MONDAY, JUNE 23 This week of maximal marching, latter-day crap, and the fascinating intersection of gravity and a bear kicks off with a story out of Minnesota, where an alleged thief was foiled by his own Facebook page. Details come from WCCO News, which reports stuff went down last week when a South St. Paul man returned home to find his house ransacked. "I started to panic," said homeowner James Wood to WCCO, noting that his credit cards, cash, and watch were all gone. "But then I noticed [someone] had pulled up his Facebook profile." This someone was reportedly 26-year-old Nicholas Wig, whom homeowner Wood confronted the next day after seeing him walking down the street, allegedly wearing Wood's watch. "Police arrested [Wig] at the scene," reports WCCO. "He could face up to 10 years in prison and $20,000 in fines if convicted."
TUESDAY, JUNE 24 The week continues two weeks in the past, when Last Days told readers about the hilariously creepy doings in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—specifically, the recent threats of excommunication made against members who dared to question the church, and by "the church," we mean the small coalition of old white men who make up the sacred LDS rules as they go along. As readers may be aware, six years ago, Last Days married into a historically Mormon family, which continues to get less and less Mormon, thanks to reprehensible LDS actions that have driven more than half the family from the church. The Mormon Church's role in passing California's antigay Proposition 8 was the final straw for a number of our in-laws. Besides Last Days' husband, Jake, the family has a second gay son, our brother-in-law Tom, and Prop 8's direct attack on a major faction of the family was enough to push a few family members out of the church for good. Those family members who remain in the church do so out of deep love and commitment, and they hope that through this love and commitment, they might help their beloved church improve. It's a noble quest, but one that's hard to view as anything but fantasy after today's news on the excommunication of Kate Kelly, the Mormon woman who founded the LDS feminist group Ordain Women, and who yesterday received an e-mail confirming her excommunication from the church for apostasy. Along with showcasing the Mormon Church's cultiest tendencies, the excommunication of Kelly sends a clear message to my relatives hoping to change the church from within: Try it and you're out. Last Days knows numerous people who left the Mormon Church once they realized that raising a gay child in the church is straight-up abuse. We know of at least one Mormon father who left the church after he realized he could not, in good conscience, raise a daughter in the church. And now we know one or two devout Mormons considering defection to Unitarianism, because this shit's just getting gross.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25 Meanwhile in Alaska, today brought a story of a child's birthday party being interrupted in the most Alaskan way possible. Details come from the CBC, which reports the scene went down in Juneau, where a family was celebrating their infant son's birthday—until a bear fell through the ceiling. "I was literally in the room, and I heard this cracking," said father Glenn Merrill to the Juneau Empire. "And the next thing you know, there's this bear." After crashing through the skylight, the 82-kilogram black bear reportedly feasted on cupcakes, then was driven from the house by the parents' strategic yelling. Unfortunately, once outside, the bear was killed by Juneau police officers, due to its "threat to human life." Condolences to all, including the birthday infant, who'll be hearing the story of the birthday bear for the rest of his goddamn life.
THURSDAY, JUNE 26 Speaking of news-making interruptions, the week continues in New York City, where an audience at Studio 54 was enjoying the revival production of Cabaret starring Alan Cumming and Michelle Williams tonight when proceedings were repeatedly interrupted by Shia LaBeouf, the troubled actor/former child star who was in attendance. "According to the criminal complaint, a security guard saw LaBeouf stand up in the middle of Act 1 and 'yell loudly at the actors onstage,'" reports the Associated Press. "When LaBeouf was asked to leave, he refused, according to the complaint. 'Do you know who the f--- I am? Do you know who I am?' the actor is said to have bellowed." Charged with five counts of disorderly conduct, criminal trespass, and harassment, LaBeouf is due in court on July 24. For now, the final word goes to Cabaret star Alan Cumming, who tweeted that the show's stage manager announced the start of Act 2 to the actors by proclaiming, "This is your places call and Shia LaBeouf has left the building in handcuffs."
FRIDAY, JUNE 27 In better news, the week continues in Seattle, where today brought the kickoff event to the city's official LGBTQI Pride weekend, courtesy of Trans* Pride Seattle, the pro-transgender march that wound its way from Broadway and Howell to a rally in Cal Anderson Park. Juicing this year's march with extra joy: the letter sent this week from the state insurance commissioner to all Washington State health insurers, informing them that transgender people cannot be denied access to health care simply because of their gender status. Congratulations, Washington!
SATURDAY, JUNE 28 The week continues in central Pennsylvania, where today a woman paid a visit to her local gun show and wound up shot. Details come from the Associated Press, which reports the scene went down at the Eagle Arms Gun Show at the Bloomsburg Fairgrounds, where vendor Geoffrey Hawk was manning a booth for his business, In Case of Emergency Enterprises (!!), when he accidentally shot a woman in the leg. "Hawk told police he thought the gun was unloaded when he demonstrated a concealed-carry wallet holster to the woman, Krista Gearhart, 25, of Orangeville," reports the AP. "Police said Hawk told them he had left the gun on display when he completed background checks on some customers and believes it's possible someone loaded the gun when he was busy." Ms. Gearhart was treated for a thigh wound at a Danville hospital, and the Columbia County district attorney's office will determine whether Mr. Hawk will face criminal charges.
SUNDAY, JUNE 29 The week ends in Seattle, where today brought the humongous LGBTQI Pride Parade, a several-miles-long explosion of daytime drag, scantily clad dancers, and happy happy queers and those who love them. As Seattle drag star Dina Martina so brilliantly put it on Twitter, "Happy Running of the Gays! Celebrate the differences, just don't point them out!"