MONDAY, FEBRUARY 11 This week of blown hobos, chastised man-hos, and hideous gun violence kicks off with some pre– Valentine's Day trauma experienced and reported by Hot Tipper Steve. "This afternoon I dropped by the University Village Bartell Drugs to pick up some sweets for my sweetie," writes Steve. "The checkout woman was calmly cleaning her fingernails with the 'nail pick thing' from a pair of nail clippers and dropping whatever she removed onto the floor. My mild disgust turned to full-blown horror as I approached her station with my Valentine's Day tidings, and she folded up the clippers and dropped them back into the large plastic jar of nail clippers available for sale. I had to flee the store, chocolateless, but I'm sure my girlfriend will understand."

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 12 The week continues with the heartbreaking story of Lawrence King, the 15-year-old boy in Oxnard, California, whose flamboyant dress and proclamations of homosexuality had recently made him a target among his more aggressively antigay peers at E. O. Green Junior High School. That's where King was participating in a computer lab this morning when he was shot and fatally wounded. The accused shooter: 14-year-old Brandon McInerney, a fellow eighth-grader who was reportedly among a group of boys who verbally confronted King about his sexual orientation yesterday. Tomorrow, King will be declared brain-dead in a Ventura County hospital. The day after, McInerney—who has no criminal history and a generally good scholastic record—will be charged with premeditated murder, with the special allegation of a hate crime, for which he faces 50 years to life in prison. The day after that, King will be removed from life-support and harvested for organs. Condolences to all.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 13 Speaking of brain-dead homosexuals: The week continues with Larry Craig, the disgraced Republican senator subjected to a public admonishment today from his peers in the Senate. In a letter to Craig, the six-person Senate Ethics Committee denounced Craig's attempt to withdraw his guilty plea after his arrest in a Minneapolis men's room as an effort to "evade the legal consequences" of his own actions, expressing their belief that Craig "committed the offense to which [he] pled guilty" and that Craig "entered [his] plea knowingly, voluntarily and intelligently." The panel also admonished Craig for showing the arresting officer a business card that identified him as a U.S. senator: "You knew or should have known that a reasonable person in the position of the arresting officer could view your action and statement as an improper attempt by you to use your position and status... to receive special and favorable treatment." Finally, the panel criticized Craig for his sketchy (and unapproved-by-the-Ethics-Committee) use of $213,000 in campaign funds to pay for legal and public-relations expenses necessitated by his arrest on suspicion of sexual solicitation in an airport men's room. Here's hoping today's public spanking heralds Craig's complete withdrawal from the public eye (at least until this spring, when he's busted blowing a trucker in a Honey Bucket in a Maple Valley parking lot during tulip season).

•• Speaking of fags and flowers, here's a story featuring both from Hot Tipper Tim: "Tonight after work I stopped by Blooms on Broadway to pick up some Valentine flowers for my fiancée. Near the corner of Republican Street and Harvard Avenue, I heard some moaning coming from a doorway near the entry to the drugstore. I looked over and saw one homeless-looking guy on his back moaning in ecstasy while another homeless-looking guy gave him a blowjob. I called the cops and waited, while many people passed by and gazed upon the happy/gross couple with the same disgust as I did. After 15 minutes, I gave up waiting for the fuzz and went home."

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 14 Today brings the week's second burst of hideous gun violence, as a 27-year-old former student opened fire in a lecture hall at Northern Illinois University, killing five students and wounding 16 others before committing suicide. The victims, with details provided by ABC News: 20-year-old Daniel Parmenter, a sophomore studying finance and a devoted member of Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity; 20-year-old Gayle Dubowski, a sophomore studying anthropology and a devoted member of the DeKalb Church of Christ; 19-year-old Ryanne Mace, a sophomore psychology student with straight As and grad-school ambitions (who also liked bowling and knitting and going to the movies); 20-year-old Catalina Garcia, the daughter of Mexican immigrants working toward becoming an elementary school teacher; and 32-year-old Julianna Gehant, who worked for 12 years with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers before enrolling at NIU to major in elementary education. The shooter/suicide: 27-year-old Steven Kazmierczak, a former graduate student in sociology with a history of mental illness who'd recently and abruptly stopped taking his medication. Seven of Kazmierczak's surviving victims remain hospitalized, three in serious condition. Condolences to all, including the idiotic killer. Everyone else: Please, never forget the Silver Rule: If you're planning a murder/suicide, do the suicide part first.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 15 Nothing happened today, unless you count the final breaths taken by Lawrence King, the 15-year-old boy who was fatally shot in the head at his Southern California junior high school for allegedly acting gay, who was today taken of life support.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 16 Earlier this week, virtual voyeurs across the globe gawked in horror at the Tampa sheriff's deputy caught on videotape dumping a quadriplegic out of his wheelchair and onto the floor. Today the grotesque saga came full circle, as deputy Charlette Marshall-Jones was charged with felony abuse of a disabled person and booked into the same jail onto whose floor she'd dumped 32-year-old Brian Sterner. The Associated Press reports she's been released on $3,500 bail.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 17 Nothing happened today, unless you count the hockey- related trouncing of the Tri-City Americans by the Seattle Thunderbirds this afternoon at KeyArena, or the clobbering of the American South by tornadoes and the Midwest by freezing rain, snow, and flooding.

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