Let me tell you something! In these depressing times of economic downturn, it's hard to know where one should invest one's hard-earned money. Of course, the "one" in question certainly isn't ME, because I know EXACTLY where I'm going to invest every penny I make, and that's in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Think about it! Why should we give all our dough-re-mi to those fancypants computer companies? They'll only spend it on computers!! I would much rather see my moo-la-la go into the grubby fist of Joss Whedon--the creator of the greatest show ever, which (if I have not made my point clear enough) is Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

And to celebrate the show that takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin', I've decided to construct a virtually unbeatable Buffy trivia quiz that will stomp the holy crap out of your brain, or as God is my witness, I'll refund your money! Even non-Buffy fans will learn something interesting from this quiz... but if you think you've got something better to do? By all means, go ahead--just remember that I'll hate your guts forever. The answers can be found at the end of this column, so no CHEATING, okay? Good luck, buttercup!

THE BUFFY TRIVIA CHALLENGE EXTRAVAGANZA!

1. Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy) won a 1994 Emmy award for her role as Kendall Hart in what daytime soap?

2. Sarah may be great in Buffy, but she stinks in the movies. In what stinky horror movie did she star alongside her equally stinky Cruel Intentions co-star, Ryan Phillippe?

3. And speaking of stinkers, Sarah is scheduled to appear as Daphne in the film remake of what classic Saturday morning cartoon?

4. But the cheerleading flick, Bring It On? That was a GREAT movie, and while Sarah didn't appear in it, two other Buffy villains did! Name those hot 'n' saucy vixens!

5. In last Tuesday's episode, Buffy had the gall to chop off her beautiful hair. What other WB teen star caused a national uproar after knocking off her locks?

6. In the episode "I Was Made to Love You," what famous celebrity was supposed to play Warren's sexy robot girlfriend, but chickened out at the last minute?

7. What regular Buffy cast member was born in Greenville, CA, and made his/her stage debut as Eeyore in a fourth-grade production of Winnie the Pooh?

8. What monstrous fast food chain actually sued Sarah Michelle Gellar when she was only five years old?

9. This season, producer Joss Whedon has promised to bring back the universally despised character known to many fans as "the Jar-Jar Binks of Buffy." Who is it?