The week began with a 24-hour tribute to Martin Luther King Jr., the Nobel Prize-winning minister, activist, and author who brought the teachings of Gandhi and Thoreau to the American civil rights movement, leading the charge for racial equality until his tragic assassination in 1968. To commemorate, Last Days revisited the legendary speech Dr. King delivered at the Lincoln Memorial in 1963, on the occasion of the 100th anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation. And while "I have a dream" ranks second only to "Where's the beef?" in the Hall of the Flogged-Out Catch Phrases, King's address, with its rejection of "the tranquilizing drug of gradualism" in "the fierce urgency of Now," still packs a near-Biblical punch, which mercifully obscures the fact that 80 percent of King's dreams remain as far from reality today as they were 33 years ago. Still, progress is progress, and continuing at this rate, the jangling discords of our nation will be fully transformed into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood by the year 2167.
TUESDAY, JANUARY 22
Camp X-Ray is A-okay: Following rumors of rough treatment at Guantánamo Bay's stylishly named detainment facility, Camp X-Ray, today the London Times dished the dirt on the Islamic prisoners of war currently being held at the Cuban camp. The Times paints a portrait of relative jailhouse harmony, with camp patrons being served "culturally neutral" meals of stew, rice, and Froot Loops, while Islamic prayers play over the prison's PA system. "Nobody is pretending that [the conditions] are luxurious," says a spokesman for Prime Minister Tony Blair, "but they are basic and fit for the requirements of the detainees." Last Days is pleased that previous tales of Camp X-Ray's Geneva Convention-flouting torture methods seem to have been exaggerated. Still, we must take exception to the bestowing of Froot Loops on al Qaeda war criminals, who obviously deserve no better than Alpha-Bits.
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 23
Roll, interrupted: In the wee, wee hours of this morning, 21 young Seattleites were arrested in what Seattle police are hailing as "a major drug bust." The Seattle P-I offered the lowdown: A total of 30 defendants have been charged with selling more than 50,000 tablets of Ecstasy, five kilograms of cocaine, and a half-kilo of methamphetamine. According to authorities, several defendants hawked their wares at Club FX, an Elliott Avenue West club that hosts weekend "rave parties" catering to young adults. Each of the defendants named in the indictment has been charged with conspiracy to distribute eight different types of drugs. If convicted, the defendants face anywhere from 10 years to life in prison--a fate that sits well with Club FX's manager Chris Giannoulas, who said he'd rather close than continue to play host to dopers. "I don't agree with any illegal activity," Giannoulas told the P-I. "I'm really pleased that they were busted."
>>Also today: The Northwest's very own Bremerton exploded with joy, patriotism, and good old-fashioned horniness as the U.S.S. Carl Vinson returned from six months at sea (including over 100 days at war off the coast of Afghanistan.) The Seattle P-I captured the Navy homecoming in all its glory, from the thousands of teary-eyed relatives of friends waiting on the dock, to the adorable pecking order of the returning sailors (first off were the top officers, followed by the over 70 men whose wives had given birth while they were away at sea.) And while glamorous homecomings are swell, most of those returning longed for more prosaic pleasures. "I want to see my husband, and I want to lay on a regular bed without having to hear whistles and bells," said ship secretary Christina Cox. "I want a hot bath, and I want to shop at a decent mall."
THURSDAY, JANUARY 24
Employees at the Onondaga County Department of Social Services in Syracuse, New York, got a revolting surprise today as Syracuse's Post-Standard reported the case of Ronald Castle, a 30-year employee of the department charged with three counts of second-degree harassment, three counts of criminal nuisance, and three counts of public lewdness after he was caught masturbating into the coffee cups of co-workers. In a three-page police statement, Castle admitted tampering with the telephones and coffee mugs of at least six women employees in the Civic Center since Christmas 1999. "I was shocked, distressed, and certainly saddened for the victims," said department commissioner David Sutowky, who confirmed Ronald Castle's indefinite suspension without pay until the case goes to trial. As for the mystery wanker himself, little is known about the 55-year-old Castle beyond his job description (as a DSS income maintenance supervisor, he authorized the distribution of welfare and trained new employees), his salary ($41,100 a year), and his icky bio-vandalism habits. Our condolences to all of Castle's unfortunate co-workers.
>>Speaking of yucky-ish things: Today Reuters reported that the French town of Dinan will pay homage to the victims and heroes of the September 11 attacks with a 660-pound marzipan cake. The pasty, almond-flavored monstrosity will be cut into 850 portions and sold to raise money for the families of firefighters who died at the World Trade Center. Charity is divine, but marzipan is a sin.FRIDAY, JANUARY 25
Today the Enron disaster claimed its first casualty as J. Clifford Baxter, a 43-year-old former Enron executive who reportedly challenged the company's questionable financial practices before resigning last May, was found shot to death in his car, in what authorities have ruled to be a suicide.SATURDAY, JANUARY 26
Today Last Days was blessed with the love and attentiveness of a handful of devoted Hot Tippers, all of whom alerted us to the Associated Press story about the 21-month-old boy in Elyria, Ohio, who spent four days living alone with his dead mother, surviving on potato chips, part of a cookie, and toilet water, before being rescued by authorities alerted by his dead mom's concerned co-workers. Thanks to all of you who thought of us.
SUNDAY, JANUARY 27
Hot on the heels of one more living kid/dead parent story come two more horrible public grooming stories. The first comes from Seattle's own Cinerama (what is it with grooming gaffes and movie shows?), where Hot Tipper Ellen was attending a screening of Lord of the Rings when the man seated next to her--"a middle-aged white guy with a trimmed white beard"--loudly scarfed a bucket of popcorn then unabashedly flossed his teeth. "When I looked again," Ellen reports, "he had an entire knuckle of his finger up his nose. And after that, he started working his pinky into his ear. Really, he looked like a normal Joe!" Ellen's tale of horror was echoed on the other side of the country in Miami's South Beach, where an anonymous Hot Tipper sent dispatches of a grooming gaffe so ghastly it should have inspired a citizen's arrest. While tanning on the beach, our Hot Tipper saw a topless women with enormous breasts which he deduced to be completely real. His clue: The small black hairs ringing the woman's exposed areolas, which she proceeded to pluck with a pair of tweezers. Thanks to both of our courageous Hot Tippers, and may God have mercy on us all.I miss Chip. Send Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.
