So here I am, back in Seattle, trying to buy a flak jacket because I think The Stranger is going to send me to Athens for the Olympics.
Congratulations to Lance Armstrong, who won his sixth consecutive Tour de France, a record. I got teary when Lance won the time trial finishing a full minute faster than anyone else. There were close to a million of us camped along the 12 kilometer (9.7 mile) mountain route, and apparently no one besides me had the courtesy NOT to defecate in the fields near the campsites! Holy moly, that was a stench worth mentioning!
Last year's Tour was more interesting. Last year Lance beat his arch rival, Jan Ullrich, by only 61 seconds, crashed on the most crucial climb, and lost 12 lbs. during an individual time trial after getting dehydrated. This year Lance beat Ullrich by almost nine minutes. Being down nine minutes in the Tour de France is like being one mile behind in a one-mile race. It's an insurmountable lead. Armstrong's performance was so fantastic it was almost tedious. Of course this calls into question whether Lance is truly Lance, or if he's a combination of Lance and illegal performance-enhancing drugs.
Some skeptics say it's impossible for a human to even ride the Tour without drugs. But I don't. I believe a person can make himself as strong as Lance has because I did it. Lance survived cancer, but I survived France--albeit with the aid of alcohol, but since when is alcohol a performance enhancer?
The people who use illegal drugs have deeply embedded insecurities; they don't really think they can win. Lance really does think he can win. His mind is not cluttered with useless thoughts, like Kobe Bryant's prison sentencing, the coming terrorist bombings at the Olympics, or whether or not the Sonics will have a team this year.
