MONDAY, AUGUST 18 This week of killer cops, public privates, and the ongoing downfall of Seattle's aggressively sexist Mars Hill Church kicks off with postmortem horror in Ohio, where a Hamilton County morgue worker has admitted to having sex with a slew of corpses. "Kenneth Douglas, 60, worked at the Hamilton County morgue from 1976 until 1992," reports "During a deposition, Douglas admitted that he had sex with as many as 100 corpses. He added that sometimes, he was either drunk or on drugs while violating the corpses." In 2012, Douglas was convicted of "gross abuse of a corpse," and the families of three of his victims filed a lawsuit against Hamilton County for failing to properly protect their deceased loved ones. "The county, for its part, argues that it isn't responsible for the actions of its employees," reports "The 6th US Circuit Court of Appeals, however, ruled Friday that a jury could find the county guilty of negligence." In closing, a potentially damning couple of sentences: "Douglas's wife testified in a deposition that he reeked of sex when she picked him up from work," reports WCPO, adding that Douglas's morgue victims ranged from the fatally strangled to the nearly decapitated. "She said she called the coroner's office and reported him, but the morgue supervisor told her to stop calling."

TUESDAY, AUGUST 19 Meanwhile in Missouri, cops once again fatally shot another seemingly negligibly threatening citizen who happened to be black. The scene of today's tragedy: St. Louis, where 25-year-old Kajieme Powell had just walked out of a convenience store (where he'd allegedly swiped two energy drinks and a pastry) when he was confronted by two armed police officers. "Less than 20 seconds after their arrival, the officers open fire, killing him," reports CNN, citing evidence from a video of the encounter that will emerge tomorrow. "Powell walks towards them, yelling, 'Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me now!'... Police said Powell had a knife that he pulled out, although that is unclear from the video." Closing comments come from CNN's Chris Cuomo: "There was no raising, there was no lunge, there was no charge. They open fire, both officers open fire. The question now becomes, why did they have to do this?" Both officers have been placed on administrative duty.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20 In goofier news, today a woman who appeared on the naked reality show Dating Naked filed a $10 million lawsuit against the producers of the show for allegedly showing her naked. Details come from Entertainment Weekly, which identifies the complainant as Jessie Nizewitz, a 28-year-old Dating Naked contestant who "flashed her crotch during one segment where she playfully wrestles with a date on the beach. Viewers noticed the unexpected reveal despite it being a very brief shot, and Nizewitz says she's been humiliated on social media." As Nizewitz said in a statement to Entertainment Weekly, "Although I went on this show knowing that I would be nude while taping it, I was told that my private parts would be blurred for TV. Obviously, I did not expect the world to see my private parts, this is not what I anticipated or what any other contestants on the show anticipated." Closing comments come from the unfortunately abbreviated EW: "Though the summer dating series has been slammed by a parents group for putting semi-nudity on basic cable, the show has an impressive match-making success rate—six couples who have met on the show have stayed together, VH1 claims, and one of those couples is getting married."

THURSDAY, AUGUST 21 Another day, another giant rock thrown at the crap-filled piñata that is Mars Hill pastor Mark Driscoll, who was today revealed as the subject of charges brought by 21 former Mars Hill Church pastors, accusing Driscoll of an array of un-Christian deeds. "Accompanied by a cover letter, briefs on workplace bullying, and a summary of the powers of Mars Hill elders, the charges are being leveled by well-respected former pastors and are in the possession of the Mars Hill leadership," reports Warren Throckmorton at "These documents greatly expand on charges brought by former pastor Dave Kraft." (Among the charges: pervasive arrogance, domineering leadership, and referring to a plus-size elder as a "fat ass.") "We have submitted to the Mars Hill board of advisors and accountability the attached formal charges of Mark's disqualification from the pastoral office," write the former elders in their letter, which details the charges in depth: "Is Pastor Mark guilty of sexual harassment in the form of sexual immorality in speech (Eph. 5:3)? We are aware of a number of credible reports of inappropriate sexually-oriented comments that Pastor Mark has made to and about other men's wives, particularly in casual social settings." On Sunday, Mark Driscoll will announce his taking of a six-week "focus break" to deal with the charges. Stay tuned.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22 The week continues with the greatest story involving someone pretending to be Stone Temple Pilots frontman Scott Weiland you'll read all month. The complicated facts were laid out today by Consequence of Sound: "Yesterday, TMZ reported that Weiland had been arrested after attempting to rob a Beverly Hills pharmacy and being found in possession of methamphetamine. However, a short time later, the real Scott Weiland released a video showing him in the studio with his bandmates... When police then verified the identity of the suspect on Thursday night, they discovered he was, in fact, a 44-year-old man named Jason Michael Hurley. According to police, Hurley told the arresting officers that he was Weiland, and they believed him. The mistake was only realized after the real Weiland posted the video, and police carried out a fingerprint analysis." (Dear Bumbershoot: Please consider booking this amazing Scott Weiland impersonator for next year.)

SATURDAY, AUGUST 23 The week continues on Staten Island, where today Reverend Al Sharpton led several thousand citizens on a peaceful march to protest the death of Eric Garner, who was killed by NYPD officers using a banned chokehold. As Reuters reports, "Protesters traveled by bus and ferry to join the rally over Garner, a 43-year-old black father of six, whose killing has become part of a larger national debate about how US police use force, particularly on people who are not white." (Oof. Even neutered for mainstream consumption, the truth hurts.)

SUNDAY, AUGUST 24 Nothing happened today, unless you count the 6.0 earthquake that hit the San Francisco Bay Area and blessedly killed no one. recommended

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