MONDAY, JULY 28 This week of blameworthy beasts, fantasy crashes, and the worst Greyhound bus story in the history of the world kicks off with a splashy bit of local governmenting, as the Seattle City Council approved a 20-cent charge on disposable paper or plastic shopping bags, historically provided for free at convenience, drug, and grocery stores. Designed to encourage the use of reusable shopping bags (which would reduce both waste and greenhouse-gas emissions), the disposable-bag fee goes into effect January 1, 2009, but the bitching is already underway. Dear bag-fee bitchers: Shut up. Dear dog-poop picker-uppers: You can buy those handy little rolls of plastic poop bags in bulk for cheap on eBay.

TUESDAY, JULY 29 The week continues with not one but two flare-ups by the 21st century's go-to villains, pit bulls, who today engaged in two bouts of aggravated mayhem in Seattle. Bout number one occurred this afternoon in north Seattle, where, as an eyewitness told KIRO, a trio of pit bulls escaped from a house and attacked a woman and her cocker spaniel as they walked down the street. Police arrived midattack and shot one dog (who's expected to survive) and handed the two others over to animal control (their fates are unknown.) As for the victims: The woman was bitten on the hand, while her dog was hospitalized with numerous bites and internal bleeding. Bout number two occurred this afternoon near Queen Anne, where, as driver Hilary Dutton told police, her 4-month-old pit bull puppy jumped onto the steering wheel of her moving car, causing her to plow into a 57-year-old off-duty police officer. The officer—whom the Seattle Times reports was flagging traffic prior to his crushing-by-puppy—was taken to Harborview Medical Center with non-life-threatening injuries to his neck and legs.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 30 In much better news, today Barney Frank, the U.S. Representative from Massachusetts and chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, introduced House Resolution 5843, soon to be better known as the Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults Act of 2008, a title that suggests the resolution's goals plainly. If passed, HR 5843 would support marijuana smokers possessing up to 100 grams of pot (almost a quarter pound) without being arrested, and would allow the "nonprofit transfer" of up to an ounce of pot. As CNN reports, the resolution wouldn't address laws pertaining to growing, importing, or exporting marijuana, or selling it for profit; state laws regarding marijuana use would also be unaffected. Still, as Representative Frank pointed out, about a dozen states have passed laws supporting the use of medical marijuana use, and for the federal government to devote resources to arresting people who are complying with their states' laws is stupid. (Particularly when the illicit substance in question is exactly as harmful and/or benign as fully legal alcohol.) Stay tuned for the backlash of histrionics and hand wringing and, hopefully, more bracing sanity from Barney Frank.

••Meanwhile in Texas: Officials at the Katy, Texas, Morton Ranch High School today found themselves embroiled in a glittery, pom-pom-ridden scandal, after more than a dozen members of the high school's cheerleading squad were accused of subjecting underclasspersons to dangerous hazing. Details come from ABC, which reports the alleged hazing took place at a cheer camp at Texas A&M University, where the traditional initiation of junior varsity cheerleaders consists of a surprise, middle-of-the-night trip to a waffle house. But according to this year's crew of JV cheerleaders, the traditional initiation took a sinister turn, with the varsity cheerleaders allegedly blindfolding the girls, binding their hands with duct tape, and throwing them into a pool. "Once you duct-tape someone's hands, blindfold them, throw them in a pool, that's way too far," said the sister of a Morton Ranch High School junior varsity cheerleader. "And when a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl's head, that's just disgusting." School district officials have announced their investigation of "an alleged off-campus incident possibly involving inappropriate behavior by certain students." Meanwhile, Last Days officials have announced their investigation of what's behind the above (BEEP)? "Pees"? "Poos"? "Miscarries"? We must know.

THURSDAY, JULY 31 In much worse news, today we turn to the aforementioned worst Greyhound bus story in the history of the world, which happened yesterday along the Trans-Canada Highway in Manitoba. Horrific details come from Reuters, which identifies the scene of the horror as a Greyhound bus heading east toward Winnipeg with 37 passengers. Among these passengers was a young man, who witnesses say was sleeping with his head against the window with headphones on when his seatmate abruptly began stabbing him with a butcher knife. As passengers fled to the front of the bus and alerted the driver, the butcher-knife-wielding suspect—described as tall, large, and wearing sunglasses—held up the young man's severed head and continued hacking at the body. The bus stopped, the passengers fled, and the knife-wielding man was locked in the disabled bus until police arrived and instigated what would become an hours-long standoff, during which an RCMP officer reported seeing the attacker hacking off pieces of the victim's body and eating them. Tomorrow, Vince Weiguang Li—a 40-year-old man from Edmonton, Alberta, with no criminal record—will be charged with second-degree murder in the grisly beheading, while the victim will be identified as Tim McLean, a 22-year-old Winnipeg man traveling home after working at a carnival in Edmonton. Condolences to everyone, including but not limited to the victim's family and friends, the suspect's family and friends, all the people on the bus who had to watch that shit happen, and all of you who just had to read about it. (But mostly the victim's family and friends.)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 1 Nothing happened today, unless you count the birthdays of the bulbous comic actor with semifoxy offspring Dom DeLuise (born on this day in 1933), longtime Grateful Dead leader/current actual dead man Jerry Garcia (1942), and beloved Cosby kid/failed talk-show lady Tempestt Bledsoe (1973).

SATURDAY, AUGUST 2 Nothing happened today, unless you count the death days of legendary gunfighter/Deadwood cameo star Wild Bill Hickok (who was fatally shot on this day in 1876), President Warren G. Harding (heart attack, 1923), and short-story master/editorial lottery winner Raymond Carver (cancer, 1988.)

SUNDAY, AUGUST 3 The week ends with a fiery crash above Lake Washington, as four U.S. Navy Blue Angel fighter jets gathered for Seafair's air show and tearing through the sky over Lake Washington collided and exploded, completely destroying each aircraft while sending the pilots safely down onto cushiony tent tarps and bouncy inflatable rafts.

We can dream. Send Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.