MONDAY, MAY 2 This week of nonfiction crucifixions and rampant in-flight insanity kicks off in West Virginia, where early this morning an Alum Creek family received a telephone call that dragged them into a world of twisted mayhem. The subject of the phone call: the family's pygmy goat, which the caller reported seeing inside a nearby neighbor's home. As the Charleston Gazette reports, Lisa Powers bought the goat as a gift for her young grandson last Friday and responded to news of its mysterious appearance in a neighbor's home by dispatching her nephew to investigate. What the nephew found at the home is positively Hitchcockian, allegedly involving 19-year-old Mark Thompson dressed in women's clothing in a blood-soaked room containing a dead goat. Questioned by police, Thompson allegedly admitted to being high on "bath salts" and has been charged with animal cruelty. "We know the animal had at least one stab wound," said Cpl. Sean Snuffer of the Kanawha County Sheriff's Department, adding that those performing the goat's necropsy were "also searching for signs of sexual trauma."

••Meanwhile in Texas, a high school teacher commemorated yesterday's killing of Osama bin Laden by allegedly mocking a Muslim student. The setting: Friendswood's Clear Brook High School, where an American-born girl of Muslim faith was today reportedly confronted by her ninth-grade algebra teacher. "The teacher told the student that 'I bet you're grieving,'" as a Friendswood mom (who heard about the incident from her daughter) told KTRK News. "And she basically looked at him and said what are you talking about? And he said I heard about your uncle's death and she said wow, because she understood that he was referring about Osama bin Laden being killed and was racially profiling her... The student ended up crying over what was said to her by the teacher and the teacher asked her why she was crying and another student said it was because of what you said earlier. And his response was, oh, OK, and just kind of smirked and giggled and walked away." By next week, the school district will have apologized and the teacher will no longer be employed at the school.

TUESDAY, MAY 3 The week continues with what the queens on RuPaul's Drag Race would hail as fierce Christalicious realness in South Korea, where today police announced their discovery of a dead man nailed to a wooden cross with a crown of thorns in an abandoned stone quarry. "A man wearing only underwear, with a wound on the side of his torso and nylon strings tied around his neck, arms, and stomach, was found crucified Sunday in Mungyong," reports the Associated Press. "Two smaller crosses were erected on each side of the cross he was nailed to, [police chief Chung Ji-chun] said. Police also found nails, a hammer, an electric drill, pieces of wood, and instructions on how to build crosses inside a tent near the scene, Chung said." An impending forensic report will determine whether it was a homicide or suicide.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 4 Nothing happened today, unless you count the gorgeous memorial for Kim Ricketts at Seattle's Saint Mark's Cathedral, where the beloved literary maven was commemorated by her family and a city of friends, many of whom told wonderful stories and one of whom read Mary Oliver's "Wild Geese." (Google it.) RIP, Kim Ricketts.

THURSDAY, MAY 5 The week continues in Gig Harbor, Washington, identified today as ground zero in the battle between Gene Simmons, the bottom-dwelling, tongue- wagging bassist for KISS, and Anonymous, the Scientology-baiting, WikiLeaks-avenging vigilantes of the internet. Details come from the Seattle Times, which reports the battle was set in motion last October, when Simmons delivered the keynote speech at a cybermarketing convention in France, during which the aging rocker railed against internet piracy and the flouting of copyright laws. Less than two weeks later, a collection of websites owned by Gene Simmons and pertaining to KISS was hit with distributed denial-of-service (DDoS) attacks, crashing the websites for several days. Responsibility for the attacks was claimed by Anonymous, the makeshift group of cybervandals known for punishing perceived enemies with DDoS storms. Which brings us to Gig Harbor, where the FBI tracked a computer that was found to have attacked a Gene Simmons website nearly 50,000 times in under an hour last fall. As KOMO reports, the owner of the computer turned out to be a teenage boy, who was questioned by FBI agents and had his computer confiscated. "It's all because my son went to a message board and some little worm was put into his computer," said the teen's mother to KOMO. "They ruled him out as one of the masterminds... They were on a fact finding mission and [had] to take the computer." The investigation continues.

FRIDAY, MAY 6 As history buffs will recall, last week Osama bin Laden was killed by Navy Seals, and today Last Days turns to the wealth of information—documents, computer files, DVDs—seized from Bin Laden's rat's nest of a home. Foremost among the Qaeda master's alleged plots 'n' plans: a 9/11- commemorating attack on the US rail system. "One idea outlined in handwritten notes was to tamper with an unspecified US rail track so that a train would fall off the track at a valley or a bridge," reports the Associated Press. "Counterterrorism officials said they believe the plot was only in the initial planning stages, and there is no recent intelligence about any active plan for such an attack."

SATURDAY, MAY 7 Nothing happened today, including the safe return of Dorothy Parvaz, the former Seattle P-I/current Al Jazeera reporter who's been missing in Syria since April 29. She's still missing. For more on Parvaz's ongoing saga, see page 12.

SUNDAY, MAY 8 The week ends with a full day of freaking out in US skies, commencing with a Delta Airlines flight from Detroit to San Diego (which was forced to land in Albuquerque due to a "threatening note" found in a bathroom), continuing with a Continental Airlines flight from Houston to Chicago (which was diverted to Saint Louis after a male passenger tried to open the plane's door in midair), and concluding with an American Airlines flight from Chicago to San Francisco, which managed to land safely despite the freaked-out man who allegedly spent the final minutes of the flight yelling unintelligibly and pounding on the cockpit door. "He was identified as 28-year-old Rageit Almurisi," reports CBS News. "Though he carried a Yemen passport, it wasn't clear if his nationality was also Yemeni... Police said he has no clear or known ties to terrorism."

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