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In Which I Imagine Having a Sweet-Ass Rack

Seriously, What Would It Be Like to Have Huge Breasts?

In Which I Imagine Having a Sweet-Ass Rack

Jungyeon Roh

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I was born on the day before Independence Day, 1982, without a sweet-ass rack.

I have survived, so far, and I lead a relatively normal life.

But there's no getting around the fact that breasts, and their relative size, are a defining characteristic when it comes to women. Along with makeup, crying, and a certain shyness regarding flatulence. As an otherwise-apparent woman almost completely lacking in melons, I've often felt that I'm missing an essential part of the "womanly experience." What would change if I had them? How much more woman would I be? Would I finally develop a passion for body jewelry, very long telephone conversations, and using the word "passion"?

More crucially, how much uninvited public fondling am I missing out on? For example, I've never received the classic greeting in which a man shakes his head vigorously between a woman's god-given pectoral protrusions, like an outboard motor plunged between two quivering Jell-O molds. My therapist says I should let that one go.

Molestation fantasies aside, my absence of fun bags has led to a lifelong desire to understand them. And as Gandhi once said, "To live a day in the heaving bazooms of another is to see life through their areolae."

So let's imagine I have magically grown a set of perfect, luscious boobies. Great nipples, pert but not too large, and definitely NOT those weird Tootsie Roll–style pointers (gross). My fictional titties are also of relative heft, because those are the ones, through market research and staring, I have learned are the most favored.

The average DD knocker weighs eight pounds, according to my keen ability to estimate mass via Google image search. In total, that's an extra 16 pounds now on my frame. Further calculations show that this is roughly equal to a sack of 11 Chipotle burritos or 36 newborn baby dachshunds, which are now swinging jauntily from, slumping off, or standing suspiciously erect upon my chest, depending on my age and my proximity to Los Angeles.

This new addition feels odd for a few reasons.

For one, I am now having to stuff what amounts to 64 snack-size pudding cups into my shirt. And there is no "petite" or "plus" equivalent for women with gigantic honkers but not gigantic everything else. How can a flat-fronted girl like myself and this version we're now picturing with sensuous lady-buoys be expected to wear the same trendy-casual fashion tops?

You're thinking: This is where cleavage comes in. That which cannot get shoved inside must go up.

Let us contemplate cleavage, or the buttocks-shaped object now on my anterior. Cleavage. Man, woman, casting agent—who can but succumb to its charms? When I see breast pressed upon breast, even I want to nestle into those soft hillocks. Which I now know (theoretically) feel like the inside of a new fleece sweatshirt and smell faintly of powdered doughnuts.

What seems to have conversely degraded in appeal is everything above my neckline, which no one looks at when you have harness- requiring mam-mountains. This seems advantageous for those without good looks, or faces. Think of how much I'll save on eye shadow and face insurance.

It's time to try moving in these puppies. Let's start with a light jog. The baby dachshunds, divided into two balloons tied around my neck (18 apiece), swing in an agitated variety of directions with each step.

Seriously, this feels crazy. How do people look at anything else when this is happening? I'm surprised there are only several hundred thousand car accidents (per annum) in this country.

All right, you say. You've had your fun with the pretend love-pillows, but if you're really curious—why don't you just get them?

I've considered it, to be honest. Paying someone to make you irresistibly attractive is much easier than writing for a living. The financial security of elderly perverts is a comfort. And these unsolicited offers for jobs I'm grossly underqualified for are certainly another, um, perk.

In the end, despite credit cards, a flesh-cans fascination, and unreliable self-esteem, I've decided that voluntarily hacking at delicate tissue meant to supply nutrients to my future newborn child in the interest of inserting pouches of jelly that have a 69 percent chance* of exploding (EXPLODING!) inside you is one of those things in life that just gives me the willies, like bugs with too many legs.

And so, in conclusion, imagining having a sweet-ass rack was cool and fun. However, I don't think I'll mourn it too much, mostly since I imagined it.

But the homeless dudes casually jerking off on the light rail while staring at my imaginary jiggle-cannons—those guys, I'm really going to miss. recommended

* Really.

Shirley Hendrickson is, first and foremost, a woman and, secondly, a copywriter at Creature, a Seattle advertising agency. She sincerely apologizes to her mother for the publication of this article.

 

Comments (121) RSS

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121
It's like - a pain in the back and shoulders.
Posted by Armede on April 17, 2013 at 12:28 AM · Report this
120
SEATTLE PEOPLE NEED TO LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP. This article is a HUMOR piece. Get a grip and loosen up a bit. This article is about boobs. BOOBS. Seattle is really full of humorless jerk offs who just want to complain about something. @118 - grow some.
Posted by loosenupSEA on March 11, 2013 at 2:35 PM · Report this
119
I'm a 36ddd naturally. I'd love to know what it's like not to constantly fend off unwanted attention(that is tasteless and not flattering) and also to deal with individuals that assume my large breasts are a sign of lesser intelligence. I use a lot of big words, avoid eye contact with most men when I'm out in public(especially ones that grope me with their eyes), wear baggy shirts, and avoid running and jogging. It's really not very glamorous or fun. I can't imagine why anyone would go to the trouble of having silicone implants! Oh, and I'm single and would love to write for a living. Think I'll stay that way, too: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/01…
Posted by Penn Starr on March 11, 2013 at 4:30 AM · Report this
118
The only good thing about this article is all the intelligent women commenting on it. #116 and all the rest with similar points made my day. The writer of this article is horrible. Advertising doesn't need more people who think like you.
Posted by This is so fucking offensive on March 7, 2013 at 4:29 PM · Report this
117
@116: Hear, hear!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on March 7, 2013 at 12:25 PM · Report this
116
In Which We Remember Feminism

Women’s bodies are constantly sexualized, degraded, and the topic of conversation so often it is an acceptable social practice and discourse; this article is adding insult to injury. I think there is a connection between the way in which we judge others and the way in which we judge ourselves. This author uses body-shaming as a crutch for her own insecurities, which, frankly, seem insincere. As the Stranger is responsible for the content of it's publication, this article should serve as an embarrassment to both you and the author. I think it's important to lay out why.

I agree with the following statement, made by the author in regards to an imagined breast augmentation: “what seems to have conversely degraded in appeal is everything above my neckline.” But not the conclusion she is drawing from it. The general assumption from this piece is that women with big breast don’t have to worry about people judging their minds or their faces (what a relief!) because WOW LOOK AT THOSE BOOBIES. I struggled with this as a young woman, having been told I was “ugly” as a pre-teen but also that I had “big breasts” and wasn’t I lucky? I figured the only way a person would find me attractive is if my “sensuous lady-buoys,” as the author calls them, would distract from my face. It is a terrible way to live your life and a waste of time that too many women fall into. The author seems to think life is easier when women’s breasts distract from their other features. Because this seems to be working for women in general, right?

