From the Nov 25 – Dec 1, 2004 issue

Columns

Letters to the Editor

MAGNOLIANS ARE DENSE
TO JOSH FEIT: Regarding "Fear of Crowds" [Josh Feit, Nov 18]. Sorry to break it to you "Magnolians," but like it or not you are a DISTRICT of Seattle, and Seattle is not a small town anymore. Time to accept and deal with it, as other major cities have, by building efficient public transit (the monorail!), supporting community programs, and building more affordable, space-saving housing. It is a wild exaggeration to say that the new homes proposed for Magnolia will "become the next Aurora Avenue." Real estate is outrageously pricey in Seattle and those new houses are going to be purchased by normal working families. If you like seven-foot-high fences, don't want to know your neighbor, and enjoy the destructiveness of urban sprawl, then move to the suburbs where you belong. Stop trying to postpone our long-overdue urban development and get the hell out of our city.

Rachel Hooton

RED IS THE NEW YELLOW
STRANGER: Does anyone else find humor in the fact that the self-professed conservative writer of a letter [Letters, Nov 18] attacking the "...ignorant racist liberal elitist freaks of the East and West Coast" who refers to inhabitants of states that voted blue as "...sand-sucking yellow-belly birds of cowardice," and decries our "gutless way of life," yet chose to sign his letter "Anonymous"? Who's the real gutless coward?

Lisa (Not Afraid to Give My Name) Berre

FUCK 'EM
TO THE EDITORS: Thank you for being a voice of all the pissed-off people in the sane cities who have concluded, following this absurd election, that the rubes, hicks and hillbillies who vote for maniacs against their own self-interest as well as the rest of ours can just go fuck themselves. MY job isn't going to be shipped to a foreign sweatshop. I'M not going to get sent off to some oil war. It's the industrial workers in Ohio and the uneducated shoeless jerkoffs who suffer from those idiot policies. They made their bed. Let them lie there.

Paul Gowder

BLUE HATE
Gosh, your "Urban Archipelago" feature article [Nov 11] is sooooo hateful.

Randall Powers

RED HATE
DEAR EDITOR: I think your urban agenda would be absolutely WONDERFUL for those of us who live in the red states. Here is my plan:

1. All of the urbanites who live west of the Mississippi could move to the blue states on the left coast. After seceding from the United States, they could form their own nation, which could be called FAGAZUELA. Their new flag would have a logo (consisting of a pink limp wrist inside a red star that is outlined in yellow) with the remaining background being the colors of a rainbow.

2. The urbanites east of the Mississippi River would all move to the blue states surrounding the Great Lakes and what is now called New England. Once they secede from the U.S., their new nation would be called YANKEETOPIA, and their new flag would consist of a black clenched fist inside a yellow star that is outlined in red, with the background being red, black, and green stripes.

Those of us who live in "Jesusland" would be THRILLED for you to leave. Just think of it: You could live in a Marxist workers' paradise and we could fly our Confederate flags without being labeled racists! So I beg ALL of you commie/liberal pantywaists to get the hell out, secede, or move to France. We don't want you here. You are not worth the toilet paper we wipe our asses with.

Chris Ghent

Ft. Smith, Arkansas

THANKS, STRANGER
I knew we all needed to get littered election night, but what I didn't know was how we were going to pull ourselves out of the ensuing funk. Thanks for this issue of The Stranger. It's the first time I think The Stranger really affected my life. Well, except for that personal ad that got me laid a bunch of times; and the show postings where I was introduced to Mum and Mike Dumovich; and the police blotter (so that's what happened to Eddie); and drunk of the week (inspirational); and all those monorail reports. Well, thanks anyhow, I needed a good kick in the pants.

Jason Page

BUZZED
Some snippets of Nate Lippens...

Not So Hot, 10/23/03: "Since the dance floor had all the voltage of a joy buzzer, we headed upstairs for the entertainment..." Drunk By Noon, 4/5/04: "...the energy is bare-wire punk, with a joy buzzer of hillbilly thrown in for good measure..." Always Disconnect, 6/3/04: "It's unfortunate when your fluff simply floats away and your shock has all the voltage of a joy buzzer..." Shit or Get Off My Face, 11/18/04: "...preachy third-generation Barbara Kruger-esque rant in Helvetica Bold has all the voltage of a joy buzzer..."

Seth Young

NATE LIPPENS DOES NOT RESPOND TO LETTERS BUT DAN SAVAGE SURE DOES: I'm sure if I followed you around with a tape recorder, Seth, I would discover that you've committed the apparently unpardonable sin of using certain metaphors more than once in your life. Geez.