Porn for Women
Porn for New Moms
by the Cambridge Women's Pornography Cooperative
(Chronicle Books) $12.95

The Porn for Women series exists in every cutesy gift shop in the Northwest, packed with glossy photos of traditionally attractive men eagerly doing tasks that are stereotypically reserved for housewives—dishes, vacuuming, laundry. One photo has a dude "adorably" wrapped in a cozy blanket and his caption asks, "Wanna snuggle?"

What the Porn for... series—recently expanding from Porn for Women to Porn for New Moms—wants to do is "redefine the way we look at naughty pictures" and "salvage the term 'pornography' from the gold-chained, hairy-chested, leisure-suit-wearing, mouth-breathing knuckleheads."

But they fail and here's why: Not only is their definition of a woman—the dishwashing spit-up rag who just wants to cuddle—still living in the past, but so is their definition of porn and those who enjoy it. Instead of changing the way we look at naughty pictures, it just takes them away completely, replacing them with what a new mom really wants to see: some young buck saying, "Damn! You look hot in those sweatpants!"

Ooh la la!

Gag.

Porn for Women doesn't celebrate women's sexuality; it stifles it. The series assumes that our hormones are no longer raging—menopause stole them at the age of 30. And instead of finding a happy medium of sexy, naked, sweaty stuff that's perhaps not as crude as what the "knuckleheads" enjoy, Porn for Women lazily takes it to the other side of the spectrum.

Sure, I wouldn't mind having some dude do my dishes, but I'm not gonna get off on it. What I want in bed is different than what I want to live with—that's the entire purpose of porn: to fulfill a fantasy that one could never have in real life. Call me a knucklehead, but when it comes to porn, I'll take a raging cock over a vacuuming sucker any day.