This article should have concluded with the author realizing that having your body sexualized constantly and in a degrading manner (a la this article) is exhausting, demoralizing, and is not a privilege-maker. But instead she falls into the same old destructive discourse using the female body as a source for subjugation and ridicule. This is middle school bulling wrapped in a VICE-style satire. If you can’t get something published without insulting and degrading people then you are not a good writer. Give women’s breasts and vaginas a break (Howard Stern and Hooters have it covered). And why don’t you back the fuck off homeless people, while you’re at it.
More...
Posted by Riley3543 on March 7, 2013 at 11:40 AM · Report this
shurenka 115
The comments are more interesting and insightful than this article.
Posted by shurenka on March 6, 2013 at 1:31 PM · Report this
114
Oh backless dresses and tops how I dream of u! Not to mention the criss-crossing neckline or wrap around dresses. oh and btw it is not just creeper dudes! wore a tank top to a dyke dance and some little sawed off butch was exactly as tall as my cleavage and felt that this entitled her to park her face directly in my chest. this was a complete stranger! who then uttered the age old line "well what do u expect when u wear such and such" I'm so sorry for wearing a raceback tank top and a full coverage bra in the summer time! forgive me sire!! oh and ever try to wear a tank top with the built in "bra" eeeeek! i wish i could go braless but it is awkward for all involved
Posted by eatin_meat on March 6, 2013 at 12:08 PM · Report this
113
@110 rayraybinks: Your pathetically dateless, illiterate little troll record squeals for itself.
Posted by auntie grizelda on March 6, 2013 at 2:06 AM · Report this
112
Just remember to keep evaluating women by their appearances, people. It's our BODIES that matter,and we need to keep comparing our bodies to other women's bodies and images we see of other women's bodies and what men say they want women's bodies to be like, at all costs. Literally, spend all of your money on that. For the rest of your lives. Teach your children to expect the same. WE'VE GOT VALUES TO UPHOLD HERE FOLKS.
Posted by heatherly on March 6, 2013 at 12:55 AM · Report this
111
Dear Shirley- I do not pretend to speak for guys general but I am a mn who actually prefers small breasts. As for silicone- no thanks!
Posted by puppyman on March 5, 2013 at 11:51 PM · Report this
110
auntie gee shut the f up! your corniness is suffocating like when u get stuck up your pet pig's ass.
Posted by rayray on March 5, 2013 at 10:38 PM · Report this
109
After a re-read, I can't believe I missed these posts!
@48: You're very fortunate.
@50: I agree!! Where is Lindy West????

Shirley, believe me, you do NOT want D+ sized breasts!
If you're still not convinced, you're a hopeless bimbo
who will find out painfully when suddenly your back is
killing you, and "cute little sex kitten" clothes look ridiculous
on you.

Lindy---please come back!!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on March 5, 2013 at 10:24 PM · Report this
108
@107 hoopla: I agree; this article really is awful---especially the tasteless artwork.
You have my sympathy, as well. I can certainly relate (see my comment @22).
Posted by auntie grizelda on March 5, 2013 at 10:13 PM · Report this
107
I really have to say, being 5'2, 32 DD, and the first in my class at a young age to get breasts (and large ones) you really have not missed much. I have so much back pain, so much un-wanted attention, not to mention I can never find clothes that fit or are flattering blah blah blah things already said on here. Oh, and I forgot the whole being objectified by older men thing that some times happens around 14 or so (which happens too often.)

Trust me, you are not missing out, but I am really wishing I skipped out on this article. Woweee was this 'off-ful'.

Posted by hoopla on March 5, 2013 at 9:31 PM · Report this
106
I'm a 6'3" black man with a small penis, *Deep sigh* I can relate on many levels. Having said that, I wouldn't change it for the world! I know that if I had had a fairy godmother/father and gotten all that I believed I wanted I would be ded, daid, mort, fin, dead! Why? because I would have been a whore monger, a doper (hard shit) and an altogether reckless Ass Wipe!!!
Posted by Imok on March 5, 2013 at 12:16 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 105
@99 And if I was a scat fetishist, I'd say purple suit guy was covered with shit smears.

You're projecting. Go watch a Bailey Jay video.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on March 5, 2013 at 8:39 AM · Report this
104
For pure visual and tactile aesthetics, C-cup is best, B-cup a close runner-up.

Double-D's? Excessive.

Just one dude's opinion.

Posted by Functional Atheist on March 5, 2013 at 2:41 AM · Report this
103
Lil' boobs are sexy! Sexy! Sexy!
Posted by Noah Campbell on March 4, 2013 at 9:53 PM · Report this
102
The Internet's super mad at you about this, Shirley.
Posted by dhammy on March 4, 2013 at 9:37 PM · Report this
101
So next week we'll read the article by a dude who dreams of swinging a big donkey stick? Really? Who greenlighted the stream of consciousness SimCity / catfish Craigslist article as a feature? C'mon now.

Bill Cosby review says: "Theo, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life."
Posted by Dr. Huxtable on March 4, 2013 at 8:27 PM · Report this
100
Was kind of hoping the reporter would don a fair of fake breasts and make some observations on how she was treated differently (if at all). Then she wouldn't have to imagine!
Posted by rockinrobbiesf on March 4, 2013 at 2:11 PM · Report this
99
Say whatever else you want about "Having a Sweet-Ass Rack", but we've had close to 100 comments, and no one else has pointed out the illustration's rightward pointing chub and tight sack.
Posted by Some Things Can't Be Unseen on March 4, 2013 at 11:31 AM · Report this
98
This article fails on every level. Who is writing for and editing The Stranger these days? I know you are free and all but you play yourself off as a forward thinking, liberal community and then you feature articles that objectify women and set us all back to 1960s era sexism. You know you can do better. And all you ladies commenting on how tragic big breasts are, all you are doing is shaming yourself. Breasts are great. No matter what the size. They look good, they feel great with stimulation during sex and they nourish the young ones. What more even matters?
Posted by thatsaragirl on March 4, 2013 at 8:21 AM · Report this
97
New low Stranger. How did this inane feature ever get past whatever "editorial review" process you have? Stupid title, no depth and poorly written. Bonus points for creating a forum for dudes to expound on their "ideal" female body type and just a general discussion where women are reduced to parts. Gross.
Posted by bellelaide on March 4, 2013 at 8:05 AM · Report this
96
This is the worst feature article the stranger has put out since the one where they basically called some guy a murderer in print and showed pictures of the inside of his victim's body.
Posted by justtwice on March 4, 2013 at 12:24 AM · Report this
95
Wow. Someone in advertising tried to write something and it came out having about as much soul as a press release. What a surprise.
Posted by justthisonce on March 4, 2013 at 12:18 AM · Report this
94
@93: Go back to your cave and stay there.
Posted by auntie grizelda on March 3, 2013 at 8:38 PM · Report this
93
by third paragraph realized by my incessant yawning that this was a chick article worthy of a boo hoo session ala oprah. u guys should be put a warning sticker on this kind of thing "for women only...similar to tampon commercial..."
Posted by rayray on March 3, 2013 at 6:19 PM · Report this
92
I will echo the sentiments of many other large-breasted women here - not all their cracked up to be. Hard to find clothes, have to use powder constantly because you sweat under there (will leave it at that), etc.

