Two roommates are celebrating a joint birthday with a giant house party. Because one of the birthday celebrants is from Kentucky, a cooler full of "hooch" has been prepared using a traditional recipe of off-brand Kool-Aid, watermelon, and 151-proof vodka. The off-brand Kool-Aid turns out to have artificial sweetener in it, lending the hooch a decidedly "diet" flavor. No matter—the rapidly multiplying crowd makes short work of the stuff anyway.

At some point, an iPod playing a mix of tastefully selected dance jams is switched out in favor of one containing "ironically" bad '90s music such as Sugar Ray and the Spin Doctors. (The culprit for the surreptitious swap is the drummer of a certain three-quarters riot grrrl band from Seattle.) Ironic or no, Stefan from the Pharmacy manages—as always—to crowd surf to the latter selection, and, really, he looks pretty sincere about it.

In the backyard, people are passing around a bottle of video head cleaner and cleaning their heads. One person says, "I feel like I was just in the parking lot of a party for a very long time." Another expresses amazement that you can just buy the stuff at the store.

Around 3:00 a.m., after the cops have already come and gone, the hosts decide the party is over. Two employees of the Cha Cha stand up on the couch to do what Cha Cha employees do best: shout drunkards out the door. It's pretty impressive watching two people clear an entire house using nothing but overhead lights and the power of yelling.

Want to bounce The Stranger from your house party into the chilly, unforgiving night? E-mail the date, place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.