Anna Minard claims to "know nothing about music." For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.

THE CLASH

The Clash
(Epic)

Last weekend, my friend put a record on, and it blew my brains out with awesomeness. "Who is this?" I asked, no expectations whatsoever. "The Clash," my friend replied, laughing at the "who's this?" interaction we've repeated a million times. I was so excited. Here was an Important Punk Band of History, and I liked it of its own accord! We listened to the whole album, I danced around the kitchen, I was an instant super-fan.

I came to work and said, "I wanna do the Clash for my column!" But I didn't know which album I'd listened to. That night, a different friend came over; I told her I'd discovered the Clash. She asked which album, and we went to figure it out.

It was Combat Rock.

She had to break it to me, first with a face [frooowwwwn]. Then with a nice, firm: "You know... that's pretty much their worst album." My face fell. She assured me there was better Clash where that came from, and I could now discover that. Yay!

I returned to work the next day with a bit of a heavy heart. "So... the album I listened to was Combat Rock," I started. Emily Nokes gave me the look you give a small child when you have to tell them something uncomfortable—your parents aren't getting back together, Mr. Rogers is dead, that sort of thing. "I already know," I told her. "It's their 'worst' album. I found out." She looked relieved. "Maybe you can do their first one?" she suggested. "Or London Calling?"

So here I am, reviewing the Clash's self-titled first album. I like it. I like the funny noises, and it makes me move my head around involuntarily, like someone with a nervous-system disorder. That's punk dancing, right? It's exuberant; it would make a sunny day or a basement party become instantly 5,000 percent better.

But man, I really, really loved Combat Rock. So poppy and peppy and weird! So much kitchen dancing! That one song that M.I.A. sampled for "Paper Planes"! The story of my life: loving the wrong Clash album.

Then I did an ounce of research and discovered that the self-titled album I'd gone out and bought with my own money was the wrong version—the US version, not the original UK version, which is totally different. WRONG AGAIN, MINARD.

I'm sorry for liking the Clash wrong, you guys. But this whole thing where you can do music wrong has got to stop! It's what kept me out here in this dirty field of woe and ignorance for so many years—the worry that if I tried, I'd just do it wrong anyway, and still no one would let me sit at their lunch table. I fucking love the Clash now, isn't that enough?

I give this an "at least I've heard of it" out of 10. recommended