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Party Crasher

What Does Lady Gaga Think About Heteroween?

by BONNIE MATTSON

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As Party Crasher approaches in her Max-from-Where-the-Wild-Things-Are jumpsuit, a sexy witch standing on the porch enviously comments, "You must be so warm." Inside, a bedazzled Lady Gaga announces to the party, "I love Halloween. I can dress like a slut, and no one is going to say anything." An escaped mental patient counters, "I spent $70 on a [sexy] Red Riding Hood costume, and I just felt really uncomfortable with how men looked at me."

Lady Gaga acquiesces, "If you dress in something clever but not revealing and walk into a roomful of Playboy Bunnies, no one is going to talk to you. It's almost like it's the only way to get attention as a female." A boisterous Captain Steve Zissou interjects, "It's empowering to be proud of your body and to knowingly use it," before wandering off to kill the shark that ate his best friend.

A 22nd-century college student rolls her eyes and adds, "It's like the conundrum of a female comedian: If you try to be funny rather than sexy, you're defeminized. Halloween is really just a symptom of the usual misogynistic cultural trends." Dr. Mrs. The Monarch takes a more moderate approach, "I just like making costumes. If the character is sexy, I'm sexy. If it's not, I'm not. I don't really care." The conversation is derailed; a man named Muffin in a giant inflatable reindeer head enters the kitchen, blindly attempting to imbibe sustenance through a strategically placed straw.

Want The Stranger to spend a good portion of your house party debating a recent essay by Dan Savage? Send the date, place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.