MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 16 This week of guns, knives, guns, popes, and guns kicks off in Michigan City, Indiana, where a 24-year-old man has been arrested in connection with the fatal shooting of a 3-year-old boy, in what investigators say was a game with a gun gone wrong. Details come from the Northwest Indiana Times, which identifies the playful gunman as 24-year-old Zachariah Grisham, and the dead boy as his girlfriend's son. As Grisham told investigators, he and the boy regularly "played a game" in which the boy would point his finger at Grisham and say "bang, bang," and Grisham would respond by pointing his gun at the boy and pulling the trigger. But during yesterday's round of the game, Grisham forgot the gun was loaded, and 3-year-old Lance Wilson was fatally shot in the head. Grisham remains held in the LaPorte County Jail on charges of reckless homicide and felony neglect of a dependent.

•• Meanwhile in Washington, DC, Aaron Alexis, a 34-year-old former navy reservist and current military contractor with a history of mental problems, reported to his job at the Washington Navy Yard and fatally shot 12 people before being killed by police.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 In quainter news, the week continues with a little old attempted stabbing, made more delightful by its alleged connection to the music of the endlessly stab-worthy soft-rockers the Eagles. As ABC News reports, the scene went down last night in North Charleston, Virginia, where 54-year-old Vernett Bader lives with an unnamed male roommate whom she reportedly used to date. Last night, the ex-boyfriend roommate was enjoying the music of the Eagles when Bader told him she did not want to hear the music of the Eagles. According to the police report, the Eagles-loving man told Bader to shut up, after which she allegedly came after him with a 14-inch serrated bread knife. Responding to a call about an alleged assault with a knife, officers arrived to find the man locked in the bathroom with cuts on his hands and arms, and left with Bader, arrested on charges of criminal domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature. "Officers noted in the report that everyone involved in the altercation was intoxicated at the time of the assault," reports ABC. "The report did not detail which Eagles songs were being played."

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 The week continues with more deadly gun violence, but if it's any consolation, today's idiots totally got what they deserved. Our setting: Ionia County, Michigan, where tonight two drivers involved in some sort of "road rage" dispute pulled into a parking lot, exited their vehicles, drew their handguns, and fatally shot each other. "Ionia residents James Pullum, 43, and Robert Taylor, 56, were pronounced dead at Sparrow Ionia Hospital," reports the Grand Rapids Press. "They both held permits to carry concealed weapons."

•• Speaking of concealed weapons, today Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz went public with his desire to keep his coffee chain gun-free. As KIRO reports, "Over the last few years, Starbucks' policy allowing people to openly carry guns in their stores, where it's legal, has been celebrated by gun advocates. But Schultz said they have 'disingenuously' portrayed the company as 'pro-gun.'" To remedy this pro-gun perception, Schulz wrote an open letter asking gun owners to refrain from visiting Starbucks while armed, which will be published in a variety of US newspapers tomorrow.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 In better news, the week continues with the presumably gun-free Pope Francis, who today blew millions of minds by denouncing the Catholic Church's obsession with abortion and gay marriage. "His surprising comments came in a lengthy interview in which he criticized the church for putting dogma before love, and for prioritizing moral doctrines over serving the poor and marginalized," reports the New York Times. "He articulated his vision of an inclusive church, a 'home for all'—which is a striking contrast with his predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI, the doctrinal defender who envisioned a smaller, purer church." As Pope Francis told his interviewer, "It is not necessary to talk about these issues all the time. The dogmatic and moral teachings of the church are not all equivalent. The church's pastoral ministry cannot be obsessed with the transmission of a disjointed multitude of doctrines to be imposed insistently." Good work, pope.

•• Meanwhile in the District of Columbia, today Floyd Corkins—the gun-toting loon who attempted a mass shooting at the headquarters of the conservative Christian lobbying group the Family Research Council—was sentenced to 25 years in prison.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 In somethinger news, the week continues with a story out of Northern California, where early yesterday morning a 10-year-old girl awoke with blood in her underpants, leading her parents to believe their young daughter had begun her journey to womanhood—but actually, she'd just been shot. "The girl was sleeping in her Hayward home when a stray bullet from drive-by shooting wounded her in the buttocks," reports the Associated Press. "The girl's doctor told investigators the bullet's entry wound was small and could have been easily overlooked if the family thought she was menstruating. The girl remained hospitalized in stable condition Friday."

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 Speaking of everything we've been speaking about, the week continues in the media—specifically, the UK-based Guardian, which today published an editorial by Henry Porter calling for international intervention in America's gun-fueled "quasi civil war": "The annual toll from firearms in the US is running at 32,000 deaths and climbing, even though the general crime rate is on a downward path (it is 40% lower than in 1980)," writes Porter. "If this perennial slaughter doesn't qualify for intercession by the UN and all relevant NGOs, it is hard to know what does."

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 Nothing happened today, unless you count the continuation of the deadly hostage situation at a mall in Nairobi, where armed terrorists killed a bunch of people, made a lot of demands, and shit's probably still going down as you read this.

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