MONDAY, JULY 7 For the past 750 years, Last Days: The Week in Review has swum through the world's news reports with an eye for stories that remind one just how great and weird and horrifying the human experience can be and an overarching goal of implicating God for the ridiculous shit allowed to go down on His watch. Executing this task has necessitated a certain detachment—if Last Days cried over every baby placed in a microwave, we'd never stop crying, and so we've allowed that part of ourselves that reacts in horror to, say, a young father allegedly sexting strangers while his infant son suffocates in a hot car to scab over slightly. So thank God for Isis Romero, news anchor for San Antonio's KSAT-TV Channel 12 News, who tonight ripped off her scabs of detachment, interrupting a series of child-endangerment stories by breaking down in tears on-air. "My apologies everyone," wrote Romero in a follow-up Facebook post. "We did a story about a 4 month old baby that got burned by fireworks, and then a story about another baby who was left abandoned on a subway platform, and I just couldn't get through it. As a mommy-to-be, my heart just couldn't take it... Thanks to Steve for jumping in for me." Thanks as well to Isis Romero, who allowed herself the type of real-time vulnerability in the face of horror to which Last Days can only aspire.
•• Meanwhile in Los Angeles, today a 62-year-old nurse was sentenced to two years in jail after being found guilty of fucking the corpse of an 82-year-old woman who had died of natural causes at Sherman Oaks Hospital. Details come from the Los Angeles Times: "Alejandro Razo... was alone with the body when he was assigned in January 2013 to prepare it for the mortuary, prosecutors said... Another nurse apparently walked into the room to find Razo with his pants down as he had sex with the corpse." Razo was convicted of sexual relations with human remains. To paraphrase ancient Greek tragedian Aeschylus: "Hard is the life of the necrophiliac named in the newspaper."
TUESDAY, JULY 8 The week continues with the first day of legal recreational pot sales in Washington State, a joyous day of long lines, high prices, and media circuses that nevertheless had its druggy thunder stolen by the scripture-reciting naked dude who allegedly broke into a Lake Washington Boulevard home while high on acid. Details come from police reports obtained by Seattlepi.com, which says the saga unfolded just before 2 a.m., when a family asleep in their Denny-Blaine home was awoken by a crash through the front door, followed by the sound of someone reciting passages from the Bible. "A woman who lived at the home called 911 while her husband armed himself with a baseball bat," reports Seattlepi.com. "Responding officers found a naked man walking down the street talking to himself, according to police. When he saw the officers, he ran off down Lake Washington Boulevard. Two officers caught up to the man and wrangled him, reports say." Upon being arrested for investigation of burglary, the 20-year-old man allegedly told police he had taken LSD before the incident. He was taken to Harborview for treatment.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 9 The week continues with kindergarten-level irony in Spain, where today a man who just published a book about how to run with the bulls of Pamploma was gored by a bull in Pamploma. As CNN reports, the man's book is titled Fiesta: How to Survive the Bulls of Pamploma, and, to his credit, he survived.
THURSDAY, JULY 10 In better news, the week continues with a good old-fashioned eyewitness hot tip from the streets of Seattle, courtesy of Hot Tipper Peter, who writes: "I was waiting for the signal at Olive and Denny around 1:00 p.m. today. A middle-aged male with white hair and a short beard, wearing blue jeans and a blue T-shirt, was walking on Denny towards the bus stop. In one hand, he was holding a box, which seemed to contain a slice of Amante pizza. His other hand was holding the waist of his jeans. He stopped for a moment at the bus shelter and pulled down his pants to his ankles—revealing his ass and penis—while still holding his box of pizza. The man then tried to tuck in his t-shirt and then buckle his belt one handed. He fumbled for a few minutes and was unable to tuck or buckle, so he hoisted up his pants and shuffled towards the corner of Bellevue and Denny, where he tried the whole maneuver again. This time, he placed the box of pizza on the ground. He then lowered his pants halfway down to his knees—enough to show his ass—and tried to tuck in his shirt, again with one hand. I was kind of stunned by the whole thing, watching from a few yards away, but thankfully a kind, 30ish man with a backpack thought quicker than I did. The young man crossed the street and, with both hands, helped the older man tuck in his shirt and buckle his belt. Neither man said anything and, after the belt was buckled, both went their separate ways."
•• In worse news, today the world learned of the Washington State ferry worker in federal custody after a passenger reported seeing him taking photos of young girls. "It happened on July 3 on the Tillicum ferry, which runs from West Seattle to Vashon Island and Port Orchard," reports KING 5. "Prosecutors say a passenger noticed a ferry worker acting like he was texting on a cell phone, but what he was really doing was taking photos of young girls. The passenger reported it to staff, who contacted police." Upon being picked up by King County Sheriff's deputies, the accused worker was identified as Steven Dailey, a registered sex offender convicted of possessing child pornography in 2009. The day after tomorrow, Dailey will be found dead in his cell at the Federal Detention Center in SeaTac, the victim of an apparent suicide. Ugh all around.
FRIDAY, JULY 11 Meanwhile in Pennsylvania, a bunch of motorists got a traffic-related memento mori when a door on a coroner's van malfunctioned, sending a corpse on a gurney into a busy Bucks County roadway. As the Bucks County Courier Times reports, the accident happened around noon today near a shopping center in Feasterville. "A photo, posted on Facebook by Bucks County resident Jerry Bradley, shows the corpse, wrapped in what appears to be a white sheet, lying in the street as cars buzz by," adds the Associated Press. "The Bucks County Coroner's Office says the driver realized immediately that the door had opened and retrieved the body within minutes. The office says it 'deeply regrets' the incident."
SATURDAY, JULY 12 Nothing happened today, unless you count the previously mentioned sex-offender suicide.
SUNDAY, JULY 13 The week ends with what all sentient city dwellers will recall as the most beautiful sunset in contemporary Seattle history, a hazy explosion of warm oranges and neon pinks that dazzled the eyes of decent people and corpse-fuckers alike.