MONDAY, JUNE 2 This week of armed-forces awfulness, crappy Christian karma, and further occurrences of America's perpetual tornado of gun violence touching down again (and again) in Seattle kicks off with a cartoonishly ridiculous story out of Belltown, the Seattle neighborhood that served as but one of the passageways for yesterday's Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. As KOMO reports, the cancer-busting fun run was progressing down Second Avenue around 9:30 a.m. when street-side bystanders were hit with a rain of garbage tossed from a fifth-floor apartment window. "A man in his 60s who uses a walker and was there to support the runners was hit with a green liquid, later revealed to be a 'superfood' drink," reports KOMO. "A 13-year-old girl was hit with a frozen chicken breast that felt like a rock and left a welt. Officers also found a trash bag containing up to 10 pounds of cat litter and feces in the street." Upon being confronted by cops, the suspected fifth-floor trash thrower reportedly said she'd just worked a long shift and was mad at the cancer-fighting fun run for waking her up. She was booked into King County Jail for investigation of assault.
TUESDAY, JUNE 3 In worse news, the week continues in Texas, where today two soldiers at Fort Hood told a military court about the sexual-assault prevention officer who allegedly recruited them into prostitution. "Their testimonies came during an Article 32 hearing to determine whether Sergeant First Class Gregory McQueen will face a military court-martial on more than 21 criminal charges filed in March that include pandering, adultery, and sexual assault," reports the Associated Press. "The first to testify was a female private who said... that McQueen had sex with her and took photos of her naked to show potential clients... A second female soldier testified that McQueen sexually assaulted her and also attempted to recruit her to join the prostitution ring, but she declined." The hearing continues tomorrow. And while Last Days is tempted to close this item with a fill-in-the-blank contest ("A sexual-assault prevention officer being accused of pimping soldiers is like _______"), we just can't bear it. Instead, we order you to google Amy Schumer's "A Very Realistic Military Game," the most concise rip yet on the military's beyond-shameful treatment of women.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4 Speaking of creepy military doings, today brings an update on the Blue Angels, the showboating flight demonstration squadron of the US Navy, which semiannually assaults the skies above Seattle with war-zone screechery in the name of patriotism or something. But thanks to a new study conducted by the navy, we now know that the Blue Angels aren't just sky-ripping audio vandals—they're also homophobic, chauvinistic pigs swimming in porn. "Under the command of Captain Gregory McWherter, members of the Blue Angels openly passed around pornography and flew with it in their cockpits during airshows," reports CNN. "They cursed gays and spread dirty talk about women... At one point during McWherter's stint, an oversized penis painted in the blue and gold colors of the Blue Angels adorned the roof of an airplane hangar. The image was so large that it could be seen by satellites and appeared on Google Maps images." Captain McWherter has been reprimanded and relieved of his duties as an executive officer. As for the Blue Angels: "The scandal has sullied their reputation and that of the military branches they represent," reports CNN.
THURSDAY, JUNE 5 Meanwhile in Seattle, today brought a community vigil for Dwone Anderson-Young and Ahmed Said, the two men found fatally shot last Sunday in the Central District. Layering tragedy upon tragedy: Tonight's vigil was held in the shadow of another deadly shooting, which went down today at Seattle Pacific University, and which Anna Minard writes about, beautifully and powerfully, on page 10.
FRIDAY, JUNE 6 In much-needed better news, the week continues with Mark Joseph Stern, the Slate writer who today published an immensely heartening piece on the decline and fall of the gay-hating, race-baiting National Organization for Marriage. Inspiring the essay: NOM's latest political failure, at the hands of a Reagan-appointed federal judge who this week shot down NOM's lawsuit against the IRS as "unconvincing" and "unpersuasive," noting the group's complete lack of evidence that the IRS targeted the group. "This dismissal would be embarrassing enough on its own," writes Stern. "Yet 2014 has brought NOM so many defeats that its IRS loss barely made the news... In May, the Maine Ethics Commission hit the group with a $50,250 fine for breaking state laws in its 2009 campaign to overturn marriage equality. The commission went on to note that NOM had also likely violated campaign disclosure laws in New Hampshire and Iowa. The Iowa Ethics & Campaign Disclosure Board is currently investigating the group." As for NOM's "speedy decline from a well-funded foe to a pathetic laughingstock," Stern writes, "at every turn, NOM has played dirty, illegally keeping its donor lists secret and actively hiding its fundraising reports from ethics commissions... But as each win is reversed by the judiciary, NOM has nothing left but a record of morally repulsive smear campaigns and a trail of legal misconduct. Rather than stick around and defend a dwindling number of antigay holdouts, NOM is stuck paying out fines and fighting off ethics violations. This is how the group can expect to spend its twilight years. At this rate, its impending demise may well come as a relief."
SATURDAY, JUNE 7 Nothing happened today, unless you count the collision between a limousine carrying comedian and actor Tracy Morgan and a tractor-trailer being driven by a man who reportedly hadn't slept in 24 hours. As CNN reports, the crash on the New Jersey Turnpike killed one of Morgan's passengers (comedian Jimmy Mack, RIP), sent Morgan to the hospital in critical condition (he's expected to survive), and earned the allegedly sleep-deprived truck driver charges of assault by automobile and vehicular homicide.
SUNDAY, JUNE 8 Nothing happened today, either, unless you count the well-armed shitheads in Las Vegas who fatally shot two police officers at a strip-mall pizza joint, then fled to a nearby Walmart, where they fatally shot a third person and themselves.
Get well soon, Tracy Morgan. Fuck you, NRA. (And fuck you, too, dead Ronald Reagan, for leading the charge to dismantle this country's systems of mental-health support, sending us directly toward the mess we're in today.) Send hot tips to email@example.com, and follow me on Twitter @davidschmader.