internet spoiler spies are correct, you can expect more of the same in season two, including... ROMANCE! (Glenn gets a smoochy love interest!) SURPRISES! (While the show will continue to mirror the original graphic novels, expect a few crazy left turns designed to freak the poop into your pants!) And BASHING ZOMBIES IN THE HEAD WITH ROCKS! (The show knows on which side its bread is buttered... and which side of a zombie's head to bash with a rock... so expect more of that.)

HOWEVER! While I'm certainly a proponent of picking up a large, irregularly shaped piece of cement and SMASHING, SMASHING, SMASHING a goddamn zombie's face into a bloody, unrecognizable pulp—I also realize there's more to life than killing the undead. That's why I offer the following suggestions on how to CREATIVELY kill those zombies that are shambling toward you in the mall while you're trying to pick up a Lady Gaga shirt at Hot Topic.

• KILL THAT ZOMBIE WITH FIRE! Zombies are sloooooow. That's why it's super-easy to douse 'em with gasoline, hold a lit match in front of an aerosol can, and WOOOOOSH! Barbecued zombie! (Pro tip: For extra fun, do it near a glass-enclosed swimming pool and laugh and laugh as their burning bodies bounce off the glass.)

• KILL THAT ZOMBIE WITH A SEGWAY! True... not the most efficient way of killing a zombie. However! For those with patience, there's a peaceful, Zenlike feeling derived from repeatedly running over a zombie on a Segway, until its body is liquefied. Again, just an idea.

• KILL THAT ZOMBIE WITH AN ANGRY DONKEY! There is nothing... nothing funnier than watching an angry donkey kick a zombie in the face. Hold the donkey by the reins and point its hindquarters at a zombie. When the zombie shambles into range, use a long stick with a feather attached to tickle the donkey's anus, and in three... two... one... KABOOM! (Bring extra underpants—you may pee yourself laughing!)

• KILL THAT ZOMBIE WITH LOVE! Bear with me here. Invite the zombie to your Walking Dead screening party. Give it the chair of honor, and offer it a plate of delicious Totino's Pizza Rolls. Then pick up a sharp piece of concrete and BASH, BASH, BASH IT until its head explodes. (What can I say? Sometimes the old ways are the best ways.)