Never Heard of 'Em: The Beach Boys' Christmas Album

Never Heard of 'Em: The Beach Boys' Christmas Album

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Anna Minard claims to "know nothing about music." For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.


The Beach Boys' Christmas Album

Oh, Beach Boys! You apple-cheeked, sweater-clad, expertly Brylcreemed gentlemen, all tinseling up that tree together! I've heard of these boys—we go way, way back, all the way to the oldies station. But I had not heard their Christmas album, and I also have a never-heard-of-it story about the Beach Boys that I'd like to tell you. Light a fire! Pull up a chair!

I dug the Beach Boys as a kid, because of Seattle's rad (and now tragically defunct) oldies station KBSG. (Sing it with me: "Good times and great oldies! [wacky jazz sax solo] Ninety-seven point three! K-B-S-Geeeeeeee!") I rediscovered them as a teenager, and "Wouldn't It Be Nice" and "God Only Knows" filled me with aching longing; they took my breath away. But who listens to the Beach Boys in high school nowadays? Nobody, that's who. I kept it on the DL. Later, I started hearing about Pet Sounds. That was the hip Beach Boys album, the one that was not embarrassing to like. Wikipedia says its sound is "a far cry from the simple surf rock" of their early albums, composed of "elaborate layers of vocal harmonies, coupled with sound effects and unconventional instruments"; it's "one of the most important albums of all time." But by the time I was hearing about the amazingness of Pet Sounds, I was so petrified of (and exhausted by) the feeling of twerpiness that came from not "getting" music, I never checked it out. I kept my Beach Boys love in my secret heart where no cool kids could get to it. And there it sat until this year, when I finally worked up the nerve to listen to Pet Sounds... whereupon I discovered that I already knew (and liked) all the goddamn songs. GAWD. Lesson learned, yo.

Anyway, on to the Christmas Album. I curled up with these songs in a wood-and-blanket-filled cabin recently, in front of a big black stove full of roaring fire, crummy weather outside but a view of mountains beyond. "Little Saint Nick," essentially a Christmas version of "Little Deuce Coupe," is fun, and you probably know it. But even better are "The Man with All the Toys," which has jovial man-harmonies with vocal sound effects ("He's the man [bop!] with all [bop!] the toys [bop!]"); "Santa's Beard," where his little brother eats a mall Santa's beard; and "Merry Christmas, Baby," about getting dumped right before Christmas. If you get the newer album Christmas with the Beach Boys, it has the entirety of this album plus a bunch of other Xmas songs and then, at the end, a cute PSA for a toy drive and a sweetly awkward interview with sweetly awkward leader Brian Wilson. You need no other Christmas album than this, y'all.

I give this a "good times and great oldies" out of 10. recommended


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kill this column
Posted by cap'n boise on December 29, 2012 at 9:15 PM · Report this
Haha. Pet Sounds petrified you. Haha.
Posted by kirashea on December 27, 2012 at 4:45 PM · Report this
Holy cow. I never though of this before, but @6 has a point. *none* of your ratings seem to ever make sense. "'Spontaneous music criticism' out of 10"? "'No, no, I just got something in my heart, I mean MY EYE' out of 10"? "'What are these strange new feelings? out of 10"?

Anna, do you not understand that in the formulation "_____ out of 10," the first thing is supposed to be a number? Man, learn how to review stuff already!
Posted by Levislade on December 24, 2012 at 12:27 PM · Report this
Texas10R 6
"I give this a 'good times and great oldies' out of 10." -by ANNA MINARD

This makes no sense.
Posted by Texas10R on December 23, 2012 at 9:48 AM · Report this
beach boys is one of my #1 favorite bands, but 'little saint nick' is the worst single they ever put out. although the lyric could be better, its the melody that drives me up the wall. something about the tone layout of that line...
Posted by Chewy99 on December 22, 2012 at 8:24 PM · Report this
4 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
Thanks, Anna! I may be an oldie, but I do remember this album!
@2: Yeah! This takes me back!
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 21, 2012 at 8:59 PM · Report this
@1: You don't get the humor of it, "Little Saint nick" is great!
Posted by BallardBoy on December 19, 2012 at 7:19 PM · Report this
Little Saint Nick is the worst song ever made. "Christmas comes each time this year" omg yes, we know.
Posted by garterbeltinthegarden on December 19, 2012 at 2:12 PM · Report this

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