In the Name of the Prince of Darkness/ University District/Fri March 1/1:39 pm: This crime, which involves a sudden flash of road rage on Roosevelt Way NE, is uninteresting except for this line: "A car pulled up beside him and the driver said, 'You take up two lanes! Fuck you in the name of Satan!'" Had the enraged driver not, a block or so later, threatened the bad driver with a Glock, this curious pronouncement ("Fuck you in the name of Satan!") would have never been documented by the SPD.

The Propane Truck Mystery/University District/Fri March 3/8:50 am: PART 1: A woman who lives on Roosevelt Way NE--whom we shall call Brenda--woke up this morning, and found that a propane truck had parked across the street from her third-story apartment. This was not the first time the truck had parked in that spot, and this concerned Brenda. She asked her roommate to go downstairs and ask the driver what he was doing. Her roommate went to the truck driver and, while she asked him what he was doing, the driver looked up at the apartment window and gave Brenda the eyes. When her roommate returned, the truck left. The truck driver, her roommate explained, was having a break. Not satisfied by this answer, Brenda called the truck driver's employer, Suburban Propane, and, after explaining the situation to a company representative, Brenda was informed that drivers sometimes parked in the spot beneath her window for breaks. This answer was still unsatisfactory. Brenda called the police.

PART 2: Officer Carlson arrived a few minutes later and was informed by Brenda that the trouble began in Sand Point a few months ago, when her then-neighbor thought she wanted to have a sexual relationship with his wife. In an attempt to keep her away from his desirable wife, her neighbor hired people to follow her and park trucks in front of her house. Due to the harassment, she moved to the University District in January of this year. Though her former neighbor and his desirable wife moved to Texas recently, she believes his harassment operation is still active.

PART 3: "I called the Suburban Propane company," writes Officer Carlson, "and spoke to a representative, who advised me that the driver in that area takes his breaks at that location [i.e., beneath Brenda's window]. The representative stated that to prevent further concern she would request that the driver take his breaks [beneath another window]. I advised Brenda of the conversations I had with the propane company."

Dreading Locks/University District/Fri March 1/1:39 pm: This crime, which involves a fight at the University District bar called "Goldie's Foosball," is uninteresting except for this line: "I was cold cocked by some guy with dreads.'" And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of Police Beat.