From the Feb 10 – Feb 16, 2005 issue

Columns

Last Days

by David Schmader

This week's column is entirely devoted to Michael Jackson, whose criminal trial on child molestation charges kicked off in Santa Maria, CA. On the eve of the celebrity trial to end all celebrity trials (Robert Blake who?), Last Days traveled to Santa Maria to personally witness Jackson's ordeal. Also on the eve of the trial, Jackson posted a personal video statement on his official website--MJJsource.com--to, in which the beleaguered superstar denounced media leaks of his accuser's uncontested grand-jury testimony. "These events have caused a nightmare for my family, my children, and me," said Jackson of the criminal investigation that led to his indictment on 10 felony counts of child molestation, administering an intoxicating agent to a child, and conspiracy. "Let me have my day in court," spoke the 46-year-old celebrity defendant. "I will be acquitted and vindicated when the truth is told."

MONDAY, JANUARY 31 Michael Jackson Trial Week began at 6:15 this morning, when Last Days arrived at the Santa Maria courthouse, an elegant two-story structure of Spanish-mission style, lined with a provisional crowd-control fence. Crowding outside the chain-link were fans and gawkers, roughly 300 or so who'd come from all over the world to support their beloved Michael. Mulling inside the chain-link was the media, roughly 400 or so from around the globe, including one bearing a suspicious resemblance to Q13 refugee Leslie Miller. Could it really be her? Or are all pert, blond news anchoresses pressed from a single standardized mold, like Terminators? Last Days' musings were interrupted by the roar of a low-flying helicopter, signaling the imminent arrival of the One, who emerged from the back of a black SUV at 9:55 a.m., and who was escorted under an umbrella into the courthouse five minutes before the commencement of jury selection. Newspaper photos would reveal that, as he entered, Jackson had smiled, waved, and held up a peace/victory sign. But in the crush outside the courthouse, all Last Days managed to see was the back of his celebrity head--specifically, that little flip at the bottom of his hairdo. Still, AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!

••Meanwhile, inside the courthouse: Jackson, his attorneys, and the prosecution watched as Judge Rodney Melville questioned 300 prospective jurors in his search for 12 jurors and 8 alternates able to sit through what could be a six-month trial. At 4:00 p.m., proceedings ended for the day, and Jackson reemerged under his bodyguard-held umbrella for the short walk to his waiting SUV. This time, Last Days stood on a fireplug, and got to see Jackson's historic visage with our own eyes. Paper white against his pitch-black wig, Jackson's face appears to be made of the lightest of meringues, slashed across with painted red lips. Deeply unsettling, but still: AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 1 Fact #1: Second days of trials aren't nearly as exciting as first days of trials. Fact #2: Jury selection is boring. Both of these facts were on free display this morning outside the Santa Maria courthouse, where today's proceedings drew fewer than 100 gawker-fans and a significantly downsized media. Nevertheless, the march toward justice continued, with Judge Melville filling his prospective jury pool by early afternoon, issuing detailed questionnaires to nearly 250 potential jurors, and sending Michael Jackson on his way for the rest of the week. What's more, Last Days finally got an answer to our is-she-or-isn't-she? puzzle regarding the look-alike Leslie Miller. While strolling past the long line of media-specific Porta-Potties, Last Days came face to face with Ms. Miller herself. "LESLIE MILLER, LESLIE MILLER!" we heard ourselves scream, inspiring Miller to issue a smile that was equal parts dignified congeniality and don't-stab-me horror. What a pro.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 2 With all forward motion in the trial effectively suspended for the week, Last Days was left to drive around the gorgeous, Sideways-esque terrain of Highway 101 while musing on the facts of the trial so far. One boy with cancer has accused an international superstar with a history of both child philanthropy and child molestation allegations of plying his underage person with booze, touching him inappropriately, and then conspiring to cover up the alleged crime. The troubled international superstar has pleaded innocent of all charges, and now faces a jury trial. The end. But peek over the edge of fact to quasi-factual speculation and the world explodes: What about the Smoking Gun's alleged discovery of the accuser's mysteriously tossed pee, a strategically spilled urine sample that threatened to expose the boy's alcohol consumption during his post-cancer urology exams? (If true, the pee-dump constitutes one of the 28 overt acts specified in Jackson's felony conspiracy count.) What about Court TV's hyping of the subpoena served to Bob Jones, who'd been one of Michael Jackson's most trusted confidantes since his Motown days, until his recent, shockingly abrupt firing. (According to Court TV, what Jones knows could bury the singer, as Jones' age-old history with the Jacksons makes him one of the very few insiders who never signed Michael's now-mandatory confidentiality agreement.) And what about our friend Mindy's dad, a Texas heart surgeon who swears that Michael Jackson will never see the inside of a prison. "If conviction looks likely, he's gonna flee," predicts Dr. Thomas Eades. "Even without his passport, tons of places would take him. France would take him." (It's funny 'cause it's true.)

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 3 Today we move from alleged sex criminals to professed narcissists, as Last Days offers our long-awaited update/ Korrection Korral on Ben Exworthy, the local man whose $12,000 worth of purchases in the 2004 Strangercrombie auction led to him being plastered all over the January 27 issue of The Stranger. First, Last Days identified Randy Engstrom of Static Factory as one of Ben's single friends. This was a mistake--Ben's friend Randy has a girlfriend, but Ben's friend Andy is single, ready, and willing. Second, we miscalculated Mr. Exworthy's net worth--while his company did indeed sell for $35 million, after taxes, cosmetic surgeries, and an exceedingly gracious check sent in response to the e-mailed plea of the deposed president of Nigeria, Ben's net worth is now around $38,000. Finally, in an escort ad, we hyped Mr. Exworthy as a "hot limber tranny." This was a mistake. Mr. Exworthy is not limber.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 4 Nothing happened today, unless you count VH1's repeat airing of Michael Jackson's Secret Childhood, a stunningly presumptuous character study ("At this point, Michael's psyche was in shards") that riveted our attention (and twisted our stomach) like hardcore porn. (Scariest revelation: the source of Jackson's nose fetish, made clear by frequent cuts to Disney's pert-nosed Peter Pan.)

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 5 Nothing happened today, unless you count Fox News' broadcast of Geraldo Rivera's interview with Michael Jackson, in which Jackson reiterated key components of his video address ("I never intend to place myself in so vulnerable a position again," swears Jacko of his kid-lovin' ways) and Geraldo sucked Jackson's ass so hard he got corn in his moustache.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 6 Nothing happened today.

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