Party Crasher

Toasting with a One-Time Sexy Tampon

Party Crasher
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It is obvious which house is hosting the Third Annual Celebrity Invitational and Resort Wear Fashion Show. It's the one with dozens of people standing on the front lawn, dressed like they're about to embark on a cruise ship headed for space. Sun hats and sundresses abound. I spot a woman decked in gold lamé from her wrists to her ankles, and for the first time in my life, I see a man who's managed to make orange Hawaiian print sexy.

Felisa, the party's host, leads me downstairs, where I am introduced to a realm of love and booze. All of the walls are covered in a collage of photos from past parties. I look at the wall and see a thousand smiles at once. After Felisa hands me a double whiskey, we head outside, where she calls out, "Now for the moment you've all been waiting for all year." The crowd cheers as she begins announcing the winners of the fashion show.

There are six of them, each of whom looks like they invent casino games for a living. The top prize, a plaque, goes to Noni, whose outfit is a celebration of white towel pieces. As she rubs the plaque against her bare stomach, her gold fanny pack jingles. This is not the first time she's won first place at a costume party. She tells me, "Felisa threw a party where people were supposed to come dressed as something unsexy, in a sexy way." I ask her what her costume was, and she replies, "Sexy tampon." Then we toast to making the most out of bloody situations. recommended

Want The Stranger to come dressed in their new favorite costume to your house party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party details to partycrasher


Comments (9) RSS

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winterpalace 1
Well put.
Posted by winterpalace on June 9, 2010 at 1:33 PM · Report this
Uh...Noni was a sexy tapeworm. I was the sexy tampon. Fact check my friend.
Posted by sexytampon on June 9, 2010 at 1:51 PM · Report this
motofly 3
Sweetie, you are STILL a sexy tampon in my book! And always will be!
Posted by motofly on June 9, 2010 at 3:51 PM · Report this
Indeed, I must credit Miss Celeste with sexy tampon. As I regailed our fine author with tales of costume past, I had praised the sexy tampon outfit, it may have seemed as if I was a sexy tampon myself. I was a sexy tapeworm that evening.
Posted by noni on June 9, 2010 at 9:11 PM · Report this
Indeed, credit where it is due. Celeste was and always will be sexy tampon, I was sexy tapeworm. As I regaled our author with tales of theme parties past, I had praised sexy tampon as a top drawer costume. My enthusiasm may have implied that it was I who had been the tamp vamp in question.
Posted by noni on June 9, 2010 at 9:19 PM · Report this
IronHammer 6
You did hand him a double....why bother with the details?
Posted by IronHammer on June 10, 2010 at 5:01 AM · Report this
w7ngman 7
Party Crasher: based on a true story
Posted by w7ngman on June 10, 2010 at 4:36 PM · Report this
This is truly a fantastic article that captures the excellentricity of the evening. Details be damned!
Posted by noni on June 10, 2010 at 8:23 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 9
Aw, how fun. I used to throw parties like that. I had themes like "Wear what you'd wear if you'd gone to the Fair!" (A 1962 World's Fair celebration) and "Rhapsody in Plaid!" (I think that one's self-explanatory) Every theme had to end in an exclamation point.

In those heady, pre-internet days, I'd go to the library and copy old magazine ads and then make them into collages that I would xerox and distribute as invitations (Which was nothing unusual - I pride myself on my lack of originality) . I wish I'd kept some.

I haven't thrown a really big party since I turned forty.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on June 13, 2010 at 11:40 AM · Report this

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