MONDAY, AUGUST 12 This week of Egyptian bloodshed, Canadian snakes, and the single worst website launch in history kicks off in Seattle, where a morning bus ride became the site of deadly mayhem. Details come from KIRO, which explains that the route 27 Metro bus was stopped on Third Avenue near Union Street when three men boarded at the back and refused to pay their fares. Then all hell broke loose. As witnesses told KIRO, the bus driver asked the trio of men to pay up, after which a fourth man, who was not part of the group, yelled, "War," and started shooting. Driver Deloy Dupuis, 64, was shot in the arm and the cheek, and the shooter—31-year-old Martin Duckworth—fled on foot. After reportedly trying and failing to hijack a car and firing an unsuccessful shot at a pursuing police officer, Duckworth sought refuge on another Metro bus, where he was promptly gunned down by cops, who fired 13 rounds through the bus's windows. Rushed to Harborview, Duckworth was soon pronounced dead, while the 14-year veteran driver Dupuis was treated for his injuries and released that evening. "I feel quite lucky," said Dupuis to KIRO. Condolences to all, and thank God it wasn't worse.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 13 Speaking of idiots wreaking havoc with guns, the week continues with a story out of Ohio, where this past weekend 26-year-old Michael Piemonte was attending a concealed-carry gun class with his wife, Alison. "Such classes are required for anyone wanting [to] carry a concealed weapon in the state," reports CNN, describing a lecture-type class attended by 29 students, with Piemonte and his wife sitting in the front row. "While the instructor was demonstrating self-defense techniques, the gun went off. The bullet struck Piemonte in the arm." "It took me a couple of seconds to realize that I had been shot," Piemonte told CNN, which reports the shooting has been classified by police as accidental. "I'm just glad my wife did not get hit." Us, too. (Dear everyone: Please complete this thematically apt Mad Lib–type situation and e-mail the results to lastdays@thestranger.com: "Getting shot by a gun-safety instructor is like getting [BLANKED] by a [BLANK]!!!" Best entries here next week.)

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 14 In virtualer news, the week continues on the internet, where today brought a second great day of pointing and laughing at Bustle.com, the would-be game-changing feminist website launched by the doofiest doof ever to raise $6.5 million for the world's doofiest idea. Details come from The Stranger's blog, Slog, where Megan Seling feasted on Bustle.com's instantly legendary editor's note. Take it away, Megan: "Yesterday Bryan Goldberg, founder of Bleacher Report, announced that he has launched a new website called Bustle, which is going to do what 'Jezebel, Refinery29, and PopSugar' do, but with a profit. He says he 'aims to completely transform women's publishing' and has hired 'talented women with experience at Entertainment Weekly, Glamour, Daily Beast, and Seventeen' to lead the editorial team... Don't worry, he's not going to be a voice on Bustle—he's leaving that to the women. As Goldberg says, 'My job, as CEO, is to hire the right people. My job is to know a lot of engineers, editors, venture capitalists, and salespeople—and to bring them together. Knowing the difference between mascara, concealer, and eye-liner is not my job.' Oh for fuck's sake, dude. Seriously? ... It's absolutely absurd that Goldberg would find it necessary to march himself out onto the stage to congratulate himself for daring to transform women's publishing only because he was able to convince a bunch of rich dummies to give him money. By doing so, he's set Bustle up to fail—now its writers will have to work extra hard to overcome the burden of being looked at as the pet project of a clueless CEO who is clearly just trying to profit off of feminism." Thank you, Megan, and attention, everyone else: Fill out this thematically apt Mad Lib–type situation and e-mail the results to lastdays@thestranger.com: "A douchey male doof launching a feminist website is like a [BLANK] [BLANKING] A [BLANK]!"

THURSDAY, AUGUST 15 Nothing happened today, unless you count the deadly horror that continues to unfold in Egypt, where, as the New York Times reports, "The death toll surpassed 600 on Thursday from Egypt's bloodiest crackdown on supporters of its deposed Islamist president, as violent new protests erupted in the country and world condemnation widened, including an angry response by President Obama and calls for a suspension of European economic aid." (On Sunday, CBS News will report that Egypt's body count has surpassed 900. Ugh.) For a personal take on the siuation, see page 13.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 16 In better news, the week continues with the ridiculously gratifying news that Scott Lively—the antigay US pastor who's devoted his life to writing books about how Hitler's Third Reich was composed entirely of gays and supporting antigay bigotry around the globe—has been ordered to stand trial for crimes against humanity. Details come from Joe Morgan at Gay Star News, who reports that Lively's troubles stem from his alleged engineering of a Ugandan law that makes homosexuality punishable by death, which plays a part in the persecution, arrest, and murder of gay people in Uganda. "A Ugandan LGBTI advocacy organization filed a lawsuit... [that] states Lively collaborated with key Ugandan government officials and religious leaders [in what] allegedly resulted in the introduction of the 'Kill The Gays' bill," writes GSN. "In 2007, Lively also toured 50 cities in Russia where he is accused of recommending a ban on 'gay propaganda.'" When Lively's lawyers sought to dismiss the lawsuit, they were shot down by US District judge Michael Ponsor. "Widespread, systematic persecution of LGBTI people constitutes a crime against humanity that unquestionably violates international norms," said Judge Ponsor. "The fact that a group continues to be vulnerable to widespread, systematic persecution in some parts of the world simply cannot shield one who commits a crime against humanity from liability."

SATURDAY, AUGUST 17 The week continues with what is suddenly one of the most pressing issues of our day: What the fuck's up with Canadian snakes? Hot on the heels of last week's story of the young Canadian brothers fatally strangled in their sleep by a python that escaped from a pet store comes this week's story of the 40 pythons found in a Canadian motel room. Details come from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, which tracks the story to the Bell City Motel in Brantford, Ontario, where this past Thursday, police discovered the 40 snakes divided between five plastic storage bins. "The snakes belonged to a local couple who stayed at the room for only one night," reports CBC. "Paul Sizer, a guest in a neighbouring room at the motel, told CBC News that the couple had five young children with them, including a baby." The motel-room pythons have been seized by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, but Canada's snakepocalypse seems far from over: "Also Thursday night, animal control officers in Hamilton recovered a four-foot-long ball python in bushes in the city's east end," reports the CBC. "It was the second ball python found abandoned in the city in a week."

SUNDAY, AUGUST 18 Nothing happened today, unless you count the continuation of the first Hempfest of the legal-pot-in-Washington-State era or another glorious Seattle summer Sunday that totally earned its name.

Send hot tips and Mad Lib submissions to lastdays@thestranger.com. (And follow me on Twitter @davidschmader.)