MONDAY, MAY 29 This week of upsetting cinema, horny oldsters, and burgeoning Northwest gang warfare kicked off today with a bracing citizen-to-citizen conflict in West Seattle. Details come from Hot Tipper Jason, who was enjoying a leisurely Memorial Day drive with his girlfriend along Harbor Avenue when "all tranquility was shattered" by the sight of an older man teeing up on the grass by Alki Beach and hitting golf balls into Puget Sound. "I stopped the car and got out and approached the guy," writes Jason, who reported the ensuing conversation in dialogue:

Jason: What are you doing?

Golfer: Having a good time.

Jason: I can't believe you are doing that.

Golfer: TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT PART OF THE ENVIRONMENT I AM HURTING.

Jason: You are littering.

Golfer:If littering is the best you can do...

At this point, Jason reports, the golfer teed up another ball, driving Jason to reiterate his disapproval of the man's actions and sending the alleged litterbug linksman over the edge. "What are you gonna do about it?" hollered the golfer. "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?" Jason answered with action, seizing the man's bucket of balls, then pouring its contents into the trunk of his car and returning the empty bucket to its dumbstruck owner. "I'm not sure how to categorize this event," writes Seattle's most in-your-face anti-litter activist. "It's not public grooming or someone spitting Cinnamon Toast Crunch on me. How would Last Days categorize this encounter?" Dear Jason: First, thank you for sharing. As for your question, even we're unsure how to classify this encounter, so we turned to the Seattle Police Department, which directed us—via the very friendly and capable media-relations officer, Rich Pruitt—to Seattle Municipal Code 21.36.410. This code concerns "litter in the amount of one cubic foot or less which does not contain hazardous substances" and states "[n]o person shall throw, discard, or deposit litter on any street, sidewalk, or other public property... or in or upon any body of water within the jurisdiction of the city." Which means your encounter should be classified as a righteous bit of civic activism, carried out by a citizen brave enough to confront someone wielding a golf club and thoughtful enough to send a play-by-play of the confrontation to Last Days.

TUESDAY, MAY 30 Meanwhile, in the world of real news, today the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported on Seattle's recent surge of gang-related violence. At the center of the report: the four as-yet nonfatal drive-by shootings reported in the region over the past two weeks (including two in the Central District, one in Rainier Valley, and one in West Seattle). The most likely motive behind the rise in drive-bys, according to the Seattle Police Department: a "turf war" between rival gangs from South Seattle and the Central District—specifically, the Crips in Rainier Valley and the Bloods and Black Gangster Disciples in the CD, whose feud reportedly goes back for years, but recently intensified thanks to an alleged chain of events familiar to anyone with a Wu-Tang CD (someone sells drugs where they're not supposed to, someone gets shot, everyone takes revenge). Another possible and ironic reason for the drive-by renaissance: recent police successes in combating gang activity. As Lt. Eric Sano, head of the Seattle Police Department's gang unit, told the Seattle P-I, the arrest of older gang members leaves younger gangsters jockeying for power, thus inspiring the types of shootings and clashes that have spiced up the past couple of weeks. Stay tuned for more on the burgeoning gang wars, and here's hoping Seattle's retro-stylish gang warriors progress from drive-bys to krumping, pronto.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31 In much lighter news, today Last Days turns to the hilarious burning and itching experienced by numerous senior citizens at a popular Central Florida retirement community, where doctors say STDs among the AARP set are running rampant. Details come from southern Florida's trashtastic Local 6 News, whose reporters descended upon the horny retirement community outside Orlando. Gynecologist Dr. Colleen McQuade claimed to have treated more cases of herpes and HPV in The Villages retirement community than she did in the city of Miami, and another, unnamed doctor blamed/credited the STD boom to the absence of pregnancy risks and the presence of Viagra. But if the Basic Instinct films have taught us anything, it's that sex and death are intricately related, and for the elderly, for whom death is just around the corner, why shouldn't sex be right next door? "I have had a better dating life since I have been here than I have ever had," said resident Louis Franklin, telling Local 6 he used to date in the community at least three times a week, but has eased off lately. "I know there are things going around." Props to God for proving that the horny octogenarian is more than a sitcom stereotype, and good luck to the residents of The Villages, who clearly need to acquaint themselves with the non-birth-control benefits of condoms.

THURSDAY, JUNE 1 Nothing happened today.

FRIDAY, JUNE 2 The week continues with a horrifying but mandatory update on Haditha, the Iraqi city where a group of Marines allegedly butchered two dozen civilians last November. First up is Iraq's Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki, who yesterday blasted both the horrors of Haditha and the ongoing violence against civilians by American-led coalition troops in Iraq, which Maliki declared a "daily phenomenon." As for what went down in Haditha: Today the New York Times cited survivors' eyewitnesses reports of watching U.S. Marines shoot numerous men, women, and children in the head and chest at close range, as well as the predictions of "military and Congressional officials" that a Haditha investigation will show that Marines shot and killed civilians without justification or provocation. Last Days wishes we had some rich closing zinger to place here, something that would honor the horror of the situation while simultaneously defusing that horror. But we don't. This is the kind of shit that happens when armies are sent to war for no reason and then abandoned, and we should all brace for more and worse.

SATURDAY, JUNE 3 Nothing happened today, unless you count Rick's Hot Tip about watching a lady drink an entire bottle of ranch dressing on the bus, or Clayton's Hot Tip about getting vomited on from behind by a fellow patron at a "bar and grill in Pike Place Market."

SUNDAY, JUNE 4 The week ends with one of the least enjoyable movie experiences Last Days has ever had the pleasure to endure: An Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore's chart-heavy speech-on-film documenting the causes and effects of global warming, and the media failures that allowed the crisis to grow so grave with so little resistance. Alerting fellow humans to the impending end of life as we know it is a thankless task, but one that Gore handles with bravery and great care, and for his ability to present terrifying facts with a grim but decisive optimism alone, he should be required to run for president in 2008. (Help him, Barack Obama—you're our only hope.)

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