Let It Out
Well, That Year Sucked: Seattle Music Folks Get 2012 Off Their Chests
Cat (THEESatisfaction): There was this show on Mars—I regret not being able to do it.
The Lonely Forest: We deeply regret trusting major label executives.
Brian Foss (Funhouse owner): I regret that I am not a millionaire, so I was unable to buy the building the Funhouse was in.
Wimps: Wimps regret to inform you that: An all-pizza diet does actually provide you with all your daily nutrients. Sometimes, venues think it's acceptable to pay a band in breakfast pastries. Motel microwaves aren't the best appliances to use when drying wet underpants. A hot dog can't actually ride a skateboard. Our next album will be all freestyle raps. In 2012, good venues closed and good people passed on—they will be missed.
Nathan Chambers (Rendezvous booker): I regret wearing "skinny jeans." That's right, Levi's 511s, I quit you. No more will I awkwardly adjust the dangly bits or struggle to take you off after a night of drinking. The holes you get only in the crotch have shamed me long enough. Your tyranny of uncomfortable cool is over. Viva la dad-washed 501s.
Joe Axler (Samothrace/Skarp): I regret looking at Facebook this morning after not having time to see the season finale of Sons of Anarchy last night. Thanks, spoiling assholes.
Keith Whiteman (Grave Babies): Regrets are hard to come by on tour when your main responsibility is waking up, but I've had a few. I regret not having a bigger fog machine, losing a cymbal stand on every tour we went on this year; Montana, the state, and Woodrow Wilson. Also I might regret that semicolon I just used.
Lucy Atkinson (Kinski): Wasn't there a PJ Harvey song we played really poorly at the Comet? Even though I don't recall all the particulars, I do know we regret it.
Danny (Grave Babies): I regret that I left my guitar behind the van after a show at Chop Suey, where it sat out all night and then got run over in the morning when Keith left to go to work.
Pollens: We regret not playing spin the bottle with the Fleet Foxes.
Ian Murray (Poor Moon): I regret not spending more time in the gym to get the beauty of my figure synced up with the size of my ego.
Julia Shapiro (Chastity Belt): I regret getting a NO REGERTS tattoo.
Eric Wallace (Black Breath): I regret drinking so much in Budapest that I got abducted from a bar to be beaten and robbed and my captors had to be paid off in order to release me. The only reason I knew any of this happened was because two friends told me about it the next night.
Sharlese Metcalf (KEXP Audioasis host): I regret realizing too late in the year that FOMO is an internal guilt trip created by Satan.
Jherek Bischoff (musician/composer): I regret not beginning to drink whiskey until recently. It has given me the courage to dance. Dancing is fun! I regret not having whiskey inside me when I saw Björk on the dance floor by herself while the Chordettes' "Lollipop" was playing.
Rachel Flotard (Visqueen): I was eight and a half months pregnant and walked into a barbecue joint. Of course I ordered a plate called The Boss Hog. It was wrong. Deep-fried macaroni-and-cheese balls were involved, as were tater tots and three kinds of brisket. Sausage, too, I think. I can't remember because I was eating with my eyes rolled back like a great white wearing a red wig. I might regret The Boss Hog. (But I don't regret the Boss Hogg).
Hobo Ben (Hobosexual): I regret not changing my name to Sunncat and challenging Reignwolf to a guitar battle in the character of Mr. T from Rocky III, to be held at a public gathering in the likeness of the 1986 Ralph Macchio film Crossroads. It would involve my buddy (who looks a lot like the evil head karate instructor from The Karate Kid) running to each of our corners and screaming things like "Sweep the leg!" and "Finish him!" In the end, we'd close the evening by playing the greatest version of "Freebird" ever, before high-fiving each of our spirit animals and closing the night with a "The More You Know" live infomercial. I also regret doing a fuck-ton of mushrooms before I wrote this... and then writing that into said regret as well.
Reignwolf: I bought a pet dinosaur and named him Daryl. He bit into my guitar, and I was forced to put him down as he got too much of a taste for it... I also regret not meeting Kelly O for pizza in 2012!
(The gals of) Redbook: We regret the world's lack of compliments, so we get together to giggle, sing, and dance while complimenting ourselves. We regret that this is not a daily headline: GET IN THE MOOD. We regret that you did not have the chance to touch the Miracle's whisper thighs. We do not regret Elmo, for Elmo BLEEDS love.
Jodi Ecklund (booker at Chop Suey): I regret that the bartenders (I'm looking at you, Michael and Kyle!) got me to take off my shirt in the Pony photo booth during Pride. I do not regret that I ended up with the photo strip in my pocket the next morning.
Taryn Rene Dorsey (NighTraiN): I usually don't have many regrets, but I do regret trying to wear miniskirts and short dresses while playing the drums. I unwittingly bestowed copious crotch shots upon the audience. What I don't regret is opening for Fishbone in Portland and having tears stream down my face while watching them perform. The reality of my childhood dream hit me in the gut; it was surreal and life-affirming. This year has had many blessings, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
The Stickers: We regret that 2012 has not *yet* been the year in which Emily's Sherwood Forest horn alerts her, reverberating against the mossy forest walls, "Hark! Emily, the fairest of them all, there is a call for you from a crown prince, one Ryan Gosling!"
"I'm here for you, girl. I want to tell you some news."
"News? For me?"
"It's for you, girl, and it's for Stickers. We're so in love. And you, girl, you're my girlfriend."
"Am I dreaming?"
"I heard 'Ryan (Swoon) Gosling' on the radio and I fell in love with your boom boom, girl. I want you."
"But Ryan, is it really you!? Why should I be your girl?"
"Well, I cut a $400,000 check that will soon emerge through your pu$$y light."
"But Ryan, you have the wrong idea about me: I'm no prostitute for Stickers. I'm a... gal, not a girl... oooh, whoa, wait... I'm starting to swoon... I can feel my pu$$y light beaming... it's... it's... it's... oh, Ryan! It's a check! For $400,000!!! Made out to Stickers!"
"Yeah, girl. Yeah it is. It's for your song, girl."
"You're buying your song?"
"Yeah, girl. We're so in love, right? You didn't mean it?"
"Stickers mean everything."
"Good. Cause I'm watching it climb Billboard's charts right now. It's at number 14."
"Ryan, thank you! When will you pick me up?"
Tyler (Grave Babies): I regret everything.
Adra Boo (Fly Moon Royalty): I probably mostly regret not kicking it nearly as much as I wanted to with Killa K. I need more of her, in person, for 2013! Also, I regret not staying on the treadmill... I promise I will come back to you, but not as some resolution bullshit, though—because I want to. And I regret not stacking away more chips. I'm tryna travel waaaaaaaay more in 2013, and it cost to be the boss!! More chips in the New Year!!
DJAO: I've had few regrets this year. I regret the moments I've spent fearing the future instead of embracing it.
Stas (THEESatisfaction): I regret not coming out this year with Frank Ocean.
Christian Wargo (Poor Moon): I regret neglecting my Twitter account instead of using my random thoughts to try to jump-start my bumper-sticker business. Fail.
Trash Fire: All three members of Trash Fire sincerely regret doing those Hawaiian pizza shots at the Grizzled Wizard this summer.