MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23 This effed-up week of criminal milk, malicious minigolf, and mind-fucking murder kicks off exactly like last week: with a saga of Law & Order–worthy twistiness, set right here in Seattle. As Seattlepi.com reports, this week's saga was set in motion by a 911 call made on November 13 by a woman who'd been repeatedly stabbed and left to die in a Kirkland parking garage. As the 28-year-old victim told police, she'd gone to the garage expecting to meet her ex-boyfriend, but was instead met by her ex- boyfriend's current girlfriend, who allegedly stabbed her 18 times and fled. Found near death, the victim was rushed to Harborview Medical Center, where staff deftly saved her life. Meanwhile, police tracked down the alleged attacker: Patricia Crowl, the 50-year-old Seattle woman who first made criminal headlines 12 years ago, when she hit her boyfriend's pregnant girlfriend over the head with a wrench, strangled her to death, then dumped her body in a Tukwila ravine. Convicted of second-degree murder, Crowl was sentenced to 13 years in prison and served nine, regaining her freedom in 2006. Since then, Crowl has lived in Seattle's Seward Park neighborhood, quietly biding her time until last week, when she was charged with attempted first-degree murder. Crowl remains jailed in lieu of $3 million bail.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 24 The week continues in China, where today two people involved in the country's tainted-milk- powder scandal were put to death. Details come from the Associated Press, which reminds us that at least six kids were killed and another 300,000 sickened by the tainted milk, and identifies today's capital-punishment casualties as Zhang Yujun (found guilty of endangering public safety) and Geng Jinping (found guilty of producing and selling toxic food).
••Meanwhile in Seattle, a gun-toting man at Westlake Center accidentally and nonfatally shot himself in the leg.
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25 Speaking of oddly self-contained violence, the week continues in southern Colorado, where officials are reportedly mystified by a string of bizarre calf mutilations. Details come from the Associated Press, which reports recent weeks have brought the discovery of four mutilated calves on a San Luis ranch, where the dead calves were found with their skins peeled back and their organs cleared from their rib cages; one calf also had its tongue removed. As a spokesman for the Costilla County Sheriff's Office told the Pueblo Chieftain, investigators doubt a person butchered the calves because there is no blood at the scene, and rancher Manuel Sanchez has reportedly found no signs of human or animal attackers (footprints, drag marks, blood). Thus, some in the area believe the mutilations to be the work of aliens: As area UFO chaser Chuck Zukowski told the Chieftain, there have been other unexplained calf mutilations in the area, including three in March. Meanwhile, Sanchez has sold his remaining 32 calves out of fear more would be mutilated in a disturbing and confusing fashion.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26 Speaking of bizarre animal mutilation, today was Thanksgiving.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27 Nothing happened today, unless you count the would-be Biggest Shopping Day of the Year™ or a bunch of ridiculous local shit related to guns, beginning with the lawsuit filed today in U.S. District Court by a man seeking to overturn Seattle's new ban on guns on city property. As Seattlepi.com reminds, Bob Warden first made headlines two weeks ago, when he carried a legally concealed pistol into a West Seattle community center to protest the new weapons ban and was rightfully ordered to leave. Today, Warden followed up with a lawsuit claiming the new policy violates the U.S. and state constitutions as well as state law; Warden is seeking to have the gun ban repealed and to collect unspecified punitive damages against Mayor Greg Nickels (the ban's creator) to "effectively deter future Washington municipal officials from behaving with reckless or callous disregard for federally protected rights." Meanwhile, 22-year-old Max Gasoi—a fledgling rap performer described by family members as living "the gangster lifestyle"—became Seattle's 19th homicide of the year when he was fatally shot in a drive-by in the First Hill neighborhood, and an unnamed 28-year-old man was nonfatally shot by an unidentified shooter on Rainier Avenue South. Condolences to all.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28 The week continues with a double dose of wacky theatricality. Dose number one comes from Westlake Center, where the weekend's aggressively festive holiday vibe was disrupted by the anti-war protest group The World Can't Wait, which expressed its dismay over Obama's forthcoming surge in Afghanistan via in-your-face street theater. As KOMO reports, today's performance involved reenactments of military occupations, with men in U.S. military uniforms screaming profanities at "civilians" before shoving them to the ground in handcuffs. "A troop surge means nothing but suffering... and it's not in the interest of people living in Afghanistan or the people living in this country," said organizer Emma Kaplan to KOMO. "People living in this country have a responsibility to stop the crimes of their government no matter who the president is."
••Meanwhile, in a converted warehouse on 12th Avenue, a far more pointless and fun spectacle was going down at Smash Putt!, the willfully destructive minigolf apocalypse conceived and produced by the HazardFactory. Tonight, Last Days had the good fortune to clobber our way through the nine and a half holes of Smash Putt!, and it was exactly the type of stupid-fun lark we needed to help us suffer through the awfulness to be unleashed on the Northwest starting tomorrow.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 29 The week ends with the ugliest day in the Pacific Northwest since the Blue House Massacre of 2006. Today's setting: a coffeehouse in Lakewood, Washington, where this morning a quartet of Lakewood police officers were working on their laptops when a man entered and fatally shot them all, commencing a desperate two-day manhunt that will end with the death of 37-year-old shooting suspect Maurice Clemmons on Tuesday morning and the arrest of two cousins and a former cellmate, who allegedly helped Clemmons elude police for as long as he did. But enough about Tuesday's corpse—today is about the victims, identified as Sergeant Mark Renninger (39, survived by his wife and three children), Officer Tina Griswold (40, survived by her husband and two children), Officer Ronald Owens (37, survived by his former wife and a daughter), and Officer Greg Richards (42, survived by his wife and three children).
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