Music

Party Crasher

Toasting with a One-Time Sexy Tampon

by MATTHEW BATHAN

It is obvious which house is hosting the Third Annual Celebrity Invitational and Resort Wear Fashion Show. It's the one with dozens of people standing on the front lawn, dressed like they're about to embark on a cruise ship headed for space. Sun hats and sundresses abound. I spot a woman decked in gold lamé from her wrists to her ankles, and for the first time in my life, I see a man who's managed to make orange Hawaiian print sexy.

Felisa, the party's host, leads me downstairs, where I am introduced to a realm of love and booze. All of the walls are covered in a collage of photos from past parties. I look at the wall and see a thousand smiles at once. After Felisa hands me a double whiskey, we head outside, where she calls out, "Now for the moment you've all been waiting for all year." The crowd cheers as she begins announcing the winners of the fashion show.

There are six of them, each of whom looks like they invent casino games for a living. The top prize, a plaque, goes to Noni, whose outfit is a celebration of white towel pieces. As she rubs the plaque against her bare stomach, her gold fanny pack jingles. This is not the first time she's won first place at a costume party. She tells me, "Felisa threw a party where people were supposed to come dressed as something unsexy, in a sexy way." I ask her what her costume was, and she replies, "Sexy tampon." Then we toast to making the most out of bloody situations.

Want The Stranger to come dressed in their new favorite costume to your house party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party details to partycrasher @thestranger.com.