It's been months since I've thrown a contest, and years since I've thrown a contest that made any sense. I've finally developed a contest that will split open your spry mind and, if you're spry enough, land you a $50 gift card for University Book Store, the fine literary emporium located at 4326 University Way NE (634-3400).
The challenge: come up with as many words as possible that can each function, without a change in the word's spelling, as a noun, a verb, and an adjective.
Examples?
The following words are all allowed: light ("That light is in my eyes," "Please light me on fire," "She has light hair"); cross ("Nail him to the cross," "Let's cross the street," "I'm cross with you"); fly ("There is a fly in my nose," "Let's fly to the sun," "Your fishing rod is fly"); crap ("Look at all this crap," "I always crap before I eat," "This is a crap newspaper"); total ("Here is your total," "Let's total this car," "My commitment is total"); brown ("I have a lot of brown," "Let's brown this toast," "This toast is brown"). And so on.
There are some words that almost work, but words that almost work are not allowed. (I'm about to split some logographic hairs, so anyone who knows they won't be participating in the contest might want to pull out now.) The word "mosh" seems like it should work because it's clearly a verb, it's kind of an adjective ("mosh pit"), and it's very close to being a noun ("mosher"), but as a noun it requires that suffix, therefore using it as a noun requires changing the spelling of the word, therefore it's not allowed under the rules of this contest. Likewise, the word "parking." It's a verb ("I'm parking") and a noun ("How's my parking?"), but it's not really an adjective, although there are a handful nouns it can modify ("parking ticket," "parking lot," "parking brake," "parking meter," and, well, there are a few others). But the case for "parking" as a stand-alone adjective is pretty weak. "Parking," as an adjective, is a lot like "mosh" as an adjective, come to think of it. They're iffy. They're cop-out adjectives. (Well, they're attributive nouns.) They're not allowed in this contest. A small panel of fairly disinterested judges will have to make decisions on iffy entries, so the less iffy your entries are, the better your chances.
You have until noon on Friday, June 24, to submit a list of as many words that fit these parameters as possible. You may only submit one list and, again, without altering any spelling, each word has to be a noun, a verb, and an adjective. So that you don't submit an entire dictionary, any word on your list that doesn't work will be counted against you. The person who submits the longest list of allowable words (e-mail entries to frizzelle@thestranger.com) will get their name and their list published in The Stranger in our June 30 issue. And, again, a $50 gift card for University Book Store.
Good luck. ■