And some men are breast men, some aren't - it's not like all men stare at your chest when you have big boobies.
Posted by transient on March 3, 2013 at 6:14 PM · Report this
91
Shirley,
I will forever imagine you with the rack of your dreams. And they will be the relatively more compliant, nonexplosive less weighty and permanently perfect variety that can only exist in the imaginations of men and lesbians.
Posted by George Robertson on March 3, 2013 at 5:23 PM · Report this
90
This article is disgusting. This woman clearly DOESN'T want a "sweet ass rack" as she equates it to 64 snack pudding cups shoved in her shirt. She highlights all the bad things about big breasts and pretends like that's not what she's doing. Yes, there are cons to having big breasts, but you know what? I wear a 36DDD and I love it. Yes, jogging can be painful. No, I can't wear a size small shirt. But who cares? I look great, I feel great, I am a woman and I am proud of my body. Ladies with small breasts should be too! Yes, there may be a stereotype that femininity means having big boobs, but let's rise above that, ok? There are people out there who appreciate all body types, from small and petite to bbw. But let's be kind, be caring, be good people...let's not just be bodies.
Posted by be proud of who you are! on March 3, 2013 at 3:24 PM · Report this
89
Boobies are nice, but I'm more of a vagina man, myself.
Posted by ctmcmull on March 2, 2013 at 6:50 PM · Report this
Sea Otter 88
I have 34 B's (or A's depending on the time of month) and am skinny everywhere except my butt and thighs, which are monumental in comparison. It's not so easy on this side of the fence either. I don't feel like the ability to jog or the freedom from unwanted and creepy attention makes up for years of feeling like an unattractive, unfeminine freak. Honestly, I'd get implants if I could afford 'em.
Posted by Sea Otter on March 2, 2013 at 4:27 PM · Report this
87
I have 38 DDs and I love them! Yes, it's hard to get shirts that fit. Yes, I've been groped by strangers. Yes, men stare. But they are fabulous! I have found a way to dress that flatters me. I can spot a groper from a mile away. And I just smile in return (though to be fair, many don't notice my smile.)
Posted by klassy with a k on March 2, 2013 at 2:35 PM · Report this
86
The largest breast implants are 850 cc and weigh less than two pounds, so all the weight comparisons are exaggerated by a factor of four.
Posted by FrankChess on March 2, 2013 at 12:27 PM · Report this
mAlissa 85
this article would be better if it was funny. but it's not.
Posted by mAlissa on March 2, 2013 at 9:44 AM · Report this
84
Size doesn't matter.
Posted by notfromaroundhere on March 2, 2013 at 7:36 AM · Report this
83
Why are people apologizing for their big boobs? I love my big boobs. Some men love them, too. Some men don't. Some girls will, some girls won't. Is it a crime to be attractive in this city, or something? Yes, one day the boobs will fall, as do all the mighty. (Oh how the mighty have fallen.) Them's the breaks. But it hurts me, HURTS ME, I say, to hear women apologizing for having nice, big tits. For fuck's sake, you live with those things every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Love them. If you have small boobs, love them. Didn't this town used to be full of hippies? Peace, love, and boobs? Love your damn boobs and get on with your life.
Posted by boob lover on March 2, 2013 at 7:00 AM · Report this
82
@79 FunkybertLove and @80 focus: Thank you both, and bless you!
Posted by auntie grizelda on March 2, 2013 at 12:22 AM · Report this
81
@38 Fuzzies: You're a size 36C? I envy you, and that you don't get any shit!! You're fortunate, too, to have such a supportive boyfriend who loves you for whom you are, and not by your shape and size. Congrats to you both!

I wasn't putting women like you down. This isn't to make you or anyone else feel bad, but just imagine being treated and left feeling like a big, clumsy Saint Bernard in among dachshunds. That's what adolescence was like for me. I was the first girl in my sixth grade class to require a bra, and wear glasses. Then my much older, cute little cheerleader sisters became dental hygienists and convinced our mother that I also "needed" braces and full head gear, too. At age twelve, I was already getting cruelly tormented at school just for wearing glasses. If my mother had gotten her way at the local orthodontist's office, I may have seriously considered committing suicide 36 years ago.
No bitterness, here---I'm just sharing.
Posted by auntie grizelda on March 2, 2013 at 12:19 AM · Report this
80
I am a man who finds breasts irresistable, but an awe-inspiring pair, magical though that may be, cannot rival the qualities of happiness, self-assurance, self-awareness, intelligence, creativity, compassion, sensitivity, charm, humor, sense of adventure, and raw beautiful feminine energy that are the core of what makes a woman compelling to me. All other things being truly equal though, my personal preference is clear: I simply know that some combination of evolution and random chance has wired my particular brain to feel incredibly good in the presence of certain physical attributes. Are my preferences any less arbitrary than that of a female peacock for the male's ridiculous and useless array of feathers? Probably not. Are they still a useful indicator of health and survival probabilities for future offspring? Not in this day and age.

So I have an idea. Instead of passing ridiculous moral judgements on each other in the guise of snarky articles and comments, lets all accept that we are all wired in similar yet slightly different ways and get on with the business of making each other feel as good as we possibly can.

Personally, I want a woman who likes breasts as much as I do. If she happens to want to make them bigger out of a desire to explore and enrich her experience of her self, her life, and those around her, then she is truly exhibiting irrestible qualities, and that is something that I respect and celebrate. But if she is happy with her current physical embodiment as it is, thats great too.

