Hey Mr. Frat Boy! At first I thought you were the only non-asshole frat guy in the world--especially after you mentioned you once attended a Tori Amos concert. But now that I think about it, Tori is very sexual and you were probably getting off on her. Anyway, you seemed like a human being even though you live in a shithole of a house with a bunch of horny bastards. Regardless, I was wrong about you. Last week, I made the mistake of getting way too drunk and believing your lines. You took my virginity and you weren't exactly a gentleman about it. You didn't call me afterward, so in order to regain a bit of self-respect, I called you--and all you talked about was the Blazers game. Hello? I didn't call to chat about the NBA playoffs, dimbulb. Finally, you admitted being "too scared" to call me. Do you think I enjoyed having to call you? Let me tell you, it wasn't my idea of fun.

Then yesterday in class, you told me in front of everyone that you found my Chapstick in your room. Never mind that I clearly told you how much I regret what happened between us; you still had to bring it up loudly enough that everyone around us could hear. Well, Mr. Frat Boy, I just want to thank you for being so mature. And thanks for making my first sexual experience feel so cheap that I'm now applying to become a born-again virgin.