MONDAY, OCTOBER 11 This week of killer goats, color-coded cups, and presidential opposition kicks off with something hideous in Michigan, where a married couple in Trenton earned the scorn of the world after aggressively mocking a dying child. Details come from Fox 2 News, which identifies the dying child as Kathleen Edward, a 7-year-old girl in the final stages of Huntington's disease, the degenerative brain disorder that previously claimed the life of Kathleen's mother. Clearly, things are plenty tough around the Edward household, but that didn't stop neighbors Scott and Jennifer Petkov from brutally twisting the knife. Reportedly inflamed by a "neighborhood dispute" with Kathleen's grandmother, Jennifer Petkov posted two doctored photos—one of young Kathleen's face placed over a skull and crossbones, another depicting her mother, Laura, in the arms of the grim reaper—to Facebook, while her husband parked a pickup truck with a coffin in the back and "messages of death" scrawled on the side in front of the Edwards' house. "The couple has since apologized, removed the Facebook posts, [and] dismantled the coffin," reports Fox 2 News, adding that its coverage of the story has led to an outpouring of support for Kathleen Edward from all over the world: "Hans Masing of Tree Town Toys in Ann Arbor has raised more than $9,000 for a shopping spree for Kathleen. Some of the money donated [came from] as far away as Japan, Australia, and Europe. Any money that Kathleen does not spend will go toward local childrens hospitals." Bonus: On Friday, Jennifer Petkov will be arrested, not for her heartless Facebook hooliganism, but for allegedly trying to run someone over with a car. (The would-be car victim is fine, and Petkov is behind bars, where she belongs.)
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 12 In much better news, today a federal judge ordered an immediate end to the enforcement of "don't ask, don't tell," the U.S. military policy forbidding gay servicefolk from openly acknowledging their sexual orientation. As USA Today reports, "U.S. District Judge Virginia Phillips... ruled that enforcement of the law she had previously declared unconstitutional must be halted immediately because it 'irreparably injures servicemembers by infringing their fundamental rights'"—including due process, freedom of speech, and the right to petition the government for redress. As White House spokesman Robert Gibbs announced after the ruling, "The president will continue to work... to change the law that he believes is fundamentally unfair." Meanwhile, Obama will devote today to appealing a ruling that prevented the U.S. government from banning same-sex marriages and will continue his fierce advocacy on Thursday, when he'll ask Judge Phillips for an emergency stay of her DADT strike-down, which the president plans to appeal. In other news: November is going to be ugly.
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 13 The week continues with a pair of updates to Last Days items of yore. First up: the Roslyn, Washington, overdose party of last weekend, when a number of Central Washington University students required emergency care after ingesting what police believe to be drugged drinks. Today the story got 50 times creepier, thanks to the allegation that the party's drinks were served in color-coded cups. "Jim Belanich said his daughter, who helped pull a sickened woman from the house, told him that women were given specific colored cups to drink from," reports KIRO, adding that blood and urine samples from the stricken partygoers were delivered yesterday to the state toxicology lab, with test results due in "one to two weeks."
••Meanwhile in Chile, the Copiapó mining accident—in which a collapsing mine left 33 men trapped deep underground for over two months—reached a breathtaking resolution today as all 33 men were safely brought to the surface, where they were met by fresh air, flashing lights, angry wives/uppity mistresses, and the collective well-wishes of the world.
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 14 Speaking of dramatic updates in ongoing sagas, today brought the following sentences to the Seattle Times: "Seattle Police Chief John Diaz and the department's Firearms Review Board have reached a preliminary finding that an officer's fatal shooting of woodcarver John T. Williams on Aug. 30 was not justified... Diaz and the board will make a final determination after the completion of a pending court inquest into the shooting. It is rare for a shooting by an officer to be found unjustified." Following the finding, Officer Ian Birk was ordered to surrender his badge and gun. Stay tuned.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15 The week continues with some glorious good news for the citizens of South Park and supporters of Senator Patty Murray, as the campaigning incumbent hit 14th Avenue South for a triumphant press conference announcing the $34 million federal grant awarded to King County for the replacement of the lamentably departed South Park Bridge. "This is a victory for a community that deserves a victory," said Senator Murray, who was subsequently feted as an invaluable asset to the state by numerous pols (including Dow Constantine, Jim McDermott, and the mayor, who all but implored the gathered crowd to vote for her or else). Facts: Construction of the new bridge is scheduled to begin in late spring, scheduled to wrap up in May 2013, and is totally good news for a whole bunch of people, including the many who'll be employed building the bridge and the many who'll be employed feeding the people who build the bridge. Thanks to all who made it possible. (And vote for Patty Murray!)
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 16 Nothing happened today, unless you count the fire at the Capitol Hill apartment building the Roycroft (the fire was quickly extinguished, two people were treated for smoke inhalation), the explosion of a Chinese coal mine (where 21 men were killed and 11 others remain trapped underground), or the mountain goat that fatally gored a hiker at Olympic National Park (the victim was a 63-year-old Port Angeles man, the killer goat was shot by park rangers). Condolences to all, except the goat, who asked for it.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 17 Nothing happened today, unless you count the second of the televised debates between bridge-building saint Patty Murray and Satan-worshipping bag of lies Dino Rossi, or the trouncing of the Chicago Bears by the Seattle Seahawks.
Send Hot Tips to firstname.lastname@example.org.