MONDAY, APRIL 7 This week of internet lessons, ill-used shoes, and overly armed children kicks off with a tragic story out of Los Angeles. Our protagonist: John Winkler, the Puyallup man who graduated from the Seattle Film Institute in 2010 and moved to LA six months ago with hopes of working in the entertainment industry. Having recently found a job as a production assistant on the Comedy Central hit Tosh.0, Winkler seemed on track to make his dream come true—until today, when he was fatally shot by Los Angeles County Sheriff's deputies who'd mistaken him for someone else. As KING 5 News reports, the tragedy unfolded at the West Hollywood apartment building where Winkler lived and was tonight hanging out with his downstairs neighbor. Things were fine until the arrival of Alexander MacDonald, the second resident of the downstairs apartment, who reportedly showed up in "an incoherent state of mind" with a 10-inch butcher knife. "[MacDonald] took his roommate, Winkler, and another man hostage, then flew into a rage and began stabbing and fighting with them, authorities said," reports KING 5. "Deputies received a panicky 911 call that someone was threatening residents with a knife and went to the apartment, where they were told the attacker was a thin man in a black shirt." Tragically, John Winkler was also a thin man in a black shirt, who attempted to flee his attacker by running out of the apartment's front door just as cops arrived. "Three deputies fired four shots," reports KING 5. "Winkler was hit once and mortally wounded." Now Winkler is dead, LA County Sheriff's deputies are grievously sorry, and MacDonald has been charged with torture, murder, and attempted murder. Condolences to all.

TUESDAY, APRIL 8 In less deadly but still thoroughly upsetting news, the week continues in the Pacific Northwest, where today a man—one Kevin G. Heiland of Bonney Lake—was arrested after allegedly downloading a ton of child pornography via his neighbor's unsecured wireless internet connection. Details come from Seattlepi.com, which tracks today's story back to Denmark, where authorities were investigating a Danish website accused of selling child porn and began working with Homeland Security Investigations agents to identify customers in the United States. "Investigators were able to track one account to a Bonney Lake home next door to Heiland's," reports Seattlepi.com. "Agents searched the home in December and spoke with the residents, who adamantly denied having involved themselves in child pornography. Agents searched their electronics and did not find any evidence of child porn. They learned, however, that Heiland, their neighbor, had set up the couple's unsecured Wi-Fi network." Upon searching Heiland's computer, agents allegedly found 40,000 videos and images of children and infants being sexually abused. Heiland remains jailed on charges of possessing and receiving child pornography.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9 In lighter news, the week continues in Connecticut, where today officials at the University of Connecticut announced the suspension of the Delta Zeta sorority, whose members stand accused of degrading hazing rituals, including forcing men to eat dog treats, wear women's underwear, and take alcohol shots off each other's bodies. "The men involved were with a school fraternity," reports the Associated Press. "The sorority is banned from hosting or participating in any sorority chapter activities until the school's investigation is complete."

THURSDAY, APRIL 10 In actual news, the week continues in Nigeria, where officials say a child bride who was forced into marriage with a 35-year-old man has confessed to killing her groom and three of his friends with poison. "Fourteen-year-old Wasila Umaru was married last week to 35-year-old Umaru Sani," reports the Associated Press. "Over the weekend, the groom invited a dozen friends to celebrate at his Ungwar Yansoro village... The teenager told police she bought rat poison at a village market and used it to prepare a dish of rice. The groom and a friend died the same day, and two other victims died later in the hospital." Assistant police superintendent Musa Magaji Majia told the AP: "The suspect confessed to committing the crime and said she did it because she was forced to marry a man she did not love," adding that Umaru is cooperating with authorities and likely to be charged with culpable homicide.

FRIDAY, APRIL 11 Nothing happened today, unless you count the resolution of the saga of the Texas woman found guilty of stabbing her boyfriend to death with a stiletto-heeled shoe. "Ana Trujillo, 45, was convicted on Tuesday of killing University of Houston professor Stefan Andersson, 59, who had been stabbed about two dozen times in the face and head during an altercation at his upscale condominium," reports Reuters. "In more than six hours of testimony, Trujillo cried and said Andersson had a shoe fetish and a bumper sticker that said 'I Love Stilettos.'" Despite her tears and Andersson's alleged bumper sticker, today Trujillo was sentenced to life in prison.

SATURDAY, APRIL 12 Just when you thought we might make it through an entire column without a hideous child shooting, the week continues in Gaston, South Carolina, where today a bunch of kids were enjoying a birthday party until a 5-year-old accidentally shot and killed a 7-year-old (and nonfatally shot a fellow 5-year-old). "Investigators say the child accidentally grabbed a loaded rifle when he was looking to grab a toy gun stored in the trunk of a car," reports WOLO News. "Investigators say they have not determined yet if anyone will be charged."

SUNDAY, APRIL 13 In worse news, the week ends in Kansas City, Kansas, where today a boy and his grandfather were fatally shot outside a Jewish community center, a woman was fatally shot at a Jewish assisted living facility, and an alleged white supremacist and anti-Semite was arrested for both fatal shootings. Details come from CNN, which identifies today's victims as 14-year-old Reat Griffin Underwood, his 69-year-old grandfather William Lewis Corporon, and 53-year-old Terri LaManno. As for the arrested suspect: According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, Frazier Glenn Cross is the 73-year-old founder of the Carolina Knights of the Ku Klux Klan and has a history of spouting anti-Semitic rhetoric. After being apprehended by police, Cross sat in the back of a patrol car and shouted "Heil Hitler!" (Further proof of Cross's stupidity: The fatally shot grandfather and grandson were not Jewish but Methodist.) Charged with premeditated first-degree murder, Cross could face additional hate-crime charges.

Here's to a better next week. Send hot tips to lastdays@thestranger.com, and follow me on Twitter @davidschmader.