On the other hand, the WB's Jack & Jill (Sundays, 9:00 p.m.) is now a great fawking show, and I say "now" because while it still has the worst actors and scripts, it has become great -- because of what I bring to it. You see, friends, I have discovered a way to markedly improve even the worst TV shows... and I do it with the power of MY MIND.
Let's take Jack & Jill, for instance. Now here is a show that, even though I've watched practically every episode, gives me little to no idea who these people are, or what they do. What I've gathered so far is thus: The main characters are (natch) Jack and Jill, but see, it's the guy whose name is "Jill" (short for David Jillosomething-or-other), and it's the gal whose name is Jack (short for... I'm sure I don't know). Anyway, they're apparently hot for each other, but he can't seem to figure out how to dip his chocolate into her peanut butter.
There are other people in the show, too... there's Simon Rex (yes, the old MTV VJ), and this other guy who looks just like Simon Rex (I don't know his name), and there's one blonde girl who I think used to be Jill's (the guy) ex-girlfriend, and another blonde girl who I think is Jack's (the girl) roommate, and she's supposedly a dancer who kind of looks like Madonna after three facelifts. Okay. So I think Simon Rex likes Jill's (the guy) ex-girlfriend (the first blonde girl), and the second Simon Rex likes the second blonde girl (the stretchy-faced Madonna). Meanwhile, the first blonde is torn between Jill (the guy) and Rex (the VJ), while the second blonde (Jack's [the girl] roommate) is torn between Rex (the second one) and (because she's very vain) herself (also the second one).
As you can probably see, this show is so goddam confusing I've been forced to take matters into my own hands. So IN MY MIND I've given all these people new characters. For example: The second blonde girl (stretchy Madonna) is actually a robot (which would explain her acting style) -- but see, here's the thing.... Nobody else knows! And the two Simon Rexes? They are actually the same person -- with schizophrenia! The first blonde girl is the product of a biotech firm that successfully spliced her genes with a frog, and as for Jack and Jill? Well, Jack actually IS a guy, and Jill actually IS a girl!
Do You See??? Finally??? I've taken what was once a horrible show, and I've turned it into a BRILLIANT show! HAAA! HAAA! HAAA! I have mastered the airwaves! I control television! I am the Lizard King! I can do ANYTHING!! (But don't ask me to do Antiques Roadshow, okay? It's hopeless.)
