MONDAY, APRIL 6 The week kicks off with a huge, horrifying earthquake in Italy, where today a 6.3-magnitude quake struck the city of L'Aquila, killing 289 people and leaving another 30,000 homeless. (Adding insult to Holy Week injury: The pope survived unscathed.) Meanwhile, a smaller burst of deadly violence was brewing in Mossyrock, Washington, where today John Angeline—a 41-year-old Lakewood man with a history of mental illness—pulled into the "Flying K" Market and pumped $34 worth of gas into his pickup. The trouble began, KOMO reports, after Angeline attempted to drive away without paying, a move that inspired the store's owner, 53-year-old Haeng Soon Yang, to confront Angeline by standing in front of his truck and instructing him not to leave. According to eyewitnesses, Mr. Angeline responded to Ms. Yang's interruption by gunning the engine and running her over, putting his truck in reverse to back over Yang before speeding over her again. Yang was pronounced dead at the scene, and police apprehended Angeline less than a block away, booking him into Lewis County Jail for investigation of second-degree robbery and second-degree murder. During his arrest, the Associated Press reports, Angeline repeatedly told police he was the Lord and feared that Yang was "a Buddha trying to cast a spell on him." Later this week, Lewis County authorities will announce the postponement of Angeline's arraignment while he undergoes an extensive mental evaluation. "I don't know what kind of human being can kill a person like this and go on," said Yang's daughter Nellie to KOMO. "Everyone loved my mom, she was always smiling. She was everything to me. I loved her so much, and I don't know how I can go on without her."

TUESDAY, APRIL 7 In much, much better news, today Vermont became the fourth state in the nation to extend marriage rights to same-sex couples, with both the house and senate voting to override Governor Jim Douglas's veto of a bill allowing gays and lesbians to marry. In a fitting tribute to today's human-rights triumph, foes of gay marriage will freak the fuck out: most notably, the National Organization for Marriage, which will unleash its now-legendary "Gathering Storm" ad—30 fact-free seconds of bad acting and lurid innuendo on the evils of gay marriage—to international disbelief and ridicule. Not so ridiculous: Maggie Gallagher, the National Organization for Marriage figurehead who'll appear tomorrow night on MSNBC's Hardball, cannily reiterating the fact that "redefining marriage will change marriage forever," as if this fact alone were enough to end the argument. Yes, granting marriage rights to same-sex couples will "change marriage forever," just like the civil-rights movement changed public transportation forever and the suffrage movement changed democracy forever. This is called progress, and protecting the (unfair) world that the marriage-is-only-between-a-man-and-a-woman folks have grown accustomed to is in no way so pressing a concern it mandates denying equal rights to an entire group of Americans. Or, as Lambda Legal's Jennifer Pizer so eloquently put it to the Washington Post: "We are not required to pay the price for other people's religious views about us." Thank you, Jennifer Pizer, and thank you, Vermont.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8 In much, much worse news, the week continues with the sad and sudden death of Elswinger, one of Slog-the-Stranger-blog's most devoted, engaged, and reliable commenter-participants, who passed away today at age fortysomething. Thanks to the lopsided information of the internet, Last Days knows that Larry "Elswinger" Davenport loved fantasy football, indie film, old-school prog rock, and good food and wine, but has no firm knowledge of what brought about his too-soon end or exactly how old he was today when that end arrived. Suffice it to say that he's gone and he'll be missed. RIP, Elswinger.

THURSDAY, APRIL 9 Nothing happened today, unless you count the widespread dissemination of the latest news report involving a citizen calling 911 for a ridiculous reason. The individual components of today's saga: an unnamed Texas woman, who on Monday visited an unnamed Fort Worth–area restaurant where she was allegedly served fried rice containing an unacceptably low number of shrimp. "He didn't even put extra shrimp in there," says the woman in her 911 call, a recording of which was obtained by the Associated Press. Thanks to the alleged shrimp-skimpers for making today's saga possible, and special thanks to the 911- calling shrimp lover for providing a much- needed reminder that, unlike the bloodbaths that have soaked recent weeks, not all recession-era freak-outs involve a murder-suicide.

FRIDAY, APRIL 10 Today we turn to the latest crud to fall from the mouth of the pope, who took time out of his busy encouraging-AIDS-in-Africa schedule to deliver a Good Friday address. On Pope Benedict's list of dangerous evils: the West's "aggressive secularism," widespread mockery of Jesus, and general drift into a "desert of godlessness." Left unaddressed: the Catholic Church's reckless endangerment of Africans, ongoing troubles with pedophilia/criminal conspiracies to hide pedophilia, and hot new Nazi/Holocaust problems. "We are shocked to see to what levels of brutality human beings can sink," spoke the pope. Amen.

SATURDAY, APRIL 11 The week continues with the last normal day on earth for a young married couple in Olympia, Washington. A 25-year-old Fort Lewis soldier and his 25-year-old wife returned home late tonight after a dinner out with friends—"possibly celebrating an upcoming deployment for the soldier," KOMO reports—and then "the soldier decided to teach his wife how to handle a semiautomatic handgun." As KOMO confirms, this was not a great idea: "While the wife was holding the gun, she accidentally discharged the firearm. A single shot struck the husband in the head... [and] he died instantly." Not long after midnight tonight, deputies will be called to the couple's home, where they'll find slain soldier Eric J. Autio and his accidental-gunwoman wife, against whom no charges are planned. Condolences to all.

SUNDAY, APRIL 12 The week ends with nail-biting developments in the Somalian pirate crisis. On Wednesday, four Somalian pirates armed with AK-47s boarded the U.S.-flagged cargo ship the Maersk Alabama and kidnapped 53-year-old captain Richard Phillips. Today, navy sharpshooters took out the pirates who'd been holding Phillips hostage on a lifeboat. Following the successful pirate shooting, Captain Phillips was untied, brought aboard the USS Bainbridge, and returned home unharmed. Ahoy.

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