MONDAY, AUGUST 27 The week kicked off with a wee bit of good news, as a new survey revealed that most high school seniors hate homosexuals less than their parents do. The survey, designed by Hamilton College and conducted by Zogby International, polled a random sampling of 1,003 high school seniors on a variety of "gay issues." The results (as reported today by Reuters): 85 percent of seniors were willing to go on record saying that gay men and lesbians should be accepted by society, while two-thirds agreed that gay marriage should be legal. (In contrast, only one-third of American adults support queers' right to wed.) Despite the prevalence of pro-gay views among students, the survey found that U.S. high schools remain "largely hostile" to gay students: Nearly half of the polled seniors said they'd witnessed students being called "faggot," "homo," or "dyke" to their faces, and more than half said gay issues had not been discussed in any of their classes. Most tellingly, many of the students professing homo-friendly views blanched before scenarios involving real live gay people: Only 43 percent said they would be comfortable with a gay, same-sex lab partner, while 31.5 percent said they'd be comfortable at a party with both gay and straight couples. Still, Last Days is sincerely pleased that the majority of our nation's youth believe that homosexuals have a right to exist, so long as they have the decency to pair up for lab work and throw their own goddamn parties.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 28 For decades, Washington State has enjoyed an international reputation as a veritable Shangri-La--a vaguely mystical land packed with gorgeous greenery, stunning mountains, and quietly colorful individuals with a lefty bent and large hearts. Today that reputation was clocked on the head, chopped into pieces, and buried deep in the cold, cold ground as our state revealed itself to be a suicide-taunting, lethal-injecting circle of Hell. Washington's day of shame began with the execution of rapist/murderer James Elledge, who was pumped full of poison at the Washington State Penitentiary before being pronounced dead at 12:52 a.m. Eight hours later in Seattle, a deeply disturbed woman positioned herself on the Ship Canal Bridge, where she threatened to jump, stopped I-5 traffic for hours, and inspired an array traffic-jam sickos to call for her death. Most embarrassingly, on tonight's KING 5 news, Seattle mayor Paul Schell squandered another chance to deal responsibly with the dark side of his constituents by suggesting that, just as the WTO riots were caused by a handful of "outside agitators," the headline-grabbing suicide taunts came from people who "may have just been passing through town." (How many megaphones does our riot-snoozing, New Year's-canceling mayor have to be hit with before he realizes that Seattleites are quite capable of executing evil on their own?) Anyway, James Elledge is dead, the suicidal bridge-jumper is in Harborview, and Paul Schell is most likely on the way out.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29 Today in Lumberton, Mississippi, a disabled man announced that he would amputate his feet with a homemade guillotine live over the Internet to raise money to buy new prosthetic legs. Thirty-three-year-old Paul Morgan, paralyzed from the knees down after falling out of a truck in 1986, came up with the plan after his insurance company refused to pay to have his lower legs amputated and fitted with titanium prosthetic devices. Morgan needs to raise about $150,000 to cover the cost of the prosthetics, follow-up surgery, and rehabilitation. With the procedure scheduled for October 31, Morgan's hard at work promoting his couper des pieds (available via pay-per-view for $19.95) and constructing the 15-foot stainless-steel cutting device (modeled on the guillotines used during the French Revolution) that will remove his useless feet before the eyes of the world. The Mississippi Attorney General's office says Morgan's Internet amputation could violate a number of state laws, including the ever-pressing mayhem statute, but Morgan is proceeding undeterred. "People are still a little bit skeptical," Morgan told Reuters. "But that should change once I have the guillotine built." Readers interested in spending Halloween night watching Paul Morgan chop his feet off should contact www.cutoffmyfeet.com.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 30 Just when you thought it was safe to go back into pop culture: Today Michael Jackson, the once brilliant, now heartbreakingly deluded (and potentially dangerous) pop music megastar, creeped his way back into the spotlight by opening this morning's NASDAQ stock exchange and scoring headlines with news of his upcoming video. For his new clip, "You Rock My World" (off the forthcoming album Invincible), the "King of Pop" has brought in the splashiest talent money can buy, including Oscar-winning film legend Marlon Brando and the cast of The Sopranos. (Also on board: Chris Tucker and Benecio Del Toro.) According to the New York Daily News, the star-studded clip cost upwards of $4 million, with $1 million going directly to Brando. And while Last Days certainly looks forward to Jackson's latest video spectacle (which receives a major theatrical release in a few weeks), never before has Jackson's professional desperation been placed on such depressing display. (Confidential to Jackson: You can make a $50 million video with Chris Tucker rimming Benecio Del Toro while Marlon Brando and The Sopranos juggle the remains of JonBenet Ramsey, and it still won't change the fact that you're a 98 percent plastic megalomaniac who's too busy culling other people's star power, writing settlement checks to your boyfriends' parents, and contractually obligating the media to refer to you as "the King of Pop" to do anything artistically worthwhile. Get back to music, or kill yourself now.)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 31 Speaking of suicide: Today nearly 600 lucky individuals were given a gorgeous reason to continue living at PIZZAZZ!, The Stranger's citywide talent show, held at Bumbershoot. Following a mind-blowing opening performance by Dina Martina (who expressed deep gratitude at being invited to perform at the "Baggy White" theater), PIZZAZZ! placed 11 fabulous acts (from a 10-year-old torch singer to a 59-year-old drumming comedienne) before a panel of distinguished judges (from Judy Nicastro to Last Days' mom). The results: Third place went to the Björkily delightful singer/songwriter Saskia, second place to the smashing rap talent KAOTIC, and first place to the ever-adorable Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players. Congrats to all the performers, and thanks to One Reel and Bumbershoot for letting us in.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1 Today Last Days indulged our agoraphobia by shunning Bumbershoot in favor of a self-styled art walk through a blissfully vacated Pioneer Square. First stop: Davidson Galleries, where we took in the dreamy work of Marlene Bauer, whose acrylic-on-wood-panel Cape made us swoon. Then it was on to D'Adamo/Hill, home to a deeply hideous collection of paintings by ...lan Vital, rendered exclusively in what appears to be Wet 'n' Wild nail polish. Finally, we passed through an unnamed alley, where we saw the fascinating installation piece, Pile of Human Fecal Matter, artist unknown. Yay for Pioneer Square!

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 2 Nothing happened today (except all that stuff at Bumbershoot.)

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