"Exercise is to the body what dreams are to the mind."--an ad in Vogue for Maidenform bras
"Exercise every day for two hours, a strong body is a strong mind."--Thomas Jefferson (Who the hell has two extra hours every day to exercise? Oh yeah, slave owners.)
My intention this week was to introduce Stranger readers to a real live athlete training for the Olympics who I could criticize for not being Olympic material and berate for not trying hard enough, but after searching for months the only person I could find who agreed to be interviewed was John Jubei, who unfortunately throws the javelin very seriously.
"The javelin is basically a Frisbee made of lead, right?" I asked him.
"What paper are you from?" Jubei asked.
"The New York Times." (I felt the need to give myself some fantastical credentials because the dude was totally suspicious that I wasn't a bona fide sports columnist.)
It turns out that Jubei is unbelievably focused on throwing a spear for the Olympic track-and-field team. I forgot to ask him why.
(By the way, this is Jock Itch #15. HOLY SHITOLI! Did anyone seriously think Jock Itch would last so long?! I'd like to thank the gay people who want to get married and the monorail for making big news and distracting the Stranger editors so that Jock Itch could fly under the radar. I'd also like to thank the best athlete ever, Jesus--sniff.)
John Jubei (I'm pretty sure that's not his real last name, although it's the one he gave me--I fucking LOVE these parentheses baby!) is the assistant coach for a division one university (not allowed to say which) women's track-and-field team. According to Jubei, "A world-class javelin thrower must be able to snatch [snatch? Take the weight from the ground to overhead in one quick movement] 100k [220 lbs., I think] to have the power to chuck the jav 82 meters." Eighty-two meters is considered the world standard, but in order to qualify to even try out for the Olympic track-and-field team, Jubei will have to throw at least 73 meters this coming Sunday at a qualifying event in Sacramento. I assured him that my readers will wish him good luck. Do it!
(By the way, Jesus and The Stranger are sponsoring a "Swatting at Flies" competition in May. For more info, e-mail:)