It is sad that proper support garments are still so hard to come by... Making custom, perfectly form-fitting clothing is now economically feasible for creative individuals, so making the perfect bra for a reasonable price shouldn't be that much harder. 3d-scanner + optitex + laser cutter = awesome breast-positive business?? I'll do tech if someone else wants to handle marketing, materials, and assembly.
More...
Posted by focus on March 2, 2013 at 12:06 AM · Report this
79
Humans and their bodies..

The fact that we can reason is why we even care. Reasoning creates creepos.. although the attraction to breasts is understandable due to brain function for procreation. It is in modern society that this concept is completely distorted.

Do native peoples gawk at large breats? good question.. probably not..

Its based on repression.

We can not see the breasts in our society. They are "forbidden".

This leads to obvious perversion.

I will admit.. I love breasts.. but I love ALL breasts.

I will beat off to every size and shape. My preference is puffy nipples and large areolas, but why??? I have wondered..

Who cares?? its my fantasy.. not yours..

Just keep it respectable guys.

Don't gawk at the ladies. Don't be creepos.

A woman once told me.. "Women know exactly where their breasts are at all times" .. meaning they know when, how, who, and what is looking, touching, speaking, or wondering about them.. its only natural ;)

Enjoy the beauty that is a woman.
Posted by FunkybertLove on March 1, 2013 at 10:55 PM · Report this
78
This writing is not deep enough. it jumps all over the place (cleavage, fashion, trying-too-hard synonyms for breasts). SH, try writing another story that starts with your insecurity or worry, whatever it is, and follow that thread into the heart of the matter, fearlessly.
Posted by East Egg on March 1, 2013 at 10:18 PM · Report this
77
raku @31, for the awesome comment.
Posted by Eric from Boulder on March 1, 2013 at 8:23 PM · Report this
76
Boooooo! This article sucks.
Posted by Totalpukoid on March 1, 2013 at 8:20 PM · Report this
MK1 75
I love my big boobs. They are my Safe Place. Whenever I'm worried or stressed I immediately put my hands down my shirt and hold them. Curiously, my husband has the same reaction.
Posted by MK1 on March 1, 2013 at 4:37 PM · Report this
74
I don't care about size. I guess you could call me a breastual-omnivore. I try not to stare. It seems impolite. I scold men that do. An old gf and her mom once noticed a well endowed woman, and I asked what they were talking about, and her mom said, "don't pretend like you didn't notice, YOU'RE A MAN!" I was pretty offended. Not only did I not get to see the hot woman, but I was accused of being unable to do so. It's the patriarchy, it hurts us all.
Posted by scratchmaster joe on March 1, 2013 at 1:59 PM · Report this
GQbd 73
I love me some righteous cleavage as much as any man, but every woman should know that her sexiest attribute is her smile. Turn it on, darlings, and brighten our day!

Y'all can write that down
Posted by GQbd on March 1, 2013 at 1:46 PM · Report this
72
Always a B-cup until my first pregnancy brought me double-D's. Be careful what you wish for.
Posted by Marrena on March 1, 2013 at 1:41 PM · Report this
MaryBlair 71
I appreciate the fact that so many women have found it possible to use this comment space as a forum for discussion about breast reduction! They're turning this article into an opportunity to talk about something that ails them: large breast issues. However, I totally agree with #63; the sentence about boobs being a defining characteristic of women is very insutling when paired with "makeup, crying, and a certain shyness regarding flatulence". Really? Must being a woman be trivialized like this? I wasn't aware another woman wanted to reduce the defninition of her existance to a lame, terse stereotype.
Posted by MaryBlair on March 1, 2013 at 11:28 AM · Report this
70
A 'dd cup' means nothing without a given band size.

Examples: a 40DD is the same volume as a 32G. A 32DD = 38B = 40A in volume. Yes, a 32DD and a 38B bra have the same cup volume. One just has a shorter band than the other.

Posted by Faustineli on March 1, 2013 at 10:37 AM · Report this
69
Are you a fucking idiot? Apparently, yes, yes you are. I can't believe The Stranger printed this total piece of crap.
Posted by Heather-Jane on March 1, 2013 at 9:26 AM · Report this
68
Tits are awesome. Don't be uptight if we stare. You can stare at our junk too.
Posted by Boobies on March 1, 2013 at 3:32 AM · Report this
67
I'm considering a breast reduction because my triple d's hurt, don't really match my 125 pound, 5'5 body, require a corset (literally a hook and eye corset) to run, my bras leave marks on my shoulders, I have back, neck and shoulder pain and I get lots of comments from gross old men and more than one guy has tried to feel me up or go down my shirt, down my bra to feel them. Trust me, you ain't missing anything!
Posted by 30ddd on February 28, 2013 at 10:45 PM · Report this
inquiastador 66
Seriously this is the lead article? And it is only one page at that? Who cares? I mean, really?
Posted by inquiastador on February 28, 2013 at 10:25 PM · Report this
65
@34 - wow, your third wife is a very lucky woman.

anywho, whatever our physical attributes or station in life, we all experience angst growing up, and its impossible to rate one kind of angst over the other. boobs too big, not big enough. penis too big too small. too tall. too short. too skinny too heavy. funny nose. funny shaped arse. flat ass. the list goes on. other than a bit of public therapy, i dont know what the purpose of this article is.
Posted by Cassette tape fan on February 28, 2013 at 6:53 PM · Report this
64
Just One Question: Which drunk stranger editor accidentally greelighted this highschool-level free-association exercise? You can't say much for the quality of the content, but at least its all spelled correctly!
Posted by RhymesWithFnarf on February 28, 2013 at 6:18 PM · Report this
63
Sorry, this is such a stupid topic for an article. I am ashamed that a woman would write about "boobs as a defining characteristic of women." Grow up and stop letting chauvinist pigs brain-wash you into buying into such an immature POV. We worked so hard for decades so women would have equal pay for equal work and be taken seriously no matter what profession you wanted to practice, and this is what you do with it?
Posted by BeingPresent on February 28, 2013 at 6:01 PM · Report this
62
@61 Actually, every comment to which you're objecting was written by a lesbian.*

Now, I agree that a think piece on having huge breasts could and perhaps should be a safe place for women to discuss exactly that, but you can not have a "Sweet-Ass Rack" without the admiring (not necessarily male) gaze.

It does seem that you are faulting Shirley Hendrickson, and I guess rightly to your way of thinking, but if the admiring gaze is required (for the aforementioned "Sweet-Ass Rack"), why are you labeling those providing it as gross (or male)?

*Okay. Probably not.**

**By which I mean clearly not.
Posted by Fucking A Solid Set Of Tits Jokes Up on February 28, 2013 at 5:15 PM · Report this
61
I mean, at least you brought out a bunch of gross men to talk about how this affects THEM and what THEY want from women for all the world to see.
Posted by standardheart on February 28, 2013 at 3:58 PM · Report this
60
So you couldn't have just like, asked one of us who has them what it's like? Or a brace of us? This really seems like a blog entry when it could have been an actual article.
Posted by standardheart on February 28, 2013 at 3:51 PM · Report this
59
Meh. I'm a leg man.
Posted by TheBadSeed131313 on February 28, 2013 at 3:01 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 58
Oh, and you won't be doing any bouncing while sitting in a boat! So that's a plus.

Also, no drooling guys are likely to be half a mile off-shore.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on February 28, 2013 at 1:21 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 57
Was this ramble planned before Sunday, or is this an attempt to get back at Seth MacFarlane by making boobs boring?

Experiment for back pain sufferers: try regular kayaking. Done right (don't lean back on the seat, sit up tall and do the stroke mostly by twisting from your waist and pulling back with your shoulder, minimize sawing with your arms), paddling mostly trains the muscles of your upper back and abdominal obliques.

I am not an orthopedist, but it's worth a shot. Can't hurt to minimize those slumped shoulders...
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on February 28, 2013 at 1:15 PM · Report this
56
@39-I actually had it back in Arizona where I'm from at the Mayo Clinic. It was kind of ridiculous (as most healthcare related things are), where I had it while I was visiting my parents for Christmas. They gave me the option of having it Dec 31, for $8k (pre-insurance rate), or Jan 1 for $25k because the prices were increasing with the new year. That was almost 5 years ago though, so I'm unsure of the costs now.
Posted by erasedk on February 28, 2013 at 12:52 PM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 55
I would just like to point out that while we may be compelled, as a moth to the flame, to check out heaving bosoms, we usually have the decency to merely get a quick glimpse, and typically do not start drooling all over ourselves.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on February 28, 2013 at 12:19 PM · Report this
54
@ 38 Welcome to how I've felt pretty much every day of my life. I assure you that small preference is still a minority and the fact that they speak up every now and then is pretty much the only way I can work up the body confidence to be physically intimate. It's sad that 1) women are pressured to stake so much of their self worth in their bodies 2) that body type diversity can't be celebrated without body bashing. I aggressively envy the way a full bouncy chest looks and the positive attention it gets. But I also like the way mine look and the logistical ease and portability of them. It's about time everyone stopped snarking and just celebrated the positive advantages of all of the tatas.
Posted by lizzilla on February 28, 2013 at 11:54 AM · Report this
53
lol I'm in the same flat chested, puzzled/fascinated boat. I imagine it must be like carrying around like this magical baby bjorn of flesh on my chest that results in a male attention tractor beam. It's really annoying to be doing the best with the charms you have only to have a rack walk into a half mile radius and any man you're talking to react like the "squirrel" dog from UP...but I imagine having the magical "squirrel" attention diverting power grows old really quickly.
Posted by lizzilla on February 28, 2013 at 11:35 AM · Report this
52
@50 "This article just feeds into the idea that women are objects, objects that can be broken down into more objects for men to jerk off too."

For most people in the street, you are exactly an object, perhaps one of desire, derision, disgust, empathy or just one that needs to get the fuck out of the way, lady, I am busy doing my people shit here in the streets...

The point being, that this limited perception of you, expresses a limit in those perceiving you, and should not enforce a limit in or upon you. In fact, for most of these limited interactions, those limitations to the extent they are imposed are self-imposed.

Your perception of these men, reducing you to only a sexual object and merely a collection of sex parts, even correctly, is a reduction of them, at least in your internal estimation, into objects themselves. Please note that I don't mean this as an excuse or a rebuke, but merely as an acknowledgement that most of the population of the world is simply a collection of objects to each of us.

For the most part, this shouldn't be a problem unless if the interaction is prolonged but does include the increasing recognition of the multiple facets, wider field of meaning and shared person-hood of those people involved.
Posted by Fucking A Solid Set Of Tits Jokes Up on February 28, 2013 at 9:59 AM · Report this
51
This comment section is where all the chicks with big tits congregate. Yum yum.
Posted by meb on February 28, 2013 at 7:47 AM · Report this
50
I miss Lindy West and articles by women in the stranger that were BODY POSITIVE. This article just feeds into the idea that women are objects, objects that can be broken down into more objects for men to jerk off too. I love the stranger, but wow, i like it a lot less seeing this article as the main feature.
Posted by laughtooloud on February 28, 2013 at 7:39 AM · Report this
49
john in Ballard does have it right. A big advantage to bring 34B is indeed the ability to weed out dbags.
Posted by vainintrain on February 27, 2013 at 11:37 PM · Report this
48
I had a reduction about 15 years ago. I should have done it before, but I didn't realize that insurance would pay for it. ( I also was well past having any more children)
I was about a DD+ at the time & told my Dr I didn't want to have to wear a bra ever again!
She did leave more than that on, & I swear that some must have grown back because I am still a DD, but it is so much better than it was.
( I also still really don't need to wear a bra other than those tank tops with elastic.
It is fabulous)
I wish I had known in high school that I wouldn't have to go through life with boobs that were too big for my body.
Posted by emeraldkity on February 27, 2013 at 11:34 PM · Report this
47
I think you should take this idea further. I believe it would lead to a additional article or three if you do follow through on it. I read about a company that makes molds for women and some men but mainly for women to see how certain surgeries would affect their bodies. The point is you could actually try out a sweet ass rack for a few days or a week at your luxury and have a more defining experience without actually any cutting taking place on any skin. Working in the industry you do it should be possible to find the right special effects person who can do the mold and mockup or know someone that can. A simple breast mold and supporting "skin" any size you see fit. Try more than one. It would look realistic and would feel completely natural.Blended in with soft and natural materials.
Do this. You know you want to. It could spawn a few articles and a few you tube videos.

I know whoever did the special effects for that episode of Sons of Anarchy where the transexual was played by the bad guy Boyd Crowder from the show Justified , did and amazing job on his boob work and over all look.
You should look into it. It wouldn't take long and I bet it would be fun and insightful.
Posted by BriaMoore on February 27, 2013 at 10:55 PM · Report this
46
I have to say that the whole big boobs thing is way overblown. Fake boobs look like crap, and big ones are pretty nasty looking in a few years. Most guys I talk to would rather focus on a woman who is in fairly good shape, and not a disgusting fatty. Fat women (or men) show the world that they don't respect themselves enough (or are too lazy) to stay healthy, and that is the biggest turnoff of all...
Posted by Average guy on February 27, 2013 at 8:53 PM · Report this
45
I have to say that the whole big boobs thing is way overblown. Fake boobs look like crap, and big ones are pretty nasty looking in a few years. Most guys I talk to would rather focus on a woman who is in fairly good shape, and not a disgusting fatty. Fat women (or men) show the world that they don't respect themselves enough to stay healthy, and that is the biggest turnoff of all...
Posted by Just an average guy on February 27, 2013 at 8:52 PM · Report this
biffp 44
@43, amen. I'd rather have anything real. I can't imagine the attention fake ones get is positive. Guys can be gross, and I feel terrible for a 13 year-old who had to endure attention from gross old guys.
Posted by biffp on February 27, 2013 at 8:17 PM · Report this
43
The most beautiful breasts in the world are the ones Mother Nature gave you. Fake ones just look stupid, in spite of what Hugh Hefner likes.
Posted by glennphilly on February 27, 2013 at 7:44 PM · Report this
Roma 42
Breasts are like ice cream cones. Regardless of the size, they're delicious to lick.
Posted by Roma on February 27, 2013 at 6:19 PM · Report this
41
and these dudes telling us what their ideals are with a female body is grody to the max. So glad I'm a woman and don't walk around d constantly judging things about the opposite sex about which they have no control over.
Posted by vainintrain on February 27, 2013 at 6:08 PM · Report this
40
is is strange to want a motorboat? I do feel cheated somehow...
Posted by vainintrain on February 27, 2013 at 5:54 PM · Report this
39
@25: Where did you have your breast reduction surgery done? I'm seriously considering it if it's not too expensive. Unfortunately, most procedures are.

@35 Doofus McScumbag: Trolls like you are why I'm so glad I lost interest in dating years ago, and don't miss it.
Posted by auntie grizelda on February 27, 2013 at 4:50 PM · Report this
38
I have an average chest (36C) but I have heard so much backlash against big breast praise over the years that I've come to loathe my own. Entire threads about how so many men PREFER a very small chest. About how many women are so happy they can exercise, sleep on their bellies, etc etc with ease. It actually made me sad to see people lifting up one group of people while trying to put down another. Sort of like the "real women have curves" mantra. It's super shitty to me (even as a bit overweight) to hear people put down skinny women in order to lift up larger women. Can't that be done without disparaging thin women?

Can't people appreciate a slimmer body type, smaller boobs without making women with bigger boobs feel like they're now inadequate? I know large breasts have been held up by society as desirable. But I feel like fewer women end up feeling better because of that than women who are just made uncomfortable by the focus on their and others' cleavage.

Even with an average or so chest, I was painfully shy and uncomfortable in my skin as a youth. I realize this is not a unique situation. But it was so acutely felt. And the last thing I wanted was any kind of attention. Even today I still get bummed every time I come across a discussion about flat chests and everybody seems to be playing up all the benefits. Hey, I don't get any of those even without a super large bust. Running is a pain in the ass, clothes fit weirdly, and they attract just enough attention to make me uncomfortable.

Today, I would choose a cute flat chest over the slightly-odd-shaped large-ish breasts I have now. My boyfriend would argue with me, but it ultimately doesn't matter what he thinks. It comes down to what I think and how I feel about my body. And I'm still mostly uncomfortable ::sigh::
More...
Posted by Fuzzles on February 27, 2013 at 4:35 PM · Report this
37
If a woman has a nice body most guys don't care about breasts. A hard, flat stomach with medium to large boobs is ideal. If a girl is in good shape then small boobs are a non-issue to me, although lots of "flatter" girls have seemed self-conscious about the issue to me. Girls with larger breasts often treat them like they've done something right, which is usually compensation for them weighing more than they should. I can only think of a handful, pun untended, of girls I know who are a healthy weight that had extremely disproportionate breasts. The crackhead body type grosses out most guys, as does a large Bobandy stomach acting as a perch for large saggy boobs. One thing all guys can agree on is that fat chicks with no boobs are gross, you look like a giant egg ladies.
Posted by carnut63 on February 27, 2013 at 4:08 PM · Report this
36
Ah, you made the breast implant failure rate up like everything else! I was thinking 'That's an insane failure rate!'.
Posted by Big Harv on February 27, 2013 at 3:57 PM · Report this
35
Gotta love the subtle misogyny and overt objectification from my fellow male commenters.

Hey, ladies - we're totally jerking off to your big boob sob stories. Your tears just us harder.
Posted by Diggum McFunbags on February 27, 2013 at 3:44 PM · Report this
Trailltrader 34
No Ma'm- you do not want large boobs. My first wife looked exactly like Linda Carter but wanted sex with everyone. Like a sports car, every guy wanted to ride it- and she required a lot of cash, and a great deal of maintance. Now my 3rd wife isn't a sporty, nor is she a truck. She's like a Camray- starts every time, reliable, even if she looks like a brick. Better to have a brick than a pain in the ass.
Posted by Trailltrader on February 27, 2013 at 3:28 PM · Report this
Ballard Pimp 33
I love boobs a lot.

We all love boobs a lot.

And big boobs, a big lot.
Posted by Ballard Pimp on February 27, 2013 at 3:23 PM · Report this
julie russell 32
I have had an ample C cup since 5th grade...and I love em. The universe gave me great tits and a goofy looking face. I can work w/ that.
When teased in 5th grade by a chubby kid (named Mark Hansen, who chanted
"44 Double D" at me, I laughed and replied " whatever...yours are bigger than mine".
I knew then that boobs were awesome...and would serve me well. Thanks, boobs!
Posted by julie russell http:// on February 27, 2013 at 3:21 PM · Report this
raku 31
I wonder what type of women's bodies arouse or disgust random men on the Internet? If only they would be so kind enough to say once in a while.
Posted by raku on February 27, 2013 at 3:14 PM · Report this
30
@dbv--talk to them now. With mine, it didn't matter your age, just that you had 'proof' of health issues (I had years of going to the chiropractor and acupuncture for boob-related injuries). Mine also had a 'minimum tissue removal', which was about 2 pounds of tissue removed per breast. Which seems like a lot (and it is), but I am still a DD.
Posted by erasedk on February 27, 2013 at 2:53 PM · Report this
29
A woman without boobs is scary. No one wants to make love to a stickfigure. I would rather date a big girl with boobs than a fit flatchested chick.
Posted by I'm a stranger on February 27, 2013 at 2:46 PM · Report this
28
Thanks, Shirley. Though I was hoping you'd go back to food blogging.
Posted by f-logging? on February 27, 2013 at 2:32 PM · Report this
27
Over the course of the past 10 years I've gone from a D to a G, thanks to various reasons (mainly breastfeeding and a weight gain/loss cycle, but just getting older figures in there too), and I am still bemoaning the first set of vintage clothes I gave away because I out-chested them (I've gone through two more iterations of this since that first painful separation).

I've gone from being able to walk into pretty much any store and buy a nice frilly feminine looking bra to going to Nordstroms and asking "Do you have anything that won't make me feel like a grandmother that's under $75?" And there's no thing as an exercise bra that keeps me from bobbling painfully if I try to do anything other than moderately fast walking.

I like to imagine how things will be when and if I finally get to the point where I can talk my insurance company into a reduction, skipping the years in between then and now where they gain a few more cup sizes and I get all the "joys" that go with it.
Posted by dbv on February 27, 2013 at 2:17 PM · Report this
26
It's not the size of the breasts that I'm attracted to, it's their shape and how proportional they are to the rest of a woman's body. I've generally preferred smaller, even really small, boobs. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Posted by turtlemilk on February 27, 2013 at 2:15 PM · Report this
25
I cannot tell enough women that my only regret in regards to my breast reduction is that I didn't do it sooner. I'm 25. Your life will change completely. If it is financially feasible (check your insurance too), do it.
Posted by erasedk on February 27, 2013 at 2:08 PM · Report this
24
Yeah, big boobs definitely have their ups and downs (sorry bad pun). I didn't become a D/DD (depending on where my weight is) until I was a little older (late teens) and I definitely noticed a difference in terms of the daily leering and crass comments. Seriously, guys, miming the way my boobs bounce when I move is humiliating. Especially on top of the unsolicited groping and hugging.

Then again, being 5'11 with big boobs always made me self conscious, and feel a lot larger than shorter, petite girls. I wonder if I lost 20 pounds or so (I am curvy, not thin but not noticeably overweight), if I would miss them? I have a feeling I would despite the harassment. Although, I constantly see guys my height or taller going for tiny girls. Not to begrudge them, but it does occasionally make me wish I could trade in my tall hourglass figure...

Also, not all big boobs are created equal in the sag department. Some do defy gravity better.
Posted by ash-g on February 27, 2013 at 2:06 PM · Report this
23
As a man who likes women, I equate big breasts to sprinkles on a cupcake. Sure it looks nice, but even without them you've still got plenty going for you. It's for show, but it really doesn't matter. I've dated women with big and small breasts, and I didn't really care either way. I'd be lying if I said I don't notice them, but it ranks so far down the list of things I'd look for as far as female attractiveness.

Most of my male friends don't really seem to care that much either. If small breasts are a deal breaker for a guy, chances are he's probably a D-bag anyways so look at it as a good way to weed them out.
Posted by John In Ballard on February 27, 2013 at 2:02 PM · Report this
22
@21: You and all size D+ commentators have my deepest heartfelt sympathy.
WHY do so many men and boys think we WANT mean-spirited crap like that?

I'm V-shaped with broad shoulders, and ended up with not only the height but the boobs in my family. Growing up with a small-framed, small breasted mother and cute, little cheerleader sisters who had no problem with getting dates was awkward as hell. I kept getting cruelly compared to the three of them, and have been unfairly called "fat" for most of my life because of my large bone structure. I couldn't wait for high school to be over.
Posted by auntie grizelda on February 27, 2013 at 1:26 PM · Report this
21
Try four years of high school with a size 0 frame and DDD tits. NOT FUN.
Posted by blablabla on February 27, 2013 at 12:56 PM · Report this
20
As a 34 DDD, I would just like to say that I don't find it flattering to have perfect strangers staring at my tits. I don't care if the homeless guy thing was a joke - it's not funny. Just because my body is shaped a certain way doesn't mean that everyone gets a free pass to ogle it.
Also, I hope imaginary you never liked button-down shirts, because forget EVER wearing one again that wasn't custom tailored.
Posted by tripleDme on February 27, 2013 at 12:52 PM · Report this
motofly 19
Having big boobs has not been easy. The ridicule in high school. The shame in college. Having to dress in baggy clothes. It was tough. But I'm dude so maybe that's different.
Posted by motofly on February 27, 2013 at 12:34 PM · Report this
18
This article seems to conflate "A Sweet-Ass Rack" with "Huge Breasts", which are not the same things, exactly, although the venn diagram overlaps so much that I can't even come up with a solid set of tits jokes about it.
Posted by Fucking A Solid Set Of Tits Jokes Up on February 27, 2013 at 12:32 PM · Report this
LaPuerta 17
There are very few advantages to big boobs. Like everyone else has said, you can't easily run/jump/climb stairs. Also forget yoga, as they will inevitably end up getting in your way. Want to tie your shoes? good luck seeing them over your massive boobs, which, along with your knee, will make this difficult. You look fatter than you are, strangers ask you if they are fake and bras mostly only come in dull "full figured" colors like beige, black and white with enormous straps across the back. Forget going braless in public, or anywhere, really. Gravity works faster on big boobs, and they will only be perky when in harness. Add not being able to lay/sleep comfortably on your stomach, terrible back pain while washing dishes (and in general), the fact that any shirt that isn't a turtleneck makes you look like you're an exhibitionist and all other shirts are too short because the fabric is all used up covering your boobs so you constantly have to pull up/down to make sure you're not popping out. I could go on forever. I would trade in my giant boobs for a flat chest just about any day of the week. Besides, if someone's just interested in you for your rack, do you really want to date them anyway (homeless wanker or otherwise)?
Posted by LaPuerta on February 27, 2013 at 12:25 PM · Report this
16
I read this article with thinking that maybe The Stranger actually took a legitimate jab at the struggle society has in regards to breasts.

I figured it would have information about implant pricing, the different types of implants/methods of surgery, breast REDUCTION information, (because oversized breasts cause back problems) some sort of statistics in regards to the effects having larger breasts have on womens employment, a case study/pyschological reference to confidence... SOMETHING.

Nope. Instead the author poked fun at the topic, using "a keen ability to estimate mass via google image search" and writing nothing but speculation. The closest thing to fact is, "an extra 16 lbs now on my frame" which she continued to denote by comparing the weight to burritos.

This is a fluff article. 10 points deduced Stranger.
Posted by ActiveRyan on February 27, 2013 at 12:21 PM · Report this
15
@2 SandraL: Thank you--I was just going to say exactly that!
Luckily, stairs aren't a problem for me, however, and are beneficial in my apartment building for cardiovascular exercise.

I can certainly relate to experiencing unwanted attention from men old enough to be my father's or grandfather's ages, and really creepy boys in junior and senior high school!

Thankfully, with exercise and a diet change for the better I've lost some weight and inches (primarily my former Buddha belly). now, if I could just do something about my spaghetti arms....?
Posted by auntie grizelda on February 27, 2013 at 12:16 PM · Report this
14
As a former stripper (with small boobs) I suggest you go swing around a pole a couple of nights a week for about six months to a year. You will realize that men of all types like boobs of all types - very, very few are locked in to a one size fetish.

And, you will also realize that boobs do not make the woman, no matter how much hollywood and others would like you to think that so you will buy stupid boob enhancing clothing/accessories.
Posted by Just Another Opinon on February 27, 2013 at 11:53 AM · Report this
13
This article is oddly absent of first-person experimentation.
Posted by Est on February 27, 2013 at 11:51 AM · Report this
12

At 15 I went from training bra to DD seemingly overnight-as a tomboy nothing will every prepare a girl for that kind of shock. Now I am a size 4 wearing a 30G and even though I accept and love my curves it sure makes shopping a real bitch.
The internetz is nearly your only option and oddly enough England produces the most "petite full busted" items. Trying to balance something that fits well and doesn't make you look big all over but doesn't completely blind all that come in contact with your cleave is an art!
Bottom line, Im not in the market for a reduction but sometimes I'd like to know what it must be like not to wear a bra all the time...
Posted by pirateflora on February 27, 2013 at 11:48 AM · Report this
11
Just after an article about misogyny at the oscars or something... about as focused a trajectory as FOX news anchors.
Posted by 2Old_Fred3 on February 27, 2013 at 11:47 AM · Report this
icouldliveinhope 10
@5: YEP. So much unwanted attention from people older than my own dad starting at like, age 13, when I hit my first D.
Posted by icouldliveinhope on February 27, 2013 at 11:43 AM · Report this
9
Man, it's amazing to me how breasts affect everything. I went from being flat chested to a DD at 13, when I was still a size 5. I felt like Dolly Parton and did my best to hide them under baggy t-shirts. I was constantly the object of commentary.

I'm older now, and a bit plumper for sure. I'm sporting G's. I don't have back problems, I look great in a corset (if and when I ever wear one). I'm not really a fan of jogging, as having to wear not one, but two expensive sports bras to make the experience remotely comfortable... really not on my highlights list. I do like to run, just... it requires preparation to a degree that I'm not prepared for most of the time.

Going swimming is fantastic. I remember the first time I decided to swim topless, my tits pretty much kept me afloat (in saltwater). They just floated to the top. So big tits look pretty awesome in water.

On the rare occasion I am baring cleavage (intentional or no), it can be either really awesome or really creepy. I don't mind the lecherous appreciation from someone I actually want to sleep with, but when it comes from strangers... not as awesome.

Also, I have been fondled rudely and painfully by more women then men. Women seem to not believe that my breasts are real. I've been groped while dining at a restaurant more than once, by some rich bitch that couldn't fathom I grew these myself.
Posted by thedreadnaught on February 27, 2013 at 11:40 AM · Report this
8
Your breastes math and the corresponding volume equivalents you use are way, way off Shirley. A US GALLON of water is approx 8.3 lbs. The exterior portion of DD cup breast is a ratio. Unless you are a 7 foot tall woman a DD cup breast is a relative fraction of a US gallon. Even on a 6 foot tall woman a DD breast would be around 2 lbs each at best.

So no, it's not 16 lbs.
Posted by monkapotamus on February 27, 2013 at 11:38 AM · Report this
7
Big boobs are more of a headache than something fun, forget wearing cute tops, dresses, going braless. Running is no fun, riding a bicycle in any form fitting top, and the attention from creepy men is certainly not fun.

Of course we always want what we don't have.
Posted by misopretty18 on February 27, 2013 at 11:31 AM · Report this
6
If you were born with two 8-pound boobs, you would've smothered under the weight, and your mother would've exploded.
Posted by I Am Who Am on February 27, 2013 at 11:30 AM · Report this
5
I've had large breasts since I was 13. Major creepage. As a 15 year old, my boyfriend's father groping me and asked "Are these real"? Lots and lots of leering and shouted out obscenities. The knowledge that no matter what you wear, or how you present yourself the first thing anyone notices is your chest. Ironically most of my serious boyfriends have preferred small-busted women. Worse were the dates that made it clear my tits were the one thing about me that interested them.
Posted by TheOtherWoman on February 27, 2013 at 11:26 AM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 4
If there's one thing I've learned from this week, its that we shouldn't objectify boobs.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on February 27, 2013 at 11:02 AM · Report this
Auragasm 3
When I was a teenager, and about 30 pounds heavier, I had D cups. They did nothing for my self-esteem, if anything I was more self-conscious. I wasn't given any special privileges, except getting nasty comments from creepy guys that I was too young to know how to defend myself against. I wore T-Shirts, because anything with style gave me major cleavage and would distract everybody, most of all myself.

I've slimmed up a lot and now I'm extremely happy at size B. It's much easier to be active and wear nice tops. More than a handful is a waste, says my husband. If only I could do something about how elastic the skin is now, grr.
Posted by Auragasm on February 27, 2013 at 10:17 AM · Report this
2
Oh yes, the joys of having big boobs. Let's see...

-- Hard to find clothes that fit well or look as they're meant to. Clothing designers like flat-chested women.

-- Any weight gain will show immediately and be much more obvious. If you're big-chested and a little overweight, you'll look a lot overweight. If you're a lot overweight, you'll look enormous. Don't know how much this applies to fake ones, though.

-- Hope you're not a big fan of jogging. Or jumping. Or stairs.

-- Did I mention the back problems?
Posted by SandraL on February 27, 2013 at 9:34 AM · Report this
1
You forgot to mention the rash you regularly get beneath your enormous breasts, because that's where the sweat likes to congregate. And how you have to run home to change and clean up immediately after exercising in a vain attempt to avoid this rash -- no sitting around in a sweaty sports bra for you! (By the way, dear, there's no reason you should be swinging while you jog if you're wearing a Moving Comfort bra.) And then there's the inability to wear anything cute without planning your bra strategy. Oh yes, it's such a treat. You should get a boob job.
Posted by 40 DDD on February 27, 2013 at 9:00 AM · Report this

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