Anna Minard claims to "know nothing about music." For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.
Singles Going Steady
The Buzzcocks? A PARTY. A party for your face and your feet. Upbeat as all hell, spinning away full of drums, in love with you and in love with orgasms and in love with life. This is what I always hoped punk would be like! I feel like I have a place in my heart for angry punk about politics and a place in my heart for peppy punk that makes you laugh and want to thrash your hair around. I do not have room for the whiny white-boy shit where they just sound like they're bored and annoyed that you busted in on band practice. But this is the best!
First, it starts off with a song called "Orgasm Addict," which stays funny the whole time. "Well you tried it just for once/Find it all right for kicks/But now you find out that it's a habit that sticks/And you're an orgasm addict." Stains on your jeans! Making it with the lady who puts birds on cakes! (Must be a British thing.) Then a plaintive song about wanting a lover and a friend (we all volunteer, dudes!), then some British teen angst. They sound like white sneakers and jumping, like sitting on cushions on the floor in the living room and laughing so hard you fall over, like looking up at all your friends and they're laughing too. The Buzzcocks are a club, and you are in it!
I had to listen to this one in a rush, because of circumstance. In between the initial listenings and the more in-depth repeats, I went to the dentist, where they have apparently invented a new gum-torture machine that makes the sound of a shrieking baby dinosaur chewing on a slab of glass. I do not recommend it, though, hey, we all need a new free toothbrush sometimes.
All I'm saying, really, is that this is not only great, but specifically when compared to the demon whine of a dental instrument, it is like the sound of a million tiny golden angels in a choir whispering the password of happiness directly onto each of your stereocilia. Good uses for this album:
• Dance party with all your friends
• Dance party with just you and a glass of wine
• Soundtrack to cleaning your house on a nice day and you want it to go really quickly so you can get the hell outside
• Music to listen to in transit on your way to see someone great.
In the secret dreams of my secret heart, there is at least someone out there who reads this because they are in the same spot as me, and they're hoping to get some guidance on which Very Important Music is worth their time. You, imaginary person: This is for you! This is for us!
I give this a "wooooohoooo!" out of 10.
[Note to pedants: We know this isn't a proper studio album, but we felt it best distills the Buzzcocks' essence. —Ed.